Ghosts
by Hamliet
Summary: When a ship crashes near the Resistance base, Finn and Poe are shocked to discover Kylo Ren. What does he want? And where is Rey? And as for Kylo, he must decide how much he can trust them with what he knows about Snoke and Snoke's plans for Rey… and their child.
1. Prologue

"Is it Rey? Is she here?" Finn peers over Poe Dameron's shoulder, scrutinizing the Resistance's radar. A small dot, representing a ship of who knows what size, plummets towards the surface of D'Qar.

"Don't know," Poe says, even though his own heart thumps with hope. It's been well over two months since Rey vanished, and despite the Resistance's best attempts to locate her, they always seem to arrive minutes too late.

 _A tall man in black dragged her away… Finn screaming…_

"Do you think she got away? From the First Order? From—" Finn lowers his voice. _"Him?"_

"It's possible." Poe leaps up, cringing as he remembers his leg isn't quite healed yet. "General? General!"

General Organa strides into the room. All eyes immediately turn to her, waiting for her command. "I've heard. Dameron, you and Finn: go and meet that ship."

BB-8 blips indignantly.

"Oh, hush, General's orders!" chastises a golden droid.

"Of course, you can go too, BB-8," the General adds.

"Well, really," grumbles C-3PO.

"Don't you think they might need back-up?" interjects Admiral Ackbar. "In case it's hostile? And Dameron, is your leg even—"

"Dr. Katonia's lasers have worked miracles," Poe interjects. "I'm fine."

General Organa purses her lips. "I can't really see the First Order invading us. More likely, they're hard at work on a second Starkiller, or fourth Death Star, or something or other to blow us into the next system."

"They've landed," Finn reports, eyes glued to the monitor. "Bit of a rough one, though. Seven miles from here." He doesn't say it, but Poe knows what he's thinking: Rey would never land that roughly.

 _Unless she's injured,_ Poe thinks. _Or weakened._ He recalls his own moments of torture at the hands of Kylo Ren all too well. And after the past months of disappointment, after getting so close and seeing Kylo Ren dragging her away—he has to hope. Even if it doesn't make sense.

"We'll leave right away," Poe says. "Let's go, BB-8."

Finn grabs his jacket, the one that used to be Poe's. Poe smiles, because the only time he's ever seen Finn without it was when they made their escape to Jakku on that TIE fighter.

Poe can't use the Force, and frankly barely understands how it's supposed to work, but he doesn't need it to tell that there's one word, one name, repeating itself in Finn's mind: _Rey. Rey. Rey._

Poe's heart twinges as he wonders just what Finn's feelings for Rey are. _Stop it_ , he orders himself. Every cell within his mind hopes it's Rey, too.

 _You may be the best pilot in the Resistance, but she's a Jedi._

Poe shakes off those thoughts. Selfishness has no place in his life. Climbing into the cockpit of a starfighter, he inhales. "Let's get her back, buddy."

"You really think it's her?" Finn looks at him, desperate for Poe to reinforce his hope.

"I don't see who else it could be." Still, something niggles at the back of Poe's mind. _Fear. It's just fear. Natural after months of crushed expectations._

Finn sighs. "We need her back, Poe. We need the Force."

"I know." Poe flies though the night. The stars flash above them, as if sounding out some sort of silent message.

BB-8 whirs as they approach the landing site. _Er, crash site._

Even in the darkness, Poe can make out smoke. "We're gonna have to land right here," he tells Finn, gliding gracefully to the ground a hundred meters from the crashed ship, in a clearing. Coniferous trees rise all around the crash, and a path of stumps tell Poe that the pilot doesn't know the planet terribly well. Or is too injured to care.

BB-8 rolls out of the ship before Poe can even unbuckle his seatbelt, rushing towards a figure crawling out of the ship, visible behind the curling smoke.

"Rey?" Finn calls. " _Rey!"_

Poe dashes after his droid, Finn hot on his heels, until BB-8 shrieks and rolls backwards, ducking behind Poe's legs and tripping Finn. "Hey—what the—"

B-8 blips and bleeps.

"Enemy?" Poe turns towards the smoke, expecting to see the bright blue flash of a blaster shot. Instead, a towering man, a man Poe knows all so well from the nightmares he's ashamed he has, staggers towards them with his hands up.

"Kylo Ren!" Finn shouts.

Poe aims his blaster. "Take one more step and I'll kill you!"

Kylo Ren stops. Finn slips to the side, darting around the ship.

"What are you doing here? Are there others?" Poe yells, stepping forward with the blaster still aimed, though he knows full well that Ren can stop a shot with the Force.

Finn reappears on the other side of the ship, blaster also aimed at Ren. Can he stop two shots at once? If Finn stays hidden, maybe not.

"It's just me," Ren answers.

"Where's Rey?" Finn shouts.

 _Dammit, Finn, way to blow your cover._

Ren's voice shakes. "That's why I'm here."

"Why? With some crazy ransom or—"

Ren stumbles. "No! That's not—look, I'm here, I'm surrendering, I won't fight you. I need to talk to Luke Skywalker."

"Yeah, that's not a new request coming from you, is it?" Poe retorts. A balmy breeze flutters through the air, sending smoke crashing into Poe's nostrils. He gags.

Ren's voice cracks. "He's the only one that can help her."

Poe's not buying this. Not at all. "Get on your knees," he orders. "Finn?"

His friend approaches Kylo Ren from behind as the man kneels down.

"Hands on your head," Poe adds sharply, gesturing with the blaster.

Ren obeys. Poe approaches and notices that he's trembling. Soot is smeared across his face, and there's a jagged scar that Poe's never seen before. _From Rey,_ if Poe remembers the story right. He smirks.

Poe snaps manacles on Ren's wrists. "Search him," he tells Finn, who grimaces but slides his hands up and down Kylo Ren's body.

"This." Finn pulls out the unmistakable hilt of a lightsaber and stuffs it in his own waistband. "I'll be keeping this." He pulls out another one. _Rey's_. This time he doesn't say anything, but looks at Ren in revulsion. Poe can only imagine what it means that Kylo Ren has Rey's lightsaber. _Did he kill her?_

When Finn assures Poe that there are no other weapons, Poe grabs Ren by his upper arm and drags him towards the starfighter, BB-8 still huddling behind Poe's legs. Ren doesn't resist. Instead of the proud monster in a mask, his almost boyish face looks fearful—eyes wide, lips pressing and pressing against each other, sweat saturating the black strands of his long hair.

Poe's stomach twists. _What game is he playing?_

"Get in, you patricidal monster," Finn snarls, shoving Ren inside. He leans against the side of the starfighter.

"Sorry, BB-8, looks like you'll have to huddle," Poe says to the droid, who bleeps a few unprintable words as it is deposited next to Kylo Ren.

"You injured? In the crash?" Poe demands as he fiddles with his radio.

Ren shakes his head. "You have to contact Luke Skywalker—Rey—"

"We _saw_ you take her!" Finn shouts. "So don't pretend—"

"General Organa, this is Dameron and Finn. We've retrieved a subject. It is a hostile, but he appears to be alone."

Ren's face contorts as he hears his mother's voice echo through. _For the first time in how many years?_ Poe wonders.

 _What if he wants to hurt the General? What if he's playing us like he played his father?_ Poe's heard the story, countless times, from Finn. He won't let Ren hurt the General. He won't.

"The First Order?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Uh—" Poe swallows. "It's Kylo Ren."

"Did you kill her?" Finn finally barks out.

"No! She's alive—she's with Snoke—I need to talk to Luke!"

"Why do you have her lightsaber?"

Kylo presses his lips together.

"Fine then. _Bastard_ ," Finn mutters.

When they arrive at the base, General Organa is waiting with a look that terrifies Poe, and he's done nothing. BB-8 races directly to C-3PO, away from both the General and her depraved son.

Poe and Finn drag Ren out from the starfighter, Hunched over, Ren avoids looking at his mother.

 _Coward._

"Take him to a cell," the General orders. There's a softness to her voice that rankles Poe. This monster doesn't deserve any kindness.

Silent, they escort Ren past rows of Resistance fighters all craning to get a look of the adversary they've heard so much about. Poe glances at Ren and notices his eyes are squeezed shut, his face lowered.

Poe shoves him into a cell none-too-ceremoniously. Ren gasps as he hits the floor.

"Comfortable?" Poe mocks.

Ren looks up at him, eyes pleading. "Please. You need to get Luke Skywalker—it's Rey's only chance!"

"Forgive us if we're not to eager to believe you," Finn says coldly. "I still remember what you did to Han on that bridge."

Ren presses his face against the floor. " _I need to talk to Luke."_

"I'm not going to risk you killing anyone else," Finn informs him.

Ren is silent. Poe storms away, Finn behind him.

"What kind of game is he playing?" Poe asks, disquieted.

Finn shakes his head. "I have no idea."


	2. Chapter 1

_Almost three months earlier_

"You disappoint me."

Gasping for breath, Kylo Ren scrambles back to his feet. "Supreme Leader—"

"Killing your father should have made your stronger."

"It did," Kylo pleads, even as the anxiety climbs him, tearing him apart from his toes to his brain. _It didn't. It weakened you._ "I passed—I did the one thing even Darth Vader could not do!" _Make your voice formidable. Sound strong._ _You are strong._

 _I'm not._

"Then why are you not progressing in your training?" Disgust oozes from the Supreme Leader's voice. Disgust with _him_.

 _He'll crush you. When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you._

 _No!_ Kylo pounds himself in the side. The bowcaster wound from Chewie— _not Chewie, the Wookiee, he means nothing to you_ —has long since healed in the months since the Starkiller's destruction, but Kylo's punched himself enough times there to have an always present bruise.

"Good," Snoke encourages. "Focus on the pain. Let it consume you. Let it motivate you."

 _The Starkiller…_ Guilt worms its way in. _All those people, loyal to the First Order, dead. Dead because of your father. You did nothing but kill a man who might have killed you._

 _Ben Solo is dead. I destroyed him._

 _No, my son is alive._

Kylo slams his fist into his side so hard he feels his rib crack. Grunting in pain, he looks up to see the Supreme Leader shaking his head.

"It's not Han Solo's death," Kylo bursts out, mostly to keep the Supreme Leader from dismissing him from yet another session with only a look of disappointment, a familiar look that only fuels Kylo's memories on Han Solo.

The Supreme Leader cocks his head. "Oh?"

"It's just—I worry. After what happened on the Starkiller, more people might be persuaded to join the Resistance—"

" _Then let that fear motivate you!"_ Snoke bellows.

Kylo feels tears biting at the back of his eyelids and blinks them away. _Useless. Worthless._

"If you ever want to finish what Darth Vader started, you must _concentrate!"_ Snoke roars. "Or else the Jedi will rise again."

 _The girl. The scavenger._ "The Dark Side is stronger," Kylo says, fighting panic. He cannot fail. He cannot have sacrificed so much to fail. "We will not let that happen."

 _Thank you._

 _The moment he fell, you failed._

"We?" Snoke scoffs. "Your training is still not complete, and at the rate at which you're progressing, we both might be _dead_ before it's complete."

Kylo's eyes are burning now. He doesn't understand. He never cries.

At least, he hadn't in years, until…

Snoke rises abruptly, pacing. The man is smaller, far smaller, than Kylo Ren. "Perhaps it's the girl."

"The scavenger?" Kylo inquires. The scar on his face twinges as his hand rises to touch it.

"Yes," Snoke hisses. "The Light Side. It's been getting stronger since the awakening. Because of her." He stops in front of Kylo, reaching out and lifting his face. His hands are cold and his skin moist and frail, as if it's already decaying. "Perhaps that's why it's still tormenting you."

The Supreme Leader's voice is gentle now, and Kylo relaxes. "What can we do about it?"

"Show her the power of the Dark Side."

"I already tried that."

"Yes, but that was not under my orders, was it?" Snoke pulls Kylo's face closer to his own. "I told you to _bring her to me."_

"I—"

He releases Kylo. "She is now training with Luke Skywalker."

Sucking in air, Kylo shudders. "Without that piece of the map, we can't—"

"I've stationed a great many spies in the area. We may hear from one of them soon. Wherever Luke Skywalker is now, he will soon leave. With the girl."

Kylo presses his thumb against his side and cringes. "Why?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi's granddaughter is going to want to learn more about her past, isn't she? And when she leaves, you will take her, and you will bring her to me."

* * *

"I think you're done for the day." Luke steps back as R2-D2 crashes to the ground.

"Are you sure?" Rey pants. "I think I can keep going—one more—"

"Rest, Rey."

"Okay then." She flops down on the grassy, shoulder snagging against some pebbles. "Ow!"

 _There's so much green,_ Rey thinks as she looks up towards the sky. _And so much blue._ Waves pound the shore in the distance, lulling her into a doze.

She hears Luke's voice in the distance, chatting amiably. Expecting to hear a Wookiee moan in response, Rey is taken aback when a gravelly voice answers.

Bolting upright, Rey turns towards the Jedi temple, seeing Luke engaged in conversation with what looks like an old man, clad in Jedi robes. The man stops and looks at her, with recognition almost, and with a soft smile.

And then he vanishes, and Rey shrieks.

"Rey!" Luke charges towards her.

"What was that? Who—"

"Rey, I'm sorry—the Jedi temple—Force ghosts—"

" _Ghosts?"_

"Yes—sometimes Jedi preserve themselves, for a time, in the Force, and we can commune with them."

Rey scans the horizon. The setting sun suddenly looks sinister, like it's bleeding onto the water, and the cliffs look like looming, rabid luggabeasts. "Are there more of them?"

"Oh yes. But don't worry. They won't hurt you. That was my old mentor. Obi-Wan Kenobi." Luke lowers his eyes. "Though for most of my life I knew him as Ben."

Rey shudders as she remembers the other man she knows with that name. The Dark Side gnaws at her, tempting her with anger. "Why did he come? To advise you in advising me?"

"No. He came to watch you."

"Watch _me?"_ Rey turns to Luke.

"Rey—" Luke crouches to the ground. Rey copies him. "He was your grandfather."

 _My grandfather._ She searches her memories and can't find one. "I don't remember a grandfather."

"He died long before you were born. My father, Darth Vader, killed him."

"But if he was a Jedi, how did he—"

"My father had a relationship, too. I don't know the details. I just know that when I saw you, at the academy, I knew."

 _The academy._ Rey still can't recall what happened there, the massacre, despite Luke telling her about it. She was the only survivor, and she was hidden on Jakku. By Luke himself. _Why me? Did the Force protect me somehow?_ Or was it this mysterious ghostly grandfather?

"If he's my grandfather," she says. "Why didn't he talk to me?"

Luke shrugs. "He will, I imagine. In good time."

 _I know all about waiting._ But it's frustrating to be _so close_. "What planet was he from?"

"Stewjon."

Rey's heart leaps. "And my mother?" Luke's already told her he never met her.

"I don't know. Possibly Tatooine. Possibly Stewjon. I can't tell."

Could someone who remembers her mother still be there? Luke claimed she was dead, but if someone remembers her… can describe her face…

"You're not ready to leave yet," Luke says quickly, as if reading her mind. But he's not, because Rey knows what it feels like to have someone in her mind.

"Why did you keep this from me?" she demands. "Someone might remember her—might—"

"We don't know that, though, Rey!" Luke sighs. "Impatience was my greatest fault, too. Yoda said so."

"I am not _impatient_ ," she snaps.

"I, too, grew up without my parents."

"You had an aunt and an uncle," she reminds him. "I had Unkar Plutt." The very thought of that leering monster turns Rey's stomach. Although… now that she thinks about it, Unkar Plutt might remember more about her past than he'd claimed.

 _They left you to me. I taught you to scavenge. That's all!_

Rey shudders. _But if going back to Jakku gives me answers…_

"If you stay with me another ten days, we'll go."

Rey blinks. "What?"

Luke smiles at her. "I tried to be a demanding taskmaster once. It didn't work out well. If you practice with me for ten more days, we'll go, and we'll look for anyone who remembers your mother—while still training, of course."

Rey throws her arms around him.

* * *

Ten days later, Rey, Luke, Chewie, and R2 depart in the _Millennium Falcon._

"Almost like old days?" Rey teases her master.

Luke doesn't return her smile. "Almost."

 _Han._

Chewie growls, and Rey leans against her co-pilot's furry arms. She missed him, too, despite only knowing him for a brief period of time.

 _You feel like he's the father you never had._

Rey glances at Luke. He, too, has become like a father to her. Who would be a father figure to that monster? _Snoke?_ She snorts.

Within days, they land on the planet. Rey rushes off the ramp, eagerly looking around as if hoping to see something, anything, that would jog her memories.

But all she sees is a typical market street, with customers bobbing in and out of stalls. Other ships line up besides the _Falcon_.

Someone coughs at her side. An old man. "Excuse me, missy." He shoves past her.

The sun sets in the distance, casting everything in indigo shadows.

"We should find a cantina," Luke says. "Someone might be willing to talk there. Although we'll need to be careful…"

* * *

There are no moons on this planet. Only stars.

Kylo watches as a wizened old lady, wrapped in a midnight blue cloak, enters the cantina with his money already stuffed down her pockets.

 _Order one drink. Tell the girl next to the Wookiee she looks familiar, but insist she follow you outside for more details. Alone. And then leave, and you will not remember a thing,_

He could have just used the mind trick, he knows. But for the trouble the woman would surely get from Luke Skywalker and Chewbacca afterwards, he felt guilty not paying her handsomely.

 _Luke Skywalker._ His uncle is here. He can use Rey to lure him out.

But the Supreme Leader had not said a word about capturing Luke, or killing him. Perhaps he assumed it was understood. _Then, the girl will have no more options but to turn to the Dark Side._

But, Kylo reasons, if he kills his uncle, who's to say it won't have the same effect killing his father had? Weakening him.

 _Another time. Wait for another time. Perhaps Rey will be the one to do it._

Kylo flinches as he remembers his father's last look of horror, as if he were looking at a monster, frozen on his face.

But the touch… the way he'd grazed his cheek… that wasn't horror. It wasn't repulsion. It was love.

 _Love._

 _Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father, so I destroyed him._

Was it weakness, when Han caressed his face? Was it weakness when he tried to bring him home?

Snoke's voice interrupts his thoughts, the last sentence he said to Kylo Ren when he ordered him after the girl: _if you fail…_

The sentence hangs unfinished. Kylo envisions Hux's face, the General laughing and taunting him. " _Defeated by an untrained girl? And that traitor?"_

 _Fail him again, Hux said before Kylo boarded his ship, and see if he's so forgiving. Maybe you fail because you don't want to succeed. Because you don't really believe in our cause._

Kylo had flung Hux across the room and stormed onto the ship before anything more could be said. _I believe in it. I do. Help me, Grandfather._

 _Murderer._

Kylo doubles over, the weight of the word— _truth, it's_ true _, that's what you are, it's what you've been for a long time before your father_ —bludgeoning him.

Rey emerges, her cheeks flushed and eyes alight with hope. Guilt assails him. But he has to do it.

"Where are you going?" Rey calls after the older lady as Kylo slides up behind her.

"Rey."

She whirls around and he freezes her effortlessly. His uncle's training was always so ineffective.

It's not as easy as it was on Takodana, though. He grabs her, carrying her towards his ship when she fights back, snapping out of the state he put her in and socking him in the chin.

Shock and pain shoot through his skull towards the back of his neck. Kylo tumbles to the ground, feeling the loose stones and pebbles scraping his gloves. Rey leaps to her feet, opening her mouth to scream.

He freezes her again, but her eyes—they tell him she's fighting, and in another second she'll be free and Luke will come running, Chewie will come running, and Snoke will never accept him if he doesn't kill them.

And, strangely, he doesn't want to kill them. He's so afraid of failing. Failing to kill them. And he's even more afraid of succeeding, and failing Snoke.

"Come with me now," he shouts. "And I won't touch your friends."

The hilt of a lightsaber glints from her waistband. As her fingers start to twitch, he lunges and snatches it from her.

 _The lightsaber is rightfully yours._

 _It's mine,_ her voice snaps in his head. Kylo flinches, because the only voice he ever hears inside of his head is Snoke's.

 _Not anymore,_ he thinks back with triumph.

 _You're a monster._

"I'm sorry," he says, feeling strangely sincere—but not sincere enough to let her go. The need to please Snoke, feed the Darkness—it wins out. It always does.

 _Does it?_

 _Thank you,_ he said to Han, feeling less thankful than he'd ever felt.

Kylo freezes her a third time and drags her aboard the ship.


	3. Chapter 2

When Rey wakes up, her head is throbbing and her throat feels parched. Gasping, she jumps to her feet inside what looks like a small bedchamber, metallic and dark. A single light glows rom the ceiling. She throws off a blanket woven of uneven dull grey fibers.

 _Kylo Ren._

 _I'm on his ship._

And Luke… her mother… Rey crumbles back onto the bed, trying not to cry. She notices a pitcher of water on the floor and glugs it down.

The door slides open, and Kylo Ren enters, concealed under that black mask meant to intimidate. Rey glares at him.

The first thing Kylo Ren does is remove his mask, setting it down on one of the shelves built into the wall. Rey notes, not without satisfaction, the scar marring his face.

"Why?" she demands. "Why me?"

He glances away from her, at the metal wall and their images reflected there. "The Supreme Leader requested I bring you to him. For the second time, if you count the time on Starkiller Base."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"To torture and kill me?" she ventures.

Now, Kylo Ren meets her eyes. "No. He will want you to join him. You need a teacher."

Rey laughs. Her head pounds. Probably because this idiot banged it against the door or something. "I _have_ one." _Have_ , not had. "And when I refuse, _then_ he'll torture and kill me."

"No, he won't," Kylo insists, in an almost reassuring tone. When Rey glares up at him, he adopts a blank look. "I suggest you don't try to escape. The ship is small, and there are no escape pods."

Rey gapes at him. "You have that much faith in this ship, then, huh?"

He almost smiles. "Are you comfortable? Do you need anything? Food, more water?"

The notion of food nauseates her. Rey shakes her head and regrets it. Everything spins, and her brain feels like it's knocking against her skull. "You bumped my head," she accuses.

"I did not."

She scowls, her skin prickling. Why is it so cold? "Well, then, why does it hurt?"

His gaze darts all around, like a little child trying to remember what he's accused of now. "I—I tried to be careful—"

Rey rubs her shoulder.

"Your shoulder hurts, too?" he asks.

"No doubt thanks to your freezing me," she snaps. She wants to grab the threadbare blanket, but she can't. She won't show any more weakness in front of him.

"I've never heard of—"

"Do you make a habit of asking your prisoners how your Force tricks make them feel?" Disgust and rage well up within her. This is the man who almost killed Finn. Who killed Han Solo.

"You want to kill me still?"

She says nothing, but glances away. _I am a terrible Jedi._ "No," she answers, meeting his eyes once again. "My teacher wouldn't want me to."

He swallows.

Rey rubs her forehead. "If you're going to ask me where Luke Skywalker is, I won't tell you. We both know that."

"I've had more training since then."

"So have I."

He shrugs as if to acknowledge her point and turns towards the door. "If you need anything, just knock. If I am busy, one of the stormtroopers will be happy to help you."

She's almost shivering. The cold feels like a snake coiling and uncoiling on her skin and inside her. _Oh, to hell with it._ "There is one thing," she calls.

He pauses, his hand hovering over his mask.

"Can you make it warmer in here? Or bring another blanket?"

The hand drops away from the mask as Kylo Ren steps closer to her. "You're cold?"

Rey backs away as he comes closer still.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he hisses, kneeling in front of her and pulling off a black glove. Rey recoils as his hand reaches for her head.

"Last time—"

But he's not using the Force. Instead, his hand presses against her forehead, and when he withdraws it, Kylo's face is pale. "You have a fever."

Rey's stomach roils. If she's sick, how can she escape?

"Lie down," he tells her, pulling the cover over her as she glares at him. "I'll get you more blankets—and some more water—"

The drum inside her head pulls Rey down. She shuts her eyes, feigning sleep, pretending she's back on Ahch-To with Luke, back on Jakku with her doll, left to her by the mother she still doesn't know, a mother who would certainly force her to drink water when sick, and cover her with more blankets…

But her mother's dead, and someone else is covering her and forcing the water down her throat and placing icy compresses on her head, telling her in a far gentler tone: " _You're going to be fine. You'll see. Don't be afraid."_

* * *

"Sir, are you sure diverting from the planned course is a good idea?" asks the stormtrooper.

 _Why can't Supreme Leader see the benefits of clones?_ Kylo asks himself for the umpteenth time. "She needs medicine."

It's been three days, and Rey's still drifting in and out of fever-induced dreams, unable to eat any of the food that they have on board, at times calling out what sounds like a memory Kylo knows he caused: " _Don't leave me! Come back!"_

Snoke would be furious if she dies, Kylo tells himself. Beyond that, he also knows that _he_ doesn't want her to die. Because she feels like, maybe, his last link to something he craves. He doesn't even know what that something is— _a partner in the Force? A friend? Never, never compassion for an enemy of the First Order_ —but he feels it and he wants whatever it is this girl has.

"What have you got?" Kylo asks the trooper, who reports that they are about an hour away from the nearest planet with a decent town.

"But sir, it's notorious for being an unsavory place—lots of criminals, a maniacal king—I doubt the First Order will be terribly welcome."

"I'm sure you'll do your duty and keep us all safe," Kylo says.

The stormtrooper capitulates under the subtle threat. "Yes, sir."

"Hadn't we better inform General Hux?" asks another stormtrooper.

"No," Kylo says shortly. "None of you will mention this." Because as enraged as Snoke would be if Kylo fails to deliver Rey alive, Snoke would be even _more_ enraged to discover that compassion still lurks within his apprentice.

 _I can't let her die._

Kylo ducks back inside the cramped room. Rey's kicked all her blankets off and lies on her side, muttering.

"Rey?"

"Can I go back?" she rasps, turning her face against the bed and hacking. It sounds as if glue is stuck to her lungs. " _Please_ will you let me go?"

Hands shaking, Kylo pours her some water. He remembers pleading with his uncle when he was ill and, as a padawan, his mother was not allowed to visit. _I want to go home._

But Rey doesn't have a home. And that's his fault.

"Here's some water," Kylo offers, crouching beside her and helping her sit up to drink it.

She leans back against his arm, water dribbling down her chin, eyes glassy, hair plastered to her temples. "What happened to you?"

Kylo blinks. "What?"

"You. What happened? Weren't you—weren't you supposed to be better than this?"

Kylo can't breathe. He wants to take his lightsaber to the entire building, because in her words he hears Luke, he hears his mother, he hears his father and Lor San Tekka and everyone, all the people he's let down. He hears Snoke, and Hux with the derision slicing through his voice, the stormtroopers.

 _They all know how weak you are._

 _You're afraid that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!_

Kylo lowers Rey back onto the bed and rushes out of the room. He powers up his lightsaber—not Rey's, because it's better than his and more stable and she's more deserving and he hates himself so much he considers stabbing it through himself. But then Rey will die. And he can't slash the computers—they're all they have. And the stormtroopers, who cower away…

Furious, Kylo storms into another private room and does the only thing he can: he tears off his mask and punches himself, again and again, over the scar from Chewie's bowcaster. But label still cackles in his head: _Failure. Failure, failure, failure!_

Kylo drops to the ground. Pressing his face against his knees, he cries.

"Sir?" An unlucky stormtrooper bangs on the door. "Sir, we've arrived."

"Good." Kylo stands and replaces his helmet. "Let's go. And if anything happens to her while I'm gone…"

"Nothing will happen, sir," squeaks the stormtrooper.

 _I'm not weak. Hux is weak,_ Kylo consoles himself. _Look at the troops he creates._

 _Hux isn't deviating from the mission for compassion, though, is he?_

* * *

Rey wakes up to Kylo Ren again, coaxing her into drinking some pungent yellow liquid. She gags and sputters.

"I know, it tastes terrible," she hears him say soothingly. "It will make you feel better, Rey, I promise."

And it does. Three treatments in, and the fog in Rey's head starts to clear, and she starts to sweat—a key sign of a fever breaking.

As far as she can tell, they're still on whatever planet Kylo bought the medicine. A planet, no doubt, with ships she can steal… if she can just get off of this one. Rey pulls the blankets above her head, hoping to still feel feverish whenever he comes.

"Any better?" she hears him asking anxiously. As if he cares.

She moans. "My chest hurts." And it does. Rey coughs so hard she sees stars, little white dots, exploding in front of her eyes.

"I have more medicine." It's not a request.

Rey's certainly strong enough to drink it on her own, but if she's going to escape, he has to still believe her an invalid. She rolls over and peeks out from under the cocoon of blankets.

"Here." He holds out a vial of the sludge. Rey grimaces.

"I bought some honey to go with it," he offers.

She squints at him. "Honey?"

"It's sweet," he explains. "My mother used to give it to me, when I needed medicine…"

"The General?" Rey watches his nostrils flare. It was strange, imagining Kylo Ren before he became Kylo Ren, as _Ben_ , a child needing his mother.

 _He could still use one,_ Rey thinks. "Are you planning to kill her too?"

Kylo shoves the vial at her. She drinks—it _is_ sweet—but watches him, noticing the tremble in his jaw and the disturbance riddling his face.

 _It's too late,_ she remembers him telling Han before stabbing the man. _Han Solo can't save you,_ he told her and Finn in the snowy forest.

 _Was he talking to us or to himself?_

"I'm sorry," she mumbles.

His jaw drops. "For what?"

"Wanting to kill you." Her voice sounds slurred. She needs to lie down. And he needs to distract himself doing whatever he does so she can get _out_ of here.

Kylo shakes his head, fear blooming in his eyes. He backs away from her, as if she's the monster.

* * *

 _The Light._

It pulsates within him. He can't stop it.

And that's what Rey is. _The Light._

He doesn't want the Light. He needs to extinguish it, in himself, in Rey. But he likes the way helping her feels. He likes seeing her improve, even slightly, even if she still hates him.

And to quench the Light in her… Kylo fears that would destroy her, smother the very essence of what made her Rey.

 _It will make her more powerful. As Snoke's made you more powerful. It will help her become whom she's meant to be…_

He laughs, because the words bang and clang, hollow and futile.

 _If this is what you're meant to be, do you want to be this?_

 _Could I even become anything else?_ he wonders.

 _It's too late._

It wasn't then.

But it is now. There can be no going back. Not when he slaughtered the man who tried to offer him redemption, lured him out on the bridge, teetering back and forth in his own mind, with the Light urging him to hand over the lightsaber, fall into his father's arms and weep, and the Dark urging him to get as close as he could to the Light and rip it all away, use what he thought of as his weakness to accomplish the Dark's purposes.

Kylo remembers the vacuum of horror that opened up within him as Han fell. There was no Light, and there was no Dark. There was nothing.

 _Murderer._

After the Knights of Ren attacked Luke's Jedi academy, Snoke told him that his father had gone back to smuggling, and Kylo knew that the only way his father would leave his mother was if he thought there was no hope. Kylo knew his father had given him up for dead, probably _wished_ he were actually dead instead of serving Snoke.

And when his father called out to him on that bridge, Kylo couldn't believe it.

 _I've been waiting for this day for a long time._

Snoke had been waiting, with one end in mind. Ben had been waiting, not even daring to hope for that day, with another end in mind.

 _My son is alive._

 _We miss you._

 _It wasn't a lie,_ Kylo realizes. At the time, the Light told him to believe, to trust his father, and the Dark screamed and warned him not to fall for it. And when he listened to the Dark and stabbed his father, he saw that Han had been telling the truth all along.

Kylo clutches his face, the same place Han had touched. _He did miss you. He loved you._

"Sir?" The stormtrooper bangs on the door again.

"What?"

"The girl! She's—she's gone!"

Kylo grasps his lightsaber. He needs to find her, or fail forever in Snoke's eyes.

As he stalks off the ship to search for her, something stirs within him. _Shame_. The feeling that he's failing in a far more significant way.


	4. Chapter 3

Rey slinks around the back of another ship. She watches Kylo Ren storm towards the town, clearly intent on dragging back his prisoner. Well, he won't catch her.

Rey pulls herself up, cutting the lock off with her lightsaber. She pries the door open, staggers inside, and feels an arm wrap around her throat, holding her neck in a precarious position.

"Well," sneers one Twi'lek. At least, Rey thinks it's a Twi'lek based on the long tentacles dangling past the being's waist. "What do we have here?"

"Thief," grunts another one.

"We should bring her to the king. Prana could always use more food for his zoo," says a third. "Lock her in the—"

Rey does not know who this King Prana is, but she does know where she heard the name before, and she has no intention of being fed to a rathtar. "You will release me at once," she says, pushing her words into his mind.

The hold around her neck loosens.

"What are you doing?" yelps a blue Twi'lek, the one who suggested they give her to Prana.

"You will let me walk out this door, and you will not come after me," Rey states.

Two nod. The third blinks. "Why would I—"

"You will let me walk out this door, and you will not come after me," Rey repeats.

"I—" The Twi'lek's eyes cloud over. "I will let you walk out the door, and I will not come after you."

"Good-bye," Rey says as she leaps out the door.

"Hey, who are you?" More Twi'leks. Rey whirls around and slashes at them with her lightsaber—just close enough to terrify them as she flees.

"Get her!" A blaster shoots past her and hits another ship, engulfing it in flames. Kylo's ship.

 _Oh well,_ Rey thinks.

Screams erupt all around her, tearing the air with terror and rage. Rey chokes as another coughing spasm stymies her from fleeing. She tumbles to her knees, fingers sinking in mud as she spits up.

"There's a girl! A girl tried to—"

 _Get out of here!_ There is no way she can steal a ship now, not tonight. In another moment the mob will be on her, and Kylo Ren must certainly be on his way back to the commotion.

Rey scrambles into the forest, realizing that it's more of a swamp than a forest when she's already far enough inside that she can't see the dancing light of the flames. She grits her teeth as she yanks her leg out of the mud. She would have preferred the quicksands of Jakku. With her lungs still feeling as if they've been weighted down with lead, she doesn't know how many more steps she has in her.

The hum of a lightsaber sends terror ricocheting down her spine.

"Rey," she hears his voice call. "Rey, I know you're out here."

 _Do you?_ she wonders. _Or are you just guessing?_ A vine smacks against her eye. Tugging at it, Rey begins to climb. Her fear fuels her energy.

"If you come back now, I won't hurt you!"

 _No,_ Rey thinks as she pulls herself up the vine. _You'll just hand me over to someone who will._

The vine stirs in her hand. Rey freezes, one hand pressed against the scabby bark of the tree, the other hand clutching a vine that's slithering down her leg, wrapping around—

Rey shrieks, letting go and plummeting to the ground, splashing into a small pool. Unfortunately, she hears something else splat against the mud.

Summoning the Force, Rey thrusts the creature away from her, panting. And then the swamp is light up in a furious red, and she sees a serpent, writhing and greener than any green Rey would ever want to see, slam into Kylo.

His lightsaber flies away, crashing into another tree. Rey runs.

And she hears him cry out. Blue lights up then—my _lightsaber!_ —and within a second she ducks, that lightsaber having flown past her head.

She summons her own lightsaber, feels it fly into her grasp. Armed, Rey ducks under the hanging branches of a slimy, dying tree, lighting her way with blue.

And she can still hear his strangled gasps. _It serves him right—I'm not doing it, this can't be the Dark Side—oh, fine!_

Rey whirls around, stumbling over a rock as she splashes back towards the pool. The serpent hisses when it sees her, body coiled around its prey. Kylo looks at Rey, mask covering his face, but she can tell he's looking to her as his only hope.

Determination chases away the weakness of her illness. Rey lunges at them both, searing the snake with her lightsaber. The creature snarls, wriggling in agony as she stabs it in the face, in the eyes—but it keeps thrusting at her, while still gripping Kylo— _be careful, or you'll slash his head off_ —

Kylo finally frees one of his arms. His lightsaber flies into his hand as Rey takes advantage and cuts off the creature's head. Blood—purple and thick—spurts over Kylo's mask. He gags as Rey pries the thrashing body off him.

Doubled over, Kylo wheezes as his lungs try to adjust to having air in them again. He tosses the mask to the ground.

She's too weak to run. "That's the second time I could have let you die," Rey informs him, gasping herself. Her legs shake.

"So why didn't you?" He's not challenging her. Instead, face lit by the blue hue of Rey's lightsaber, he almost looks as if he's beseeching her.

"Because I don't like it when people suffer," she says. "Because I don't want to be like you."

Panting, he rocks back onto his heels. "You can go."

"What?"

"I'll tell Snoke you escaped."

She can't believe it. "You just want me to die in the swamp!"

"No, I—"

"There's light up ahead!" A harsh voice echoes through the trees. Kylo and Rey look at each other.

"Up the tree," Rey directs, using her lightsaber to check for serpents. _All clear._ She drags herself up— _just a little further, you can do this, you can do this, you_ have _to_ —thrusting a hand down to pull Kylo along with her. She can feel his arms shaking. Hers aren't doing any better.

She switches off her lightsaber, perched as far near the top as is safe, her arms and legs wrapped around the trunk. Her throat itches, but she can't cough. Not now.

A small posse of Twi'leks and men swarm the area. "They killed the serpent!"

"This way!" directs the Twi'lek, plunging on ahead. Rey sighs in relief.

"By the way, your ship went up in flames," she whispers.

She can't see him, but she hears his intake of air.

"The stormtroopers—"

"They stayed back. I imagine they're dead," he says harshly.

"Or taken to King Prana," Rey muses. _Same thing._ Guilt fiddles with her stomach. _I don't want to be like you._

She just caused the deaths of all those stormtroopers. Maybe some of them had known Finn. Tears sting her eyes. She sniffs.

"Are you crying?" she hears him ask.

"I'm still trying to get over an illness."

"Right."

Rey sniffs again. "I'm sorry they're dead."

He snorts. "You realize none of them would care if you died?"

"Yeah. But I care." She peers down and catches a gleam that must be his eyes.

"What do we do now?" he asks after a moment.

"We should stay here for the night—find some shelter, something—and maybe tomorrow, or even the day after, steal a ship." Rey glances down again. "Do you still mean it? No Force tricks to get me to your Supreme Leader?"

He sighs. "I won't. We'll leave together, I drop you off at another planet, you get home, I'll go back to Snoke."

"No," Rey says, sweat sliding down her back. " _I_ drop _you_ off. And _you_ figure out how to get back to Snoke."

"Fine."

"Why do you want to go back to him anyways? Won't he be angry with you for failing to bring me?"

"What other options do I have?" he hisses.

Rey can't believe she's saying this. "I can drop you off at the Resistance base. Your mother—"

"No," he cuts her off. "I can't."

His tone is so flat, so matter-of-fact. It takes Rey a moment to process why it disturbs her: there's no conviction.

She lets silence—or, the chirps, buzzes, and occasional wails of the swamp—take over. After what seems to be close to an hour, Rey finally says that they can climb down. Her limbs shake as she shimmies to the swamp floor.

"Now what?" Kylo asks.

Rey lights up her saber. "We look for any land out of the water."

Finding dry land turns out to be harder than Rey anticipated. When Kylo finally finds a small hill, Rey's too exhausted to think about building shelter. "We'll have to take turns keeping watch."

"I'll take the first shift," he volunteers. "You sleep."

"Thanks." The headache that accompanied her fever has returned, but Rey tells herself she'll be better after she's slept.

She drifts off and dreams about an ocean, and Luke, and her mother, a woman without a face.

"Rey." A hand shakes her awake. She jumps back when she realizes Kylo Ren is inches from her face.

"You were moaning in your sleep," he explains.

Sitting up, Rey taps at her skull. The headache's gone. She doesn't want to go back to sleep. "I'll take over."

"You weren't asleep that long."

"Well, I'm fine," she snaps. "Sleep, don't sleep, do whatever you want."

He hunches over, but she can tell he plans to stay awake. Why, she doesn't know. "Look," she tries. "If you sleep, you'll be better prepared for tomorrow, when we steal the ship."

No response.

"You are still planning on letting me go, right?"

"I—yes."

His hesitation sets off a fire within her and her lightsaber. She points it directly at his skull. Kylo jumps, his hand hovering over his own saber.

"I'm leaving here and I'm not going to Snoke," she says, voice shaking. "Was it just a ploy? So I'd help you?"

He shakes his head, eyes wide. "N-no! I meant it. I just—"

The lightsaber doesn't waver. "Was having second thoughts?"

"No. Yes. But no. You can go. I—"

She withdraws her weapon. "I can't tell when to trust you."

"It wasn't a plot," Kylo insists, sounding almost on the verge of tears. "None of it was. I don't think so. I don't—" He slams his fist into an uprooted tree, sending root fragments and bark flying. "I don't know whether it was or not! I don't know what's real and what's not anymore! I don't know what I want, who I am, whom I'm supposed to be!" He punches himself in the side once, twice, three—

"Stop it!" Rey grabs his wrists. "What are you _doing?"_

Dawn starts to breathe over the swamp, setting their faces aglow with a violet hue. She realizes that Kylo's crying, he's actually _crying_ , and Rey doesn't know what to do, because monsters don't cry. "This isn't about me at all, is it?"

He tugs his wrists away from her, but she holds on. "I—you don't understand, Rey. If I don't bring you back, Snoke will be furious. He's already—he's angry I lost to you and the stormtrooper on the Starkiller. If I don't do this—"

 _So much fear._ Even those moments she pushed into his mind on the Starkiller and felt his fear were minimal compared to the amount of he he's willingly showing her now. Rey peers at him. "If you're afraid, go to the Resistance. Snoke won't find you there. They'll keep you safe."

"He won't—" Kylo exhales raggedly. "He'll still find me there, Rey. He'll always find me."

"Do you want him to?" An hour ago, Rey would have been certain she knew the answer. Now, she suspects Kylo himself doesn't even know.

"I—I _need_ —" He shakes his head.

Rey releases his wrists, leaning in. "I thought you practically worshipped Snoke."

"He—he's not—I'm afraid of him, but it's wise to make your subjects afraid, isn't it? So they listen? Because it's best for them in the end?"

"No," Rey answers bluntly. "Why do you—I can't understand why you'd want to serve such a creature."

Kylo meets her eyes, his scar garish against his skin. "He showed me the power of the Dark Side. He showed me—he showed me what I _could_ be, in my grandfather."

Rey picks up some of the fallen bark and tosses it into the air. "Luke's told me about Anakin Skywalker."

"The Jedi held him back," Kylo says quickly. "From becoming Darth Vader. Just like they were holding me back."

"How did you meet Snoke?" she inquires. Her throat feels scratchy, and Rey realizes how long it's been since either of them had water.

"He was always there. He supported me. He told me I'd be something great, like my grandfather, like my father and my mother, even. And then he showed me how foolish they were, with the Rebellion."

"You honestly think the Empire should have lasted?"

"Well, what's the alternative? Chaos?" Kylo counters, almost as if he's reciting lines that have been drilled into him. "I remember the early years—Mother was always rushing off somewhere on some diplomatic mission, and Father had no idea how to deal with a kid. When they shipped me off to Luke's they were relieved. If the Empire was still around, they could have—"

"At least you _had_ parents," Rey snaps. The sun has almost completely risen by now, and the violet light's transformed to a soft yellow and a vibrant orange.

A blaster shot cuts through the air. Kylo grabs Rey as Twi'leks and men appear from behind a tree, all aiming blasters. Kylo grabs for his lightsaber, but Rey shakes her head.

 _There's no point._

One talks into a radio. "Tell King Prana we found them."

* * *

Poe eases the starfighter down on Stewjon. "Seedy place," he observes as he lowers the ramp.

BB-8 squeals and races off, zipping in and out of puddles and people as it races towards a familiar droid.

" _R2!"_ Poe shouts. Behind the droid, a Wookiee roars.

"I take it you're with the Resistance," says a man clad in Jedi robes, face covered in a graying beard.

"Yes, sir. Mr. Skywalker. You are Luke Skywalker, right?" Poe asks.

The man grins. "I am. And you are?"

"Poe Dameron. Pilot. This is Finn. He used to be a stormtrooper under your crazy nephew."

Finn glares at Poe, and when Luke's face falls, guilt creeps in. "I'm sorry. We're—we're here to look for Rey. To _find_ her."

Luke studies both of them. "Well, come on, then." He beckons towards the _Millennium Falcon_ , coughing.

"You all right?" Finn asks.

"I've been ill." Luke waves his head. "No matter, I'm recovering now."

"How certain are you that it was Kylo Ren?" Poe asks once they're on board. He tries not to obsess over the details of this place, this legendary ship. _Focus on your mission, Dameron._

"It was a Dark Force user, and as far as I know, Snoke's only apprentice is Ben. He used to have more, but whenever they wear out their use, he…" Luke draws his fingers across his neck.

"Wait, seriously?"

"I always wondered where the other Knights of Ren went," Finn says.

"Ben is a special case. He's made from the Light, and the Dark. Snoke's been… interested in Ben since he was a child." Luke drums his fingers on the bunk. "If either of you think you can take him on, I assure you, you cannot."

"But _you_ can," Finn exclaims.

"Maybe."

"Why would he take Rey?" Poe asks, watching Finn's face, still so full of hope, of faith, that Luke Skywalker would save Rey. Poe's heart aches and he hates himself for it.

"Snoke likely wants another apprentice. I doubt Ben understands what that means for him."

"I thought the Knights of Ren weren't like the Sith," Poe says as BB-8 and R2 power up the Dejarik table. Chewie watches with interest. "That they can have more than one apprentice."

"Snoke has no problem having multiple apprentices. But I fear Ben has disappointed Snoke somehow." Luke gets up from the bunk, pacing.

"You fear for _him_?" Finn's lip rises in disgust. "What about Rey?"

"I fear for both of them," Luke says. "Compassion isn't limited to just the good. For so long my own mentor tried to tell me my father was too far gone. In the end, he wasn't."

"Your father didn't kill his own kin, though." Finn clenches his fist. "I saw him murder Han Solo. His own father. I saw him—he ordered _me_ to kill countless people. He made _me_ a murderer. He tortured Poe!"

Poe nods. "He did."

"And now he has Rey, _again_."

Luke sighs. "I have no idea where he's taken Rey."

"So we're screwed, is what you're saying," Poe supplies.

"Hardly." Luke leans over and coughs. "We need to get back to the Jedi temple. There's a man there—or there was a man—who cares very much about what happens to Rey. He might be able to help us help her."

"Who is it?" Poe asks, dubious.

"My old master. Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Finn's jaw drops. "A dead guy?"

"A Force ghost."

Finn looks at Poe, who shakes his head. "News to me."

Chewie stands up, growling and gesticulating.

"We believe him!" Finn squeaks.

* * *

 **Thanks to everyone for reading, and for all the reviews! Seriously, I so appreciate it. Stay tuned for tomorrow's installment, in which Kylo and Rey will have to work together to escape whatever King Prana has planned for them (and maaaaybe start appreciating each other a little more).**


	5. Chapter 4

Arms bound, Kylo and Rey are escorted through a corridor that seems to be made of cages crafted from glass. Although, based on the way the cages glitter, Kylo suspects they're actually made out of diamonds. And the strange creatures that writhe inside, sometimes slamming up against the edge and slobbering at the sight of humans, terrify him.

"They're going to feed us to one of these things," he hisses to Rey.

"They'll try." She glances back at him. "At least they never got their rathtars."

"Their _what?"_

"When I met your father, he was delivering King Prana rathtars. We _barely_ got away," she whispers.

Of _course_ , Han Solo worked with this lunatic king. _Of course he did._ All the same, Kylo hears the subtle implication: _you probably shouldn't reveal who you are._

 _As if it'd be hard for them to guess._ He feels strangely peaceful, though, as he says it. Peace feels foreign, and Kylo's bewildered until he hears her.

 _Well, you can try._

Kylo's head snaps back up, studying the back of Rey's. Dark brown strands are strewn every which way, escaping the three buns she usually coils it in. _Are you in my head?_

The moment he starts to resist, the tranquility he felt gives way, and pain takes over. She withdraws.

"Sorry," she mutters.

Eventually the hallway gives way to an enormous room with a domed ceiling, all encrusted with jewels. A tall, gray skinned man rises before them, almost as tall in person as Snoke pretends to be in his holograms.

Two Twi'leks kneel, presenting the king with their lightsabers. King Prana does not look impressed. He extends a hand coated in golden armor, examining the weapons closely. "Some archaic design, no doubt," he remarks.

Kylo invades Rey's mind now, feels her anxiety. _He doesn't understand the Force. That will give us—_

 _An advantage, I know; now get out!_

"The rancor was fed last night. But the krayt dragon," drawls King Prana. "Is surely hungry."

Fed with Kylo's men, no doubt. Compunction stabs at him again, and he hates himself for it. _Grandfather, help me—I can't resist the Light!_

 _You're going to have to work with the Light if you're going to survive_ , he tells himself, looking at Rey. She coughs again, and Kylo hopes she infects the people here.

Hands seize Kylo and Rey as laughter rings around them. "What's a krayt dragon?" Rey whispers.

"They're native to Tatooine," Kylo answers, huffing as his arm is nearly wrenched out of its socket.

"How likely are we to fight it off?"

Frantically, Kylo searches his own memories. Grandfather was from Tatooine. _If I ever needed to hear from you, it's now_! he prays furiously.

Uncle Luke was also from Tatooine… he mentioned krayt dragons before, Kylo knows he did, but _damn_ if he can remember. Something about shadows…

 _Right._ "They can't distinguish people from shadows," he says as they're shoved onto a platform that lifts them up, up, up, towards the blazing sun. "And—their sinus cavities can be breached by blasters."

"We don't _have_ blasters!"

"We have the Force!"

The platform jerks to a stop. "In you go," growls a woman with skin the same chrome color as Captain Phasma's armor, and then they're both falling. When Kylo slams into the sand, he grunts as he lands on his already cracked rib.

Rey scrambles to her feet as a shrill cry echoes throughout the pen. "Is that what they sound like?"

"I presume." The high neck of his shirt scratches against Kylo's chin as he backs away. "How much practice with telekinesis did Luke give you?"

Rey answers by effortlessly levitating a desert rock and smirking at him.

"When it comes over that ridge," Kylo says as he gets to his feet, rib smarting. "Aim it at the head."

"Right," Rey pants.

A snarling creature with spikes covering its head and enormous teeth shrieks as it appears. Rey hurls the stone. It bounces off of the dragon's head and the dragon lunges.

"That didn't work!" Rey yelps, running towards a large boulder and clambering up it. Kylo follows suit, sending a larger rock at its head as the dragon mauls at their shadows.

"Now down!" Rey hops off, pulling Kylo after her. Sand flies into his eyes, stinging and scraping. He can't see, but he can feel Rey tugging at him, dragging him along, until finally, _finally_ , he pries his eyes open and light invades.

"Rey, the boulder!"

"What?" Rey stumbles, coughing. "Of course!"

"Together?" Kylo shouts, summoning all of his energy and directing all his power, into lifting the boulder. Beside him, he can feel Rey using her power as well—and the steady thrum of her energy energizes him, makes up for where he doubts himself.

The dragon, thrashing and howling, charges, and without needing to say a word to each other, they drop the rock on the creature's head.

"We did it!" Rey shrieks, clapping her hands together.

"We did!" Kylo exults, fear fleeing from him. _We're alive!_

Rey throws her arms around him… and immediately releases him, swallowing and studying the sand. He notices the freckles sprinkled across her nose.

 _Is this how she normally celebrates? With friends?_ Kylo wonders.

 _What now?_

* * *

"So we're waiting on Luke's emissary to bring news," Poe tells the General.

"What emissary?" Leia asks darkly.

 _Damn_. He'd been hoping she wouldn't ask. "A ghost. A Force ghost. Rey's grandfather's Force ghost."

"Rey's grandfather?"

"Yeah, you knew him, right?" _And named your homicidal son after him._ "Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

"Get Luke over here," Leia orders.

"He's kind busy in the temple at the moment," Poe admits.

"I don't give a—he's been busy for fifteen years, he can spare me a few minutes!" Leia snaps.

"Yes ma'am," Poe scrambles towards the temple. _What happens if someone who isn't Force sensitive goes in?_ he wonders. _Will I melt? Will I become a ghost? Will I suddenly get Force powers?_

 _Nothing will happen,_ he snaps at himself. _Or Luke would have warned us._ Still, he doesn't want to find out, but the fact is that whatever's in the temple cannot be as scary as defying an already-furious General Organa. When Luke bounds down the steps and claps him on the shoulder, telling him he heard through the Force that his sister was calling, Poe wilts in relief.

Finn saunters up to him, BB-8 and R2 rolling along behind him. "I don't want to be in earshot of _that_ conversation."

"Nope," Poe agrees, studying his friend in the jacket Poe gave him.

"I really appreciate you helping with this," Finn says, breathing in the damp sea air. "Find Rey. I know to many she's just a scavenger, but—"

"She's a Jedi in training. Luke's last hope. Far more than just a scavenger," Poe interrupts. He hopes Finn doesn't finish whatever he was going to say.

"Yeah… poor Luke." Finn tears up some of the grass. "First Leia's son kills all his trainees, and just when he's come out of hermit-dom, the guy kidnaps his newest trainee."

"Can you believe he still has hope for him?" Hoping for the impossible. Poe knows that feeling all too well—he runs on it every insane piloting mission, he clings to it at night and in moments like now, when he's _so close_ to Finn and can't reveal anything.

Finn snorts. "That's called denial."

"I can't blame the General though. He's her son." Poe thinks of his own parents, long dead. _They'd be proud of you_ , Leia told him after his last mission.

He hopes so.

"Well, I'll never know my parents, so…"

BB-8 blips sadly, as if in sympathy with Finn.

"Rey's kind of like the first family that I felt like I had, you know?" Finn adds. "She's the first person who didn't see me as a stormtrooper."

 _Not quite,_ Poe thinks.

BB-8 whirs and shocks Poe. "Ow!"

"Droid, stop!" orders Finn.

"What'd I do, BB-8?" Poe yells.

The droid whirls around without answering, its head tilted upwards. But Poe knows: _You didn't say anything._

* * *

 _Compassion is foolishness. It is weakness. It does not matter._

But Rey saving his life from the serpent _does_ matter. His father touching his face, telling Ben he loved him without words as he fell—it matters.

 _It's just because you're weak,_ Kylo snaps at himself as he rolls over. King Prana, impressed by their survival, agreed to take them on as his slaves/scavengers. _Until we can escape,_ Rey added in Kylo's mind.

Kylo's not used to being a captive, bound to someone else's whims and orders.

 _Aren't you?_

 _Did you want to do it? Kill your father? Or was it Snoke? Was it always Snoke?_

Kylo's not sure whether the answer is yes or no, and either way, the answer will haunt him.

In the meantime, Rey found one of the less-damaged ships—all of which had suffered heat and/or fire damage (some, like his own, worse than others)—for them to sleep in. Both of them lie on the metal floor, on opposite sides of the cabin.

 _Did Father ever come to this planet?_ Kylo wonders. _Or did he communicate with Prana somehow else?_

 _What would his father say if he found his only son, a scavenger/slave of Prana's?_

 _Come home._

 _We miss you._

He presses against his busted rib and gasps in pain. No strength.

There never was any strength in pain, was there?

"If you don't sleep," Rey's voice echoes from the other side of the alcove. "You won't have the energy to scavenge. And the Force isn't going to help you. Not much at least."

The question flies off his tongue. "You said Han Solo knew King Prana? Worked for him?"

She sits up, staring at him. The night cloaks her in gray, drapes her in shadows. "I don't know any more than what I already told you. He _briefly_ mentioned Prana. That's it. Now can I go to sleep?"

Kylo leans his face against the cold metal, feeling tears trickling down his face.

For so many years, he didn't cry. He told himself he couldn't, he wouldn't, not after killing Luke's padawans.

And Father called out to him, and as much as Kylo warred inside between the Dark and the Light, the pull to return him and the terror at what that might mean, he saw another war in Han Solo's eyes: hope, and fear. Not of his son, but _for_ his son.

And Ben cried on that bridge, and Kylo can't chase the tears away.

 _Focus on pain. On anger._ "Did he double-cross Prana?" Kylo sneers. Or tries to sneer.

Rey sighs. "No. Some death gang. Actually two. But not Prana as far as I know."

"I should have guessed."

"Why do you hate him so much?" Rey demands. "He loved you."

 _Because I spent twenty years telling myself he didn't love me. And then, when it was too late, I found out he did._ "He was disappointed in me. A lot."

"I can't imagine why."

"No—before. Long before. He didn't understand the Force, and he didn't want to—he didn't _try_ to understand. He and Mother—Leia Organa—they didn't like me. They sent me away." _He gave up on me._

"Well, killing him didn't really fix that problem."

"They sent me away because they thought I was too much like my grandfather," Kylo confesses. "I overheard them. Father said I had 'too much Vader' in me. And then Snoke—he told me that was a good thing. He showed me the power of the Dark Side. He showed me that what was in me was _good_ , not bad."

"Killing your father is _good?"_ Rey's voice rises.

Kylo doesn't answer. Because it wasn't, it wasn't good, it didn't make him stronger, it didn't help him because he's _weak_.

Or because he loves his father.

I want him back. In that moment, Kylo would give anything to go back in time and undo what he's done. But he can't. _I shouldn't want to._

"You've seen the power of the Force, Rey," he says. "Through Luke. Through yourself. You can't live without it, can you? Now that you know you have it?"

"If using the Force means turning to the Dark," Rey says slowly. "If it means hurting people, yes, I could live without it. I'd rather feel compassion. I'd rather love my friends."

"You're just like Luke," Kylo muses, but he feels no frustration when he says it, only longing. "You're so—so Light."

"There's Darkness inside me, too. Inside everyone." Rey starts to laugh. "I feel it most often when I'm near you and you're at my mercy."

Kylo grins despite himself. "Is that why you didn't kill me on the Starkiller Base? You didn't want to give in to the Dark Side?"

Rey gets to her knees. "Yes, exactly."

He envies her. She can choose, and be content with her choice. Kylo tried to choose the Dark Side so many times over, and the Light keeps worming its way in, and now—now he's not even sure he wants to stop it.

"I miss him." The truth comes out before Kylo can second-guess himself.

"Your father?"

He nods, heart thumping. Will she think it's another ploy? Will she be disgusted?

Rey crawls over to him, puts her hand on his face. He shudders, because for the first time since Han Solo fell, someone else is touching him not to heal him so he can be used more, but because they care. And something cracks inside.

"I want to go back, Rey, but I don't know how. I've done too much." _It's too late._ It wasn't then, but surely now it is.

"Follow the light," she suggests.

" _How?"_ He's begging her. She can look into his brain if she wants, he doesn't care.

But she doesn't. One eyebrow rises. "You need a teacher."

* * *

"Be on the lookout for anything that looks like it could be used to fix the ship we're holed up in," Rey mutters to Kylo.

"What parts do we need?"

She rattles off a list as they board a small transporter.

"Don't forget," growls the silver man who, despite his obvious distaste for her, Rey finds infinitely more preferable than Unkar Plutt. "If you aren't back before sundown, _with useful parts_ , you'll find yourself dissolving in a sarlacc."

"We'll be back," Rey promises, gliding off.

"My parents once faced a sarlacc!" Kylo shouts to be heard over the wind.

"Really?"

Amusement peppers Kylo's voice. "Yeah. Father would pretend to be one, and terrify me until Chewie stepped in."

 _And you still doubt he loved you?_ Rey thinks. She shakes off the thought.

When they arrive on the wreckage site, Rey grabs a rappelling line and slings it over her shoulder. "Get the bags," she orders Kylo.

He trudges along behind her. The temptation to push into his mind is strong, but Rey resists it. She needs to trust him, or try and trust him, at least until he gives her another reason not to.

 _You need a teacher._

Rey has no idea how to teach him the Light Side except by showing compassion. Scavenging, on the other hand, she's more adept to teach.

After hours of rappelling down the inside of a Star Destroyer, the air just as hot as Jakku but sticky instead of dry, Rey wonders where she'll get the energy to try and fix the ship they're staying in.

"You feeling okay?" Kylo rappels down next to her.

"Yeah. Just… tired." If exhaustion, combined with the smallest of coughs, is the only lingering symptom of her illness, she'll take it without complaints.

"Were you really sick?" Kylo asks. "Or did you trick me?"

Rey rifles through her bag, grabbing her canteen. "I tricked you the last day. Thanks for the medicine, by the way." She screws the cover back on and pushes off.

"The First Order is probably looking for us," he calls down to her.

"How long until they find this place?"

"Seven days until they wonder where we are. Maybe another twenty until they find us. More if we're lucky."

"So," Rey says, pausing as he lowers himself to her level. "We'd better be gone by then."

He nods.

"You still want to leave with me?"

He nods again, but his eyes skitter away from her.

 _I'm being torn apart._

 _Maybe,_ Rey thinks. _He actually is._

She doesn't feel any desire to see him tear himself asunder anymore. If anything, she wants the rift inside of him to heal. "Can I call you Ben?" she asks.

"What?"

"Instead of Kylo Ren."

He swallows. "Snoke… forbid anyone from using that name."

" _Forbid?"_ she echoes. _Really?_

He nods. "He said Ben was dead."

If Ben is dead, his ghost still lingers, of that Rey is certain. More likely, she suspects he's alive and starting toe scape the prison Kylo Ren's locked him in.

"If you want to. You can use it," he says.

 _If it'll piss Snoke off…_ "I do. _Ben_." She slides about a hundred feet to the ground. "You were named for my grandfather!" she calls back up.

"I'm aware!"

"Are you?"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading/riding along on the Kylo and Rey angst train! I promise plot will happen soon. Very soon.**


	6. Chapter 5

"Didn't you ever fix ships with your father?" Rey grunts as she tries to wrench a melted part off of the compressor.

"I mostly used the Force and annoyed him. He thought I was showing off."

Rey rests back on her heels.

"Maybe I was, a little bit."

Rey swipes sweat off her brow, continuing to study Ben. _You wanted his approval anyways, didn't you?_ "If you're not able to help me," she says, nodding to the gruel they'd been given. "Make dinner."

"Okay." He gets up.

"When did you find out who my grandfather was?" Rey calls, curiosity getting the best of her as she works.

He leaves without answering her.

 _Fine_. Rey scowls.

He returns with two steaming bowls of mush. Rey gives up on the compressor for the moment.

He leans against the wall. "Is this what you ate on Jakku?"

Rey wrinkles her nose. "No. Believe it or not, the food on Jakku was more appetizing." She doesn't care, though. It's food, and her stomach rumbles for it.

"I knew you were Obi-Wan's granddaughter when a lieutenant told me that the droid and the stormtrooper had escaped with a girl from Jakku."

The food stalls in Rey's mouth. "What? How?"

He swallows, looking into his own bowl. "Somehow, I knew. I didn't know for sure until later, when the lightsaber answered to you, and Snoke told me."

"That's not what I'm asking. How did—how did you know—you knew I was on Jakku!"

Ben pushes his hair back. "How much do you remember?"

"Remember _what?"_ She shakes her head. " _Nothing_. I remember nothing, Ben, aside from someone flying away in a ship and leaving me with Unkar Plutt!"

"Has Luke told you anything?" he ventures.

"That you killed all the padawans at the academy. And that I was the only survivor."

"But you don't remember it."

"No."

He looks at his hands. "I'm glad." He takes a deep breath. "Snoke told me that the Jedi—if a new Jedi order was allowed to grow, it would ruin everything. It would ensure chaos, undo the little bits of order brewing in the galaxy. He told me it was time to make my choice. And that, if I was willing to join, the Knights of Ren would have me."

"So you didn't plan it."

"I didn't try to stop it, either."

 _True._

Ben presses his hand against his side and winces. "I didn't know. Until they were there. I thought there was always one more minute—one more chance—to tell. I didn't know what I was going to choose. I wanted to make Snoke happy, and when the Knights arrived, they patted me on the back—they talked to me like I was already a brother. The padawans never did that. They treated me like a pariah, whispered about my family. And so I—I helped. Luke was gone that night."

"And me?" Rey whispers. She can't remember what happened, but another memory—the vision she had in Maz Kanata's palace—fills her mind. Rain. Lightsabers crackling. The dead, lying all around her.

Ben meets her gaze. She sees anguish in his eyes, darkness, fear, but also shame. She doesn't need to push inside his mind. He's giving all of it to her, showing her.

"You were on the ground, in the mud—there was thunder, and everyone was—gone. And you had been playing dead. You whimpered, and I realized you were alive—and I knew you, Rey, because you were so kind, even then. Feisty, but kind. Another knight noticed you, too, so I killed him." Ben's voice is barely a whisper, but it echoes in Rey's mind. "I heard later that Luke found you and sent you somewhere in the Western Reaches. I should have known when I found Lor San Tekka that night… he must have been watching you."

"Who?" Rey asks.

"An old friend of my mother's."

 _He killed him, too,_ Rey realizes. "So if I hadn't played dead," she says, voice shaking. "You would have killed me, too."

"I didn't kill the padawans. Not one. I didn't start killing people I knew until—later. But I didn't stop it."

She's not letting him off the hook. "So, you killed them."

"I killed them," he whispers. Eyes swimming, he looks to Rey again. "Do you hate me?"

She wants to laugh at his question. But she can't, because even though so much of her screams that she should hate him, she knows it's the darkness. And the regret—she hears it, and the fear. Regret excuses nothing, but it might be a ladder to the Light. "I wish I did," she admits.

He frowns. "I don't understand."

" _I don't hate you."_

"No, that part I get—it's just, _why?_ Why not? I killed my father in front of you. I kidnapped you. I tell you now I could have let you been murdered as a _child_ , an innocent child, and still you don't hate me?"

Now, she proves his mind and she feels his loneliness, the loneliness and fear of a child and a man, his anxiety, his terror and reverent worship of the Dark Side, and his draw to the Light because he wants _so desperately to_ _hope_ , to heal. And he lets her in.

There's something else, an image. Orange, and small.

"My doll," she says suddenly, breaking away from him. "You had my doll!"

"I made it for you."

Rey swallows. "I always thought it was from my mother."

He shakes his head. "When you arrived at Luke's academy, you cried because you missed a doll you had back home. And you idolized Luke, but he was gone a lot, and he had us older padawans training you. So, I made you Luke as a doll."

Rey stares at him, perceiving no deception, and she laughs.

* * *

"Four more days," Rey says to Ben as they haul their findings towards Prana's goons. They've been scavenging for weeks. "I'm sure it'll be fixed by then."

"I hope so, because if the First Order finds us first…" The past few weeks, he's felt more like Ben. He doesn't want to be swayed into becoming Kylo Ren again. But what if he can't resist it?

 _You're so weak._

But she's not, and she's helping him because, inexplicably, she cares.

The man who with the silver skin picks apart what they've brought. Concealed inside Rey's robes are several more parts that they need to repair the ship.

"You don't need to search me," Rey tells him sweetly.

"We don't need to search her," the man announces. "Here is—"

A face Ben's never seen but prayed to often appears, off towards the edge of the swamp. Dressed in Jedi robes, a young Darth Vader stares at his grandson.

"Grandfather?" Ben steps towards the apparition.

"Who's he talking to?" snarls the metal man.

Anakin Skywalker slips back among the trees. Ben runs towards it.

"Come back here!"

"Ben!"

"Get him!"

" _Ben!"_

He trips over a tree root, chin slamming into the ground. He spits out blood and cranes his neck. "Grandfather?"

The man he's always wanted to see, the man he's spent so many years trying to emulate, rises before him. _Does he want me to turn back to the Dark Side?_ Trepidation bites at his fingers.

"Ben Solo," whispers his grandfather. He looks young, and whole. With this face, there's no need for a mask.

Ben tries to think of what to say. His mind feels strangely blank, as if his thoughts have been tied up.

"These are your first steps," the man says. _Not Darth Vader. Anakin Skywalker._

Horror grips Ben, squeezing him tighter than that serpent. _Sentiment_ ruined what Darth Vader spent his whole life fighting for, Snoke had told him.

But now, looking into his grandfather's actual face, Ben knows it saved him. His stomach twists and his muscles coil as shame threatens to split him apart.

Anakin reaches out, hand hovering over his cheekbone. _Just like Father._

"Where have you been?" Ben manages to eke out.

"I've always been here," Anakin replies, and, as the Light engulfs him and Anakin vanishes, Ben understands.

Hands grab him, hauling him up. A fist lands in his stomach. Fingers tear at his hair and boots kick at his knees as Ben is dragged out of the swamp, past Rey, who wears a look of absolute horror.

"Into the sarlacc pit for you," rasps the silver man.

 _No._ A cold, slimy sensation slips over him. _Not when I'm so close._ Not after Grandfather finally woke him up and he feels alive and like there's a new hope.

"Please don't!" Rey cries.

"A sarlacc pit? Truly?" King Prana's voice, disdainful and cruel, fills the air. A low hiss sounds, and Ben sees another serpent, just as green and thick as the one in the forest, lick its lips.

"He tried to run away," insists the silver man.

"They are the best scavengers we've had in years. Do you know how much profit they're bringing me?"

"I can't do it without him," Rey confirms.

"I might be able to buy more rathtars, after Han Solo failed me!" hisses King Prana. The serpent rises.

 _Father._ Ben's heart constricts.

"But he tried to escape!"

"No!" Ben protests. "I saw—I saw something—"

King Prana cackles. "He might be crazy, but he does good work." He waves a hand, and the serpent slips back to the floor. "Thirty lashes."

* * *

"Luke."

Finn screams as the shadow of an old man appears on the edge of a cliff. Poe jumps too, grabbing Finn's shoulders. BB-8 ducks behind Chewie, who snorts at the ghost.

"Obi-Wan!" Luke rises, relief evident. "Have you—where is she?"

"In the hands of King Prana. No doubt planning an escape." A smile crosses Kenobi's face.

"That's three days away," Poe breathes.

" _Prana?_ That maniac who wanted the rathtars?" Finn gasps.

"The what who wanted the _what_?"

"When we met up with Han Solo. I've told you the story."

"Oh. Right."

"One and the same," confirms Obi-Wan. "And if you want to get her, I suggest you head out now. The First Order is about four days from reaching her."

"Anakin?" Luke inquires.

"He checks in with me as rarely as he did when we were alive."

"Oh hell no," Finn says. "Did you hear that, Poe? You've gotta be kidding me? _Darth Vader_ is a ghost?"

" _Anakin Skywalker_ is a ghost," Luke corrects him.

Poe's really not too sure of the difference. As Obi-Wan vanishes before his eyes, he turns to Chewie. "We taking the _Falcon?"_

Chewie roars and nods.

"One of you needs to radio Leia," Luke calls.

"I nominate Poe!" Finn says.

Poe glares at him.

Finn shrugs. "She likes you the most."

On board the _Millennium Falcon,_ Finn hears Poe griping to Chewie as he readies the radio. Luke paces the ship, hand running along the bunk, the hologame table, the padded bench. His eyes look more haunted than the planet they're leaving below.

"Lots of memories here?" Finn asks. "From the Rebellion?"

Luke smiles and takes a seat, gesturing for Finn to do the same. "You might say that."

"The first time I was on this ship, the motivator went, and Rey had to fix it." He'd been free from his stormtrooper duties less than a day. He thought Poe was dead. And he met Han Solo that day.

"It's an old ship, but a faithful one," Luke remarks.

"You miss Han?" Finn inquires. "I'm sorry—I just—he helped Rey, and me. He believed we could rescue Rey from the Starkiller when everyone else had given up on her."

Luke peers at him. "Do you love her?"

"Rey? Of course. But…" Finn's mind turns. "Not like—not like in the way Han loved your sister."

"Really?" Luke leans forward, resting his chin on his knee.

Something prickles in his stomach. Finn shakes his head.

"Before he found out Leia and I were twins, Han thought Leia might be in love with me," Luke says, voice mysterious as if he's trying to send Finn a message. Whatever it is, Finn's not getting it.

"But she told him."

"After the Battle of Endor." Luke smiles. "She and Han used to go back each year, bringing Ben with them—it was only a few months after Endor when she announced she was pregnant. Right here in this room, she told me. Chewie slapped Han on the back so hard I thought he'd paralyzed him."

 _Why_ did Luke have to bring his sordid nephew up? "Pregnant with a monster," Finn spits.

"Ben wasn't like he is now. Not when he was born. Or for most of his childhood, really. He was sweet, sensitive even. Insecure, though, especially as he got older. He loved his father."

"Well, clearly that changed." Finn's voice is hard, unyielding. He can't think of Kylo Ren as Ben.

 _Your son is dead._

Finn agrees.

"Maybe. But all of us—we're all capable of doing insanely cruel things to people we love."

Finn can't help himself. "Even Darth Vader wasn't capable of killing you. Or letting the Emperor kill you. Kylo Ren… he crossed that line. He killed him. I saw it all. He _pounced_ on Han's mercy."

"Yoda told me once that if I started down the Dark Side, forever would it dominate my destiny." Luke flicks the hologame table on and stares at the hollow figurines. "It didn't dominate my father's, though. It doesn't have to dominate Ben's."

Finn fights the rage flickering within him, burning him. "Don't you think it'd be a little hard to come back from slaughtering his own father?"

Luke pauses. "It might be harder. No, I _know_ it'll be harder. But with each action, he makes a choice. Someday, maybe, he'll see the right one."

"If Rey is with King Prana… what happened to Kylo Ren?" Finn asks. "Couldn't he be dead?"

"The Force would have told me." Luke smiles. Finn cannot relate. "And as long as he's alive, there's hope."


	7. Chapter 6

**So, I am actually (quite a bit) farther ahead in writing this story than in posting, and I uploaded the wrong chapter. Actually. :O I kind of can't believe I did that, but I'm so sorry-but hey, now you get two chapters today!**

* * *

"But I saw him." Ben gasps as if fighting a cry of pain as Rey spreads more ointment on his back.

"Well, if you did, that doesn't really help my opinion of your grandfather. I don't like him very much." Red gashes, some still beading blood droplets, crisscross Ben's back in a sickening sort of pattern.

"I really thought they were going to kill you," she admits, voice catching.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "Will you still—will we still be able to leave?"

"I hope so." Rey dabs more of the cloudy salve onto his wounds. "I'm sorry, I didn't have enough to buy bandages. The lady said that this ointment would prevent infection, though." She screws the cap back on. "Also, there's no dinner tonight. I traded our gruel for the medicine."

As she gets up, Ben's hand grasps her wrists. He pulls himself upright. Rey's eyes linger on the purple scar stretched across his side—from Chewie's bowcaster, no doubt. "But you'll be hungry."

"I've been hungry most of my life."

He looks to the ointment, to her face. "Thank you."

"Thank me by never doing that again, no matter whose ghost you see," she retorts. Something uncomfortable stirs within her—she feels warm, something like excitement is bubbling up, and it's _strange_ and she doesn't want to let these feelings claim her. "You _scared_ me."

Ben's eyes soften, and he bites his lip before asking: "Why?"

Rey doesn't know why she does it. She's certainly never done anything like it before. But she leans in and presses her lips against his—briefly, for the smallest of seconds, before pulling away.

 _What did I just do?_

Ben fumbles for words. "Why—Rey—why did you do that?"

"I wanted to." Beyond that, she doesn't know. This man killed his father. This man stormed through her mind. This man took her, tried to bring her to Snoke…

But she sees the Light reflecting off his face, and it's intoxicating. She leans in again, and this time he kisses her back, his hands clutching her hair and her arms around his neck.

Until her hand falls to his back, and he gasps in pain.

Rey pulls away. He still stares at her as if she's the strangest thing he's ever seen, which can't be true given the events of the day. "Is—is your back okay?" she manages to ask.

He nods. "I'm—so sorry, Rey."

"I kissed _you_."

"No—for—for all of it. I shouldn't have let you."

"You don't have to _let_ me do anything. I kissed you because—because I care about you."

"Weeks ago you hated me."

"I didn't hate you. Well, on the starkiller… yeah, I guess I hated you. But not since then. And I like you now, when you're not consumed with the Dark Side."

Ben's fingers trace his lips. He looks at her like he's never heard someone say that before, and it makes Rey want to kiss him again.

"Don't you see?" she asks. " _This_ —the Light Side—that's where you're supposed to be."

He shakes his head. "I _want_ to believe that, Rey. But there's still—the Dark Side; it's always been there. It's not going to magically vanish because you love me or—"

"You're jumping ahead of yourself there," she snaps. "It was just a kiss."

He raises his eyebrows.

"Fine. Several." Rey exhales. "Did you ever think for a minute, Ben, that maybe the Dark and the Light are meant to coexist inside you, and the only reason it's tearing you apart is because you keep trying to purge yourself of one or the other?"

"You _want_ there to be darkness?"

"I think you should accept that there's going to be Dark, and there's going to be Light, and _choose_ to serve the Light."

"How? Through you?"

She shrugs. "If that's what motivates you, fine."

His voice comes out naked and vulnerable. "What if you're not there?"

She leans in again, and Ben jerks away, wincing.

"I'll go work on the ship," Rey says, getting to her feet. Disappointment tugs at her as her face flushes. _This doesn't make sense. None of this makes sense,_ she argues with herself.

But she feels it nonetheless. "Just so you know," she says as she ducks into the engine hatch. "I've never kissed anyone before."

Ben doesn't respond, and Rey tries to channel her anger into productivity. It's better than letting her tears flow.

* * *

Kylo pretends to be asleep when Rey finally emerges from the hatch. As if he could sleep with the whip marks on his back smarting.

Instead, he replays Rey's kiss again and again. _Why me?_ If she's truly never kissed anyone before, why did she kiss him?

 _She deserves better._

He cares about her. But now that she's kissed him, his mind gallops ahead to more kisses, to more of her—and he can't let that happen. She's supposed to become a Jedi. He won't stand in her way. He can't bring her any more harm. Because all he does is kill and destroy. The academy, his father, so many villages…

 _I won't destroy her future._

Rey needs to become a Jedi. And as for him, if he's to ever find his way back to the Light… he remembers the story of Anakin and Queen Amidala.

In the morning, Rey asks after his back.

"It's fine."

She sighs. "I need to put more ointment on it. If it gets infected, we're stuck."

"I can do it."

"You can reach all over your back? Don't be ridiculous." She places her hand on his shoulder and he settles back down, feels her fingers against his bare skin and the way the ointment burns against the gashes.

"Don't ever kiss me again," he says coldly.

"Fine."

Their scavenging and delivery is ghost-free, and Kylo can tell Rey's relieved. He prepares their nightly gruel while Rey works on the ship.

Of course Han Solo felt like the father she'd never had. She is so much like him, spirited and a talented pilot. _Father must have really cared about her._ Because under Han's gruff exterior, Ben knows his father's heart was soft.

 _For everyone except you,_ Kylo reminds him.

 _Kylo or Snoke?_

 _Are you sure you were an exception?_

 _Will you help me?_

 _Anything._

 _Han's fingers, telling him in his last moments that he loved his son, that he was sincere._

Maybe he had given up on Ben in moments past. But in those last moments,, the ones that counted most, he hadn't.

Kylo hits his side again, slaps his hands against his back, feeling the gashes explode. He can't tolerate this. He kicks a loose rock and sends it slamming into a nearby ship. Half expecting someone to run out and drag him to the sarlacc, he waits, gulping the sticky air.

"Stop hurting yourself," Rey's voice growls from behind him.

He turns back to her. _You're pathetic, Kylo Ren._ "I'm sorry."

"Then don't do it, Ben." She nods at the gruel. "Is it ready?"

"It should be."

"You know," she says as she lifts the bowl to her lips. "Punishing yourself isn't going to help you heal. In any way."

The concern in her hazel eyes… _no, it's not there, except it is there, but I don't deserve it—why, Rey, why?_ "I know. I'm sorry."

They finish in silence. Rey jumps back down the hatch. Within moments, Kylo hears hissing and crunching.

"Rey?"

No response. Steam rises.

"Rey!"

She pops out her head out, grinning. "I did it!"

"What?"

"It's fixed! It's fixed!" She pulls herself out and claps her hands in delight.

Hope sparks. "Are you sure?"

She smirks. "Do you doubt my piloting skills?"

"Not at all. You—"

"We can get out of here! Tomorrow! We'll have to break in and get our lightsabers, of course, but we'll be able to escape! We'll be free! No more King Prana!" Her giddiness is contagious, and Kylo surrenders to it, laughing.

Who cares if that means he'll be heading back to the Resistance base? She'll be with him, he'll be okay—he can escape Snoke there, make this _right_.

"We can actually do this!" Rey exults.

"We can!" he echoes, gasping as she throws her arms around him in joy.

"Oops, sorry," she mumbles, pulling back. "I forgot—your back—"

"It's all right, Rey. You—you did good—I can't believe you fixed—you're amazing—" Ben's thumb brushes against her cheek. She looks up at him, and he's not sure who kisses whom first, but he knows that he's kissing her and she's kissing him and it's all happening with an intensity he never realized existed. He forgets that he ever was Kylo Ren as she breathes his name—" _Ben."_

She pulls away. "I thought you said not to do this again."

"I—" Ben struggles to remember why. Oh, right. "Did Luke ever tell you what happened between my grandfather and my grandmother?"

She nods. "Padmé Amidala. The Senator. And Queen. He loved her."

"And it led him to the Dark Side."

"So… you're afraid I'll lead you to the Dark Side?" Ire constricts her voice.

"No. Not like that. It's just—I've already been to the Dark Side. What if—what if—if Snoke were to ever find out—"

"Ben," Rey says, her arm around his neck. "We're getting out of here. Tomorrow. We're going to D'Qar. We're going to be okay."

She believes it, and Ben believes her. He kisses her again.

"Are _you_ sure?" she finally asks.

"I've changed my mind." And it feels so free, so light.

"Because I fixed a ship?" She's teasing, and it's been so long since someone teased him, spoke to him with that lilt in their voice, eyes twinkling.

"Because you're Rey." _And because I might love you, and I'm afraid of it and I hope for it all at once. And instead of tearing me apart, it's knitting me back together._

She kisses him again, her hands traveling down his chest, under his shirt. Ben freezes.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

He nods.

She fumbles for his hand, pressing it against her chest. Heat surges through him.

"Rey—there's something—I've never—"

"What?" She's so close, her forehead leaning against his, one hand clinging to his hair.

"I've never been with a girl before." Snoke offered opportunities, but Kylo never took him up on any of them. He'd had too much on his mind for such distractions. But Rey isn't a distraction.

"We can figure it out together, then," she suggests, and giggles. "I have no idea what I'm doing either." She pulls him against her. "Don't be afraid."

Ben leans in again, and they're on the floor, and she's slipping off his shirt, mindful of the whip marks, and all he can think and say is how beautiful she is, and in her eyes he sees that she knows he means it, she _trusts_ him, she knows who he is and she loves him anyways.

When they finish, she takes his head in her hands and kisses him on the top of his hair.

 _There's no going back. Not now. Not with Rey._

 _Kylo Ren is dead._

"I love you," he whispers.

She presses into his mind, and it doesn't hurt. Peace like he's always craved floods through his soul, and he hears her answer: _I know._

* * *

"What is so important?" rants the silver man. "You two are trying my—"

"You'll forget this ever happened," Rey tells him placidly. "But you will first tell us where we can find the lightsabers you stole from us."

"I gave them to King Prana. I don't know what he did with them," the silver man replies with disconcerting ease.

"You will take us to King Prana immediately," Rey says, glancing at Ben, who nods.

Her cheeks warm as she remembers last night. She never thought she would meet someone, fall for them, and certainly if she had thought it would happen, she never would have imagined Ben. But he loves her, and she loves him.

He's so much more than just the Dark, and she prays he continues to believe it.

"I will take you to King Prana."

 _Are you ready for this?_ His voice, in her mind. Gentle, unassuming.

 _Are you?_ she taunts.

 _I still have years of training on you._

 _Then it's good to know you've got my back._

"The scavengers?" King Prana marches towards them, glowering at the silver man, who keeps staring back at them as if he doesn't remember why he's done what he's done. "I tire of your shenanigans—"

"You will tell us where you stored our lightsabers."

"I will not."

"You will tell us where you stored out lightsabers," Rey repeats, more forcefully this time. She sees Ben's hand twitch. _If this doesn't work, look into his mind,_ she tells him.

 _One more time,_ he insists. _Please, Rey. I don't want to…_

"You will tell us where you stored our lightsabers."

Prana's face melts from fury to placid acceptance. "I keep them on me."

"You will give them to us," Rey says. "And you will order your men not to fire at us when we leave here."

"I will order my men not to fire at you." Prana digs into his robes, bringing out the two metal hilts and handing them over. Rey tosses Ben's to him.

"Let's go." She grabs his arm as they walk back towards the ship. It takes every ounce of self-control not to break into a run.

"Hey!" a voice shouts behind them. "Where are they going? Why'd you give them back their swords?"

"You are not to fire on them," comes Prana's voice.

"But—that—"

Rey sneaks a peek over her shoulder. _The Twi'leks._ "Shit."

" _Stop them!"_

Blaster shots echo through the air.

" _Now run!"_ Rey shrieks. A sickening crack echoes behind them.

"Don't look back!" Ben shouts.

Howls and snarls echo behind her. Rey doesn't even want to know what pet of Prana's has escaped.

* * *

"Here we go!" Poe lowers the _Millennium Falcon_ to the swampy surface. Chewie bellows in disgust as sludge spews over the windshield.

"Hey BB-8," says Finn. "Can you clean that while we're gone?"

The droid bleeps and turns to Poe.

"Sorry buddy. But we're gonna need to see. And you've got tethers."

BB-8 rolls away in disgust.

Luke clutches at the ramp as they climb off.

"Humidity too much for you?" Finn tries to joke. Poe smiles. Luke doesn't.

"No. I just—I feel something in the Force."

Finn freezes. "Something like—bad? Like Rey's—hurt, or— _hurt_ —bad?"

"No. Nothing like that. Something else entirely." Luke shakes his head, muttering to himself about the temple and how he'll have to ask Obi-Wan…

"Well, we've got a mission to complete," Poe announces. "And we've all got to survive it. You too, R2. Blasters ready?"

Chewie cocks his in response.

"Good."

A scream echoes from the field of fighter jets, X-Wings, and other ships. Many of which appear to be hollowed, blackened shells. _What happened here?_ Finn wonders. _A fire?_

A Twi'lek rushes past, almost tripping over its absurdly long tentacles.

"What the hell is going on?" Poe hollers.

"The beasts! They're out! The scavengers broke them out!" he squeaks.

" _Rey!"_ Finn shouts. "It's got to be her! Poe, Luke, Chewie—"

A ferocious yowl echoes through the hanger. R2 wheels behind Chewie, who looks about as disconcerted as Finn's ever seen the Wookiee.

"What was that?" Poe wonders.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Luke says grimly.

"Well, while you all debate, I'm going to find Rey!" Finn races forward, skittering to a stop as a giant, cat-like creature with fangs lets out a snarl.

The nexu leaps past Finn, bounding over a blackened hull and pouncing on a glinting man who looks like he's made of silver, tearing him in two. Blood smeared across its jaws, the beast turns around, locking its gaze on Finn.

A blaster shoots in front of him as Poe grabs Finn by the shoulders, dragging him around the other side of a ship.

"Luke—Chewie—" He can't find them. Can't see them. All he hears are screams and roars and the sickening crunch of metal. The air boils in the sun's rays.

And saliva drips down on them.

" _Poe!"_ Finn screams, grabbing his friend and running, shooting his blaster. The nexu's claws fly out, catching Poe and throwing him against another ship—a functional one. Or, at least it was functional, until the nexu crushes it and throws it in the air, growling as it leers over Poe.

"Don't touch him!" Finn fires shot after shot, hitting the creature in its shoulders. It shrieks, a sound so shrill Finn fears his ears will bleed.

And, inexplicably, the nexu leaps away from Poe, chasing after some other unfortunate soul.

"Poe!" Finn drops to his knees. His friend's face is smeared with blood, and his leg sticks out at an odd angle. "C'mon. We've gotta move." Clutching Poe's arm, he slings him over his shoulder, struggling to his feet.

"Finn! Poe!" Luke charges towards them. "It seems the Force works on that beast. Chewie?"

Chewie grabs Poe, who grimaces in pain.

"Finn?" Poe asks.

But Finn's eyes are glued to a small figure, draped in beige robes and clutching a familiar glowing blue stick, fleeing from the very same nexu.

Hundreds of meters away.

" _Rey!"_ he screams, but the nexu's howl drowns out his cry.

She's at the edge of another ship, a soot-covered silver one, when she ducks to avoid the beast's claws. As she tumbles to the ground, her lightsaber flies out of her hand.

The nexu rears up on its legs, screeching in pain as it turns and charges frenetically in another direction.

And a tall figure, head coated in thick black hair, reaches down to grasp Rey's lightsaber, to take _Rey_. Kylo Ren hauls her in the ship by her waist, red lightsaber blazing, and Finn's screaming like he did on Takodana, chasing, hoping even though that voice, the voice that haunts him, General Hux's voice— _not_ general _, just Hux, he's not your general_ —whispers "futile."

The ship powers up, soaring into the sky.

" _REY!"_

Finn turns to Luke, who looks as if someone's punched him in the stomach.


	8. Chapter 7

"That was so close!" Rey pants as they fly towards the stars. "I thought that thing was going to eat me. Did you use the Force?"

Ben nods, handing her back her lightsaber.

"Keep it for now. I'm going to concentrate on getting us as far away as possible. Although I doubt they have it together enough to send a starfighter after us."

Ben glances at the lightsaber, a smile on his face. He kneels and tucks it into Rey's waistband.

She leans over, kissing him on the mouth.

"Are we headed to D'Qar?" he asks. The ship is too small to have a copilot's seat, so he stands behind her, hands resting on her shoulders.

"Eventually."

"Eventually? Are—are we heading back to Stewjon? Because, Rey, I have to tell you that the First Order—"

"No. I'm not quite that dumb, Ben."

"You're _smart,"_ he says, as if her joke were distasteful.

She smirks. "I want to go to Jakku. Just briefly. I need to—there are some things I need to take care of there. I mean, I know now that my future isn't there." _Maz was right._

 _They're never coming back, but there's another who still could_.

"But I still—I want to settle something."

"Okay," he agrees, because he, too, knows ghosts.

* * *

"He took her," Luke confesses to Leia. "Again."

"Where are you?"

"In the air. Chewie's been piloting—we looked everywhere, Leia, but we can't find whatever ship they're in." Luke's voice lowers. "Leia, I don't know what to do. This isn't—the Force—it's not leading me. This time, it's not leading me. It's contradicting everything, there's been a shift and I can't make sense of it, and I _don't know what to do."_

"The last time you said that," Leia says, her voice ragged. "Is when Ben—"

"I can't bear losing another student," Luke admits. He sounds frailer than his sister, Finn realizes.

"What are you going to do?" Leia demands. "Luke, you can't k—"

"I would never, Leia! He may still find his way home. And as for what we're doing now—"

"We'll keep searching," Finn cuts in.

"Really?" Luke whirls around to face him. "Your _friend_ has a broken leg and a concussion too, most likely. If we continue—"

"We'll go back to D'Qar first," Finn interjects. Shamed, he glances at Chewie, who huffs.

Am I _a bad friend to Poe?_

Finn stares at his hands. _You killed your fellow stormtroopers days after leaving them. The_ same day _you left. The same people you might've called_ friends. _Some you did call friends._

Anxiety climbs up Finn's throat as he tries to swallow it away. He hears Hux's voice, smooth and controlled and powerful, the way it was in all those rallies he'd attended, lined up with his arms at his sides, indistinguishable from the men and women next to him, all those videos he'd been forced to watch…

 _I'm not like them._

 _Why? Because you made a different choice?_

 _Yes,_ Finn thinks. _Exactly._

But he can't escape the fear burrowing inside him. What if he can never exorcise the callousness of the First Order?

BB-8 purrs from below him, looking up at him as if in concern.

"Does Poe need to see me?"

BB-8 blips a response. Not that Finn understands it. Or that it matters. He heads back towards the bunk where Poe lies, face contorted as he concentrates on not moving his leg in the slightest.

"How're you doing, buddy?" Poe greets him.

"Me?" Finn says incredulously. "How're _you_ doing?"

"Um, well, I feel like a nexu broke my leg." Poe scowls. "I'm sorry about Rey, Finn. If it weren't for me—"

"What? No! Poe, don't talk like that. It's not your fault. I was about to become lunch when you shot at it." Finn laughs nervously, awkwardly, because he doesn't know what else to do.

Poe smiles, sweat glistening on his brow.

"How much pain are you in?"

Poe closes his eyes. "I'm really sorry."

"Stop doing that!" Finn shouts as he notices goosebumps on Poe's arms. "You cold?"

Poe doesn't respond."

"Poe! _Are you cold?"_

"I'll be fine."

"That is not—" Exasperated, Finn tugs his arms out of his jacket, placing the familiar leather over Poe. His friend's eyes fly open in surprise. "Here. You can borrow it. Don't think I'm giving it back to you," he adds, keeping his tone threatening and yet light, because if he lets his voice shake that won't help anyone.

"Sure thing, buddy."

BB-8 whirs.

"What?" Poe asks crankily.

The droid leans its head against the bunk, near Poe's head.

"I'm glad I'm okay too, BB-8."

* * *

The ship coasts onto the sands of Jakku. Rey's stomach tightens. She's ravenous, and the gruel they'd kept from that morning won't do much to sate her. It's fitting, then, that they're on Jakku. Hunger and Jakku always go together.

"What are you thinking?" Ben asks her.

"That the last time I was here, Finn and BB-8 and I were running from the First Order's bombs. I was so mad at him for getting me involved." _Where are you, Finn?_ she wonders. _Are you okay?_

"I remember when a lieutenant told me a girl helped the droid escape," Ben says. "I… wasn't happy."

Rey turns to him and decides not to ask what "wasn't happy" might have mean. She smirks. "Did you know it was me?"

"Yes, though it doesn't make sense. I just knew."

She presses her forehead against his face. "Ben, when you told me I needed a teacher—why did you offer? It doesn't make sense."

Ben glances away from her. "I was lonely. I wanted—I wanted someone to journey with, I suppose."

"Isn't the Dark Side all about severing those attachments?"

His eyebrows rise. "Maybe."

 _Even in your darkest moments, the Light was there._ Rey glances out the windshield, at the ocean of sand she'd floated adrift in for so many years and yet called home. Night shrouds the dunes, making them look like swooping, towering mountains. "We should head out in the morning."

"Okay."

"We should eat."

"Okay." He's still looking at her, like she's something special to him, someone who _matters_.

Rey wraps her arms around him, lips sinking into his. _Food can wait._ Last night was a new experience for her, the most vulnerable she's ever been—with _anyone_ —and she knows it was the same for him. Both of them survived by refusing to be vulnerable. And now, Rey fully trusts him, and she doesn't even feel afraid. The nagging voice telling her to always rely on herself, only herself, vanishes.

She lifts his shirt off, feels that he's still nervous even after last night, and asks if he's okay.

"Yes," he breathes, one hand against her face, one hand moving down her robes.

Rey leans over and kisses the scar she knows comes from Chewie's bowcaster. _I love you, Ben._

* * *

"If we have no more information to give the Supreme Leader," Hux snarls. "He won't be very happy with us!"

The understatement rattles Hux. He's never felt this disheveled, this inept in his entire life. And of course it would all be because of Kylo Ren. _Damn him_. What was the Supreme Leader thinking to send such a reckless man on such an important mission by himself? Hux could have kept him in line.

Ren clearly does not believe in the same principles Hux does. Hux sneers as he wonders whether Ren believes in any principles at all, save that mask he worships in his room. _He's always been after his own interests rather than the interests of the First Order._

And what even was the point of this mission? Getting back that stupid girl? What was the Supreme Leader thinking?

Hux clenches his fists. The Supreme Leader always seems to indulge Ren his fantasies of greatness and his personal side interests. Something about the Force. Hux has seen Ren's powers, of course. He can't doubt them. But how powerful can Ren even be if Hux had to pry him off the frozen ground, bleeding and gasping for breath?

"Sir! Sir! We've made contact with King Prana's men and they said two scavengers fled their planet today after freeing—"

"Two scavengers?" Hux has no time for this. "Who is the second one?"

"Nehel says it was a girl— _that_ girl. And from the way the locals have described him, the man is Kylo Ren."

"So they should be coming _back_."

Lieutenant Mitaka glances at his shoes, breathing hard. Hux's pride swells. _See? I don't need to throw temper tantrums to command respect!_

"Well—all of our contacts have been monitoring the system, and we haven't seen any evidence of that."

Rage and something else—pleasure—erupt. " _What_ are you _saying_?"

"Nothing, sir," stammers Mitaka. "They could be—"

Hux waves his arm and storms out of the command room. He will speak to Snoke himself. If his suspicions are correct… A smile twists his lips. Ren will be finished.

And finally, maybe, without Ren in the way, Snoke will begin to appreciate just how valuable Hux is.

* * *

Chewie carries Poe down the ramp, Poe scowling and making all sorts of disgusted faces at Finn over the Wookiee's shoulder.

"Poe, you got injured during a mission. This should be a moment of pride," Luke says.

"I want to walk," Poe grumbles.

Angry, BB-8 bleeps something that shuts Poe up.

Finn heads down the ramp as General Organa stops fussing over Poe and marches up it herself to slap her brother across the face.

"Nice to see you too, Leia," gasps Luke, clutching his cheek.

She embraces him. "Don't you ever leave again. The Resistance needs you. The galaxy needs you."

"I'm so sorry," Luke says softly.

"What even was so important about the temple?" Leia demands.

Luke grins. "I learned a lot of wisdom from a lot of ghosts."

Leia's face flushes scarlet. "So you abandoned the _living_ for the _dead?"_

"We'll talk later," Luke says, noticing Finn. Finn immediately brushes imaginary dust off his jacket as Leia storms away.

"Well, I never—Master Luke! It is so good to see you!" gushes C-3PO, tottering past Finn towards his former master, if Finn remembers correctly.

"Is it true, kid?" asks Admiral Ackbar, clapping a hand on Finn's shoulder. "Did he get away with the latest apprentice?"

Finn nods. "Rey."

"It's time we thought about taking more serious measures," Ackbar says. "He may be her son, but he's a monster now."

* * *

Rey hikes across the sands, Ben by her side. She's forgotten how brutal the sun feels on Jakku, the way it broils her skin and sucks the moisture from her eyes. When they pass an all too familiar downed AT-AT, Rey gestures to it. "That's where I lived."

"Do you want to stop?" Ben asks.

She shakes her head.

When they arrive at Niima Outpost, Rey smiles. "This is where Finn and I met. BB-8 told me he'd stolen Poe's jacket. I knocked him to the ground with my staff." Which she wishes she had with her.

 _You have a lightsaber,_ she reminds herself. _It's a better weapon. Infinitely._

"Did you make the staff yourself?" Ben questions.

She nods, and he gazes at her in awe.

"I made _everything_ myself. No one else was going to help me."

" _Rey!"_ a voice snarls.

Unkar Plutt, now armless and still as hideous as ever, totters towards her. "This is the girl who stole my ship!" Spittle flies from his lips.

Ben ignites his lightsaber. Unkar Plutt freezes.

"I have questions for _you_ , this time," Rey informs him.

Plutt's eyes run up and down her body. "I'm not answering any—"

"Yes," Ben snaps, the lightsaber sizzling inches away from Plutt's skin. "You are."

"Who the blazes are you?" Plutt grunts.

"No one," Rey interjects. "Except someone who happens to be very skilled with the Force."

"That mumbo-jumbo?" he scoffs.

"At my word he'll dig into your mind. It hurts, I assure you." Ben glances at her in alarm. _It's a bluff,_ she tells him.

 _Oh._ She feels him relax as he raises his free hand, cupping it ominously.

"What do you want to know?" Plutt wheezes, glaring at Rey as if he'd like to see her drowning in the quicksands.

"Let's go. Over here," Rey says, beckoning to a deserted tent, flapping in the wind.

"What do you _want_?" Plutt spits out the moment the three of them disappear inside.

"When Luke left me here with you—"

"I didn't know his name; he was just a man who told me to make sure you survived or else." Plutt scowls.

"Did he mention anything else?" Rey demands. "I'm not a scared little girl begging you for any information on my family any more, Plutt. _I want answers. Now."_

"You knew there was someone else looking after her, didn't you?" Ben prompts when Plutt hesitates, chins bobbling.

"An old man. I never knew his name either," Plutt snaps. "He disappeared the same time you did."

Ben looks at the sands, anguish riddling his features. The lightsaber still hovers close to Plutt's face.

"What else?" Rey prompts.

"I gave him reports on you. Every month. He said it was for someone important."

"Luke," Ben says.

"No. Not Luke. Luke would have mentioned that," Rey says, heart racing. "It was my mother, wasn't it?"

"How would I know, girl? The old man paid me, I gave him reports—for _years_."

"Fine." Rey backs away. The tent flap flutters, sending dust at her. The grit sticks to her skin. "You will leave us alone for—for however long we're here."

"I will leave you alone for however long you're here."

"When did my mother die?" Rey asks Ben as she marches away.

"I don't know. If the First Order was involved, I wasn't." Ben swallows. "The old man—he means Lor San Tekka. I killed him, Rey. I'm so sorry."

She sighs, looking out at the sand. The sun shimmers against it, setting off a glare that hurts her eyes. "I just wish I knew something about her. _Anything_."

"I'm so sorry."

She takes his hand. "I know."

"If she was Force sensitive, even if she was untrained… like my mother," Ben says slowly. "It's possible Snoke tracked her down."

 _Snoke_.

 _He's been trying to track me from birth, too,_ she realizes. _Luke saved me._

 _Just like he tracked Ben._

"Why does he want Force users so badly, if he can use it himself?" Rey asks, trying to control herself. _Breathe. Don't move. Not one muscle._

"He kept a lot from me," Ben admits. "With me, he said I was special because I came from the Dark, and the Light."

"He would have thought the same of me," Rey says.

Ben nods as comprehension dawns on him.

"He's such a _monster_ ," Rey spits. "Manipulating all of us—" It's too much. Rey yanks her hand out of his and kicks the sand in rage. She buries her face against her forearms and tries to hold in a scream.

"Rey!" Ben grabs her, whirling her around to face him.

She leans her face against his chest. "I'm sorry. It's just—Snoke. All he's done. To the Republic. To your family. To mine too, maybe. To _you_." She feels a tear sneak out of her eye, tracking its way down her sunburnt face. "I know it's wrong, I know it's the Dark Side, but I want to kill him. I do. I just can't—"

"I _know_ , Rey. He's—" Ben swallows. "He's driven by evil. And when we get to the Resistance base, we'll help my mother—we'll help Luke, even—figure out a way to take him down. I'll tell them everything I know."

* * *

"We've found them, sir. They're back on Jakku."

Those two sentences are all it takes to put a smile on Hux's face. "Make sure they stay there. Tell Teedo to do whatever it takes."

In his head, he replays Snoke's orders. _Take the girl. She is your priority._

 _And Ren?_ Hux inquired, hardly daring to hope.

 _You may try to kill him. If you cannot—_ and Snoke's tone made it clear he did not expect Hux to be able to _—I have plans to take care of him._


	9. Chapter 8

"What are you doing?" Rey shrieks, launching into a foreign tongue as she charges at a teedo creature that perches atop a luggabeast. " _That's our ship!"_

Teedo snorts and continues to ride off, away from their tiny ship and its engine, the parts of which are spilled out across the sand.

"If you didn't do it, who did?" Rey shouts. "We need—"

Ben's arm flies up. _I'll make him tell us_.

 _No,_ Rey snaps.

He lowers his arm. _Look at you now,_ Snoke's voice seeps into his head. Not _actually_ Snoke. _A memory, a hallucination_ —Ben isn't sure which. _Seduced by the enemy, just like your grandfather. All the Skywalkers. Disappointments._

 _No,_ Ben thinks, gulping. The whip marks on his back burn in the infernal heat. _No, you seduced me to the Dark Side. Rey is—_

He looks at her, face covered in red splotches, sweat dripping down from her temples, and he's never seen anyone he wants to be like more. Her eyes, her mind, her heart—there's so much love, so much hope, so much confidence and so much peace—he _needs_ that.

And he loves her.

"Well," Rey pants, watching Teedo leave. "We're going to have to start over." She sniffs.

"Rey, that's okay," Ben says quickly, grasping her arms. "If you could fix this ship back on Prana's planet, I know you can fix it here. Just…" He licked his lips—they're cracked, dry. "Do we have to scavenge to survive?"

She laughs. "Well, Unkar Plutt's surely not going to buy from us. So we'll find another way. We might have to go hungry tonight, though."

"Unless we work by night and sleep by day," he suggests.

"That's not a bad idea."

That night, they sneak back to Niima Outpost, pilfering food and water. Rey works on the ship until dawn, with Ben attempting to help and mostly just getting in her way. When she finally declares herself done for the day, she presses herself into his arms, and for the first time in the light of day, she reaches to remove his shirt.

 _It's okay,_ he tells himself, focusing on the memory of Rey kissing his scar, on the fact that now he can fully see _her_ , and she wants him because she cares, because she loves him, because she believes in him.

That afternoon, ghosts come. Not the sort he saw as Anakin Skywalker, but the kind that haunt Ben's memories, the kind he suspects not amount of Light will never exorcise.

He lies awake, Rey beside him as the sun bakes the ship, turning it into a stifling oven, making him grateful they're undressed.

But the ghosts come closer, closing in around him.

 _Murderer._

Ben eases himself up, careful not to disturb Rey as he staggers for the exit.

 _Who are you to think you can ever escape what you are? You'll turn on her eventually. Just like you've turned on everyone who ever cared about you. Your father. Luke. Your mother._

 _I'd rather die._ He couldn't bear it if he hurt Rey again.

 _But that's what you do. You hurt people._

 _It's okay to hurt people who deserve it. He was trying to hurt you. It's okay._ Ben's eight years old again, and Tygo Ren's arms are pinning him against the wall as he struggles.

 _I didn't mean to!_

 _But you did. It's okay. I'll help you._

And the sand dunes turn into a flaming hut from twenty-two years ago, and Ben watches from a distance just like he had then, now curled up against the sand just like he'd curled up behind a tree, terrified that they'd _know_ , they'd all know it was him, _he_ was the murderer…

"Ben! _Ben!"_

Again, the voice of someone who cares about him, someone who doesn't know, cuts through the air. It'd taken hours of listening to Father's voice and Lor San Tekka's and Mother's before Lando finally found him behind that tree.

 _He's in shock, Han. Probably saw the flames and didn't know what to do._

The pain in Father's eyes—was it because, as Ben's always assumed, he thought his son simply hadn't been a hero? Or was it because, as Ben's always feared, he knew what Ben had done?

Or was it because he cared about his son?

A hand caresses his face. Not Han's. Rey's. She pulls him back, out of the memories he's drowning in. She chases away the ghosts.

"Do you know how old I was when I killed someone for the first time, Rey?" He's babbling. He doesn't know why he's telling her. But he needs to. She should know.

"Ben, what's going on?" Her gaze is so steady, so concerned. He can't stand it.

"I was eight. I didn't mean to. Snoke helped me cover it up. He sent a Knight of Ren—" he blurts out.

"Okay," Rey breathes, her hands still pressed against his face. "Okay." Her brow furrows.

"I'm evil, Rey. I've always been evil. I've been killing people since I was a child."

"How many others?"

"Just that one… until Luke's academy. But Snoke knew. He didn't choose me because I came from the Light, but because of the Dark!" He's wringing his hands. He tries to punch his side, but Rey catches his arm. "He knew what I'd become, Rey."

"You're changing though, Ben!" she insists, fighting to keep him from hitting himself. _"Stop it!"_

The rawness in her voice cuts through him. He drops his arms and drops his face to the sand. He hears her rise, hears her footsteps as she enters the ship again. And he hears her come back.

"Have some water," she orders.

He sits up, sand clinging to his tear-streaked face. He drinks.

"What brought this out?"

"I don't know," he mutters, head smarting. "I couldn't sleep—I kept thinking of getting to D'Qar—I'm so afraid, Rey. I'm a coward. I'm weak. I've done so few things in my life I can be proud of, and most of them took place the past—almost two months."

"It's got to be hard to realize you've been living a lie," Rey concurs.

He doesn't get it. He doesn't understand why she's even attempting to understand.

 _Because I love you,_ she snaps telepathically.

"Do you want to talk about it more?" she asks aloud.

He doesn't say anything, but she presses deeper into his mind, and it hurts slightly but he lets her in, lets her see the memories, the ghosts, that torment him, starting back when he was eight. He shows her Lor San Tekka, how he sneered at the man's gentle rebuke and slaughtered him, how he commanded all the villagers be executed. He lets her wander, seeing what she wills, seeing all of it.

And when she withdraws, she takes his hand in hers, squeezing it.

"I love you," he says, because he can't say anything else.

Now she grins, reaching out to flick his sand-encrusted hair. "I know."

* * *

Hux watches as Jakku burgeons in front of the _Finalizer_. The fastest Star Destroyer in the galaxy, and it still took almost two weeks to get to this junkyard. He has no respect for its inhabitants. Hux came from wealth and prestige, despite his father's constant insinuations he'd fit in more on a junkyard planet.

 _I'll be someone someday, you watch!_ he recalls screaming at his father. And he was. He manages his father's stormtrooper program.

Except, his father would never be able to see. He died at the incompetent hands of the New Republic's minions. And Hux has a sneaking suspicion his father would still find fault with him— _under your leadership you had a deserter! A traitor! That's on you!_

Hux grimaces. In Kylo Ren's disdain for him, he sees his father.

 _His opinion never mattered anyways,_ Hux reminds himself as he radios the Supreme Leader to receive his final instructions.

 _Retrieve the girl. Leave Ren._

Hux beams as he boards a smaller ship to descend to Jakku.

* * *

If Ben weren't so certain, Rey wouldn't have guessed this place used to be a village. She watches Ben place the final stone atop a small pyramid-like structure he built.

"Do you think Lor San Tekka would approve?" Rey asks, wishing she knew the face of the man who apparently sacrificed his life protecting her. "Of us?"

Ben casts her a withering glance. "Maybe. He liked me well enough as a kid. Though I was always a little too… emotional. And apt to give up."

Rey snorts. "Well, I think he'd like you now."

Something rumbles from above them. Rey peers up at the sky moments before Ben grabs her and throws her to the ground. An explosion rings out.

"Who?" she screams, ears ringing, but she knows even before Ben answers.

 _The First Order._

"Let's go!" she shouts, scrambling to her feet and grabbing Ben's hand like Finn grabbed hers last time. _I am never coming back to Jakku again,_ she thinks.

The hopelessness of their situation slams into her as they dive behind the remains of a hut. _We're miles from the nearest ship, and ours doesn't even work._

"We know you're out there," a slick voice says from some sort of speaker. "Hiding. We only want the girl. Ren, if you want to live, you'll give her to us and _maybe_ the Supreme Leader will be forgiving."

Ben clutches her arm and she hears his answer in his mind: _never._

"Why me?" she hisses. "What do they want with me? And not you?"

"I don't know!" He shakes his head. "They're not going to get you."

"We need to make it back to the transporter," Rey says. "If we get to Niima Outpost, there'll be chaos—maybe we can steal another one of Unkar Plutt's ships." They won't be able to, though. Not with all the extra measures Plutt's taken. She knows it, but her brain is still scrabbling for solutions.

 _What would Han Solo do?_

 _Not give up,_ she knows. "Now!" Seizing his hand, she flies towards the transporter, powering it up with the Force before she leaps on. A cannon shot misses Ben by mere millimeters.

"Keep your head down!" Ben shouts.

"It's _you_ they're shooting at, not me!" she screams. _Why can't the Force make things go faster?_

With a whoosh, Rey knows that a ship has landed, and whoever possesses that disdain-soaked voice has arrived. And he will chase them down. More ships fly overhead, chasing them.

Ben gasps, and Rey turns around to see blood seeping from his side.

"It's just a graze!" he shouts. "I'll be fine!"

She doesn't know what to do. She wishes Luke were here, wishes her grandfather would appear like Ben's had, because she _does_ know what to do and doesn't want to do it.

Although, knowing Luke, she suspects he'd tell her to do what she needs to do.

"We should split up when we get to the outpost," she yells. "Make it hard for them to track us."

"They're tracking you, though!"

"They also think you'll be with me! You keep this transporter, go through that downed Star Destroyer, get to our ship—I'll meet you there!"

"Where are _you_ going?"

"Past the quicksands! The ones on foot might—" She pushes her thoughts into his mind, and he's so trusting he doesn't even realize it. "You will follow this plan!"

"I will follow this plan," he repeats as they veer into Niima Outpost.

Rey leaps off the transporter amid cries and enraged shouts. She throws an arm around Ben and kisses him. With her other arm, she shoves her lightsaber inside his belt. "We'll be able to communicate. Don't worry. And don't ask questions."

He nods, face dazed with her mind trick. And he's gone, and she's running too, towards the quicksands, even though she knows she won't make it.

 _Rey!_ She hears him break through her mind trick.

 _Get to D'Qar. Come back for me,_ she says before she harnesses the Force to block him from her mind.

She pauses where she is, raising her hands as stormtroopers swoop in around her. She's shoved to her knees, manacled, dragged past a smirking redheaded general. Despite his smirk, his eyes are cold.

The ship takes off, and Rey breaks her block for just a moment, and the anguish she feels strewing through Ben doubles her over.

Fear hits her.

 _What will happen to me now?_

* * *

" _Rey!"_ Ben screams, the black ship carrying her shrinking as it flies towards open space. " _REY!"_

 _She left you._

 _Get to D'Qar… Come back for me._

 _No, she didn't. She sacrificed herself for you. To keep you alive._

Ben races back to the speeder, throwing his legs over it and taking off. He's gasping, but tears won't come.

 _She loves me._

 _I'm coming for you,_ he vows. _I'm coming, Rey. I won't leave you._

Ben waits, stilling his mind, hoping for a response. None comes.

When he gets to the ship, he jumps off and rushes towards the hatch, staring at the jumble of parts Rey's been so painstakingly piecing back together _again_. She'd said it was almost finished. The blaster graze wound burns. Sand's likely gotten inside, but he can't worry about cleaning it now. He feels an unfamiliar object in his belt and pulls out his grandfather's lightsaber.

 _You've never fixed a ship in your life. What makes you think you can do this?_

 _You're Han Solo's goddamn son,_ he tells himself. _You can fix this ship._

* * *

 **And with that, we are officially caught up with the prologue! Thanks to all for reading!**


	10. Chapter 9

_A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away_

General Organa paces back and forth. Finn hasn't known her terribly long, but he has never seen her look as pale, as frail, as shocked as she looks now. Not even when they arrived back with Luke.

"He's pretty insistent that he speak to you, Luke," Poe says, shifting as if his leg's still bothering him.

"Don't!" Finn interjects. Everyone looks at him. "I mean, you shouldn't—don't trust him. He might have something planned. I mean, he can't be helping Rey. We saw him take her."

Leia cocks her head, studying him. " _You_ question him."

Finn glances over his shoulder to see whether Admiral Ackbar or Lieutenant Connix is there. Nothing but blank wall greets him. "Um—" He clears his throat. "Me?"

"And Poe."

"I don't know that—wouldn't somebody else be better? Someone with more experience?"

"Experience interrogating someone? Perhaps. But, Finn, _you're_ the only other one on this base who has experience with the First Order."

 _She's hoping I can get through to him somehow,_ Finn realizes.

 _There's no way._

"We'll do it," Poe declares.

Leia still looks to Finn. He nods. "I'll… do my best."

"We'll be watching," Leia says, gesturing to a series of monitors.

"I can do this," Finn mutters to himself as they head towards the cells. "I can do this."

"Yes, you can," Poe affirms, winking at Finn.

They round a corner, and Finn presses a button, opening the cell doors. Kylo leans against the wall, dragging his hands repeatedly through his black hair. He stops as they come in.

"Comfortable?" Poe asks, breaking the silence.

"Where's Luke?"

"You're not getting to talk to Luke. Not yet. You're talking to us." Finn steps closer. "Where's Rey?"

"That's _why_ I came. _Because I don't know."_

"We saw you—"

"Yes, I took her from Stewjon," Kylo interrupts. "I did. I—I'm sorry about that, okay?"

"What?" Incredulous, Poe turns to Finn. "What'd he say?"

Kylo's voice comes out a whisper. "I said I'm sorry."

Poe laughs. "Okay. Stop playing games with us."

"I'm not playing a game!" Kylo shouts. Both Finn's and Poe's hands fly to their blasters. Kylo tries again. "Snoke wants Rey for whatever reason. He sent me to get her, and then—a lot of things happened, Rey got sick, King Prana made us work as scavengers and we escaped—and then we went back to Jakku… Rey wanted to talk to someone there. And Snoke came back and he wants Rey. Hux said he wanted to take Rey. Not me."

"I am so confused," Poe mutters to Finn.

"See, this is exactly what I need to speak to Luke! Neither of you will understand. Luke might know why—what it is Snoke wants with Rey." Kylo peels himself off the wall, and Finn notices that his arms are trembling. "The more time we waste, the closer Rey gets to him—and—"

"Why did you have her lightsaber then?" Finn demands.

"She gave it to me." He starts out shouting, then drops to a whisper as if he knows how ridiculous it sounds.

"Are you asking us to trust you?" Finn interrupts, laughing at the absurdity. "Because we have no reason at all to even _consider_ that. Plus, your story doesn't make sense. Rey just decided to go back to Jakku?" Okay, that doesn't surprise Finn overmuch. But: "With you? And that doesn't explain how we saw you grabbing her and dragging her into that ship on King Prana's—"

"You were there?" Kylo gapes at them.

"Yes, and we saw you dragging her into that piece of junk ship!"

His eyebrows swoop together. "If I hadn't grabbed her that thing would've taken her legs off!"

Poe shrugs as if to say, _fair point_.

"You actually expect us to believe you were helping after you kidnapped her— _twice_ —and tortured her, and killed your own father?" Finn hadn't meant to let that last clause slip out. _Oh well._

Kylo grips his side, cringing. "She saved my life, okay? She escaped on King Prana's—she was sick, I thought she needed medicine—but she escaped, and there was this serpent, and she killed it because it was about to kill me, and then King Prana tried to feed us to a krayt dragon and we used the Force to kill it instead and Rey convinced him to let us work instead of becoming food while she repaired a burned ship and then we escaped."

Poe's jaw hovers.

"Are you actually crazy?" Finn demands, dumbfounded.

"That's what happened." Kylo's fingers still pinch his side, and Finn notices color draining from his face.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Poe asks.

"Nothing." He takes his hand from his side, but Finn notices something crimson smeared on his fingertips.

"You _were_ injured in that crash!"

Kylo frantically shakes his head. "No, it wasn't the crash—it's just a graze wound—I'll—"

Poe marches forward. "Help me, Finn." He grabs Kylo's shoulders, biting his lip because he's surely aware that Kylo could use the Force to make him fly across the room if he wants.

"A graze from what, a blaster?" Finn demands, kneeling and tearing at Kylo's shirt. What might have once been a graze wound is a swollen mass of purple flesh, mottled and leaking something yellow and green and sticky. "That," Finn says. "Is infected."

"No—it's just a scar, it's by a scar—"

"I can see the scar, and I can see the wound!" Finn yells. "Hey, General, Skywalker, everyone who's listening—we need a doctor in here!"

The door whirs and Dr. Kalonia rushes in. Behind her, Finn sees Leia.

Kylo shrinks backwards as Dr. Kalonia tears his shirt further. "When did this happen?"

"Two weeks ago," Kylo answers, voice small.

Dr. Kalonia shakes her head. "We're going to have to take him to medical. Does anyone have restraints?"

Poe produces a silver pair. Kylo holds out his wrists, closing his eyes as the handcuffs snap on. Finn grabs one of Kylo's arms as Dr. Kalonia takes the other.

"Fight us, and I'll shoot you," Poe says, though they all know Kylo won't be fighting. Why not, though, Finn still doesn't understand.

As they half-carry Kylo past his mother and out the door, Kylo keeps his gaze glued to the ground. Only when they're about to round the corner does Kylo look back, his face occluded with shame and fear as he looks at his mother.

* * *

On board the _Finalizer_ , no one talks to Rey. A chrome-armored captain delivers her meals three times a day. Otherwise, Rey is kept in a small cell, guarded by up to seven stormtroopers. Within the first day, her hopes of escaping are dashed.

Now she has nothing to do but wait, wait to arrive wherever Snoke wants her and face whatever he has for her.

Ben is her only hope. _Please be on D'Qar. Please come back for me,_ she thinks.

Nausea wells within her as she ponders what Snoke might want with her. The feeling overwhelms her, and she vomits her meager breakfast onto the floor. She was sick last night, too. _Maybe I'm allergic to the First Order. Maybe that's why I get sick whenever I'm on one of their ships_. She smirks at the thought.

Still, anxiety chomps at her. She doesn't want to be sick. She doesn't want to be weakened when she meets Snoke—an event that, according to the few words she can get out of the captain, will occur within a few days.

 _No. You surrendered._

 _Does it matter?_

Rey hates being trapped. She's always had her freedom.

 _It does matter. I made a choice._

The door to her cell slides open, and Rey rises as the captain and the black-clad, dour-faced general with fiery hair stalks in.

"Are you sick?" the general asks, nose wrinkling.

"The First Order nauseates me," she replies.

"Say that again, and I'll have you beaten," the general threatens. "I understand Captain Phasma told you that we will be reaching our destination in a few days."

Rey's stomach rolls again and she grabs it. The general backs up in alarm.

Breathing deeply, she asks: "What does Snoke want with me?"

The general scowls. "The Supreme Leader did not tell me. But, in his infinite wisdom, he must have a reason."

"Why didn't he want B—Kylo Ren?" They can't know about her attachment to Ben. Rey is determined not to give them anything they might use against her.

"Perhaps he finally tired of his reckless antics," responds the general.

"You hate him."

"Working with Ren has never been a pleasure," the general concedes.

"Yes," Rey says, watching the way the general's lips twitch, the way he taps his fingers together. "You're jealous."

He gawps at her, the same expression of horror on his face that Rey saw on Kylo Ren's when she saw how afraid he was of never being as strong as Darth Vader.

"If you let me go," she says, desperate and pushing into his mind. "You'll be free to prove yourself to Snoke. If you rid him of Force users—"

"Speak to me like that again, and I'll have you bound and gagged!" he screams, whirling around and stomping out. "Captain, send someone to clean up this mess."

"Yes, sir."

Rey paces the tiny room _. What have I done?_ She'd pushed into his mind—she hadn't meant to— _yes, you did_ —against his will, without provocation—

Rey drops onto the small table that serves as her bed. "Help me," she cries, she knows not to whom. "I don't want to choose the Dark Side. Help me."

* * *

Within a week, Ben recovers under Dr. Kalonia's care. He doesn't know what else she's seen—the whip marks, surely.

 _What does it matter?_ No one's been in to question him, apparently on orders from the General herself. And no one will let him speak to Luke.

 _She's got to be there. With him, by now. Or at least soon…_

He squeezes his eyes shut, trying not to cry. A purring noise near his head startles him. Craning his neck, Ben recognizes R2-D2 from his childhood.

He shuts his eyes again. Can droids feel? If so, how does R2 feel about him—the child who murdered the dreams of the man the droid gave so much to help and murdered the love of the other one the droid served?

R2 blips and bleeps, and the sounds he makes create a sort of melody that sears Ben's heart. Because he knows this song.

It's the lullaby from Alderaan that his mother used to sing to him, every time he had a nightmare.

The pilot he once tortured—Poe, he's learned his name is—and the stormtrooper who now calls himself Finn enter the room, and R2 quiets but still looks at Ben, who gives the droid a weak smile.

"Dr. Kalonia says it's fine to move you back to the cells," Poe informs him.

Ben squints at Finn. The jacket—wasn't the pilot wearing it when Kylo interrogated him after Jakku? "That's fine," Ben says wearily. "Can I _please_ speak to Luke?"

"We'll see about that." Poe yanks him up. R2 bleeps. "You're coming?"

Another droid, small and round, rolls in and peers up at Ben. _The_ droid.

R2 chatters with the smaller droid, which looks at Ben with suspicion.

They escort him down the hallway, past staring, condemning Resistance fighters. _It doesn't matter. Their opinions don't matter. All that matters is saving Rey._

But it _does_ matter to him, and he hates himself for it.

The cell door opens, and as Finn and Poe push Ben inside, he sees another figure waiting for him.

His mother.

"Leave us, Dameron, Finn," Leia says.

"All righty, then," Finn says, backing out.

There's nowhere for him to go now. It's a tiny cell. Ben lowers his head, finding himself stepping backwards until he's up against a wall.

"Ben."

He can tell she's half-expecting him to scream at her, deny his name. But he won't. He can't. He doesn't want to be Kylo Ren.

Ben meets her eyes, and he's crying. Tears stream down his face as he shakes his head, but she's already rushing to him, throwing her arms around him.

 _She's not rejecting you._

 _You don't deserve this._

 _Murderer._

But she's not calling him a _murderer_ or a _traitor_. Instead, she's murmuring: "My son. My son."

Sobs wracking him, Ben wraps his arms around her small frame, clinging to her as he should have clung to Han on that bridge. " _Mother_." He pulls away, choking and gasping for air. "I'm—I'm sorry—I—how can you—"

"You're _back_ ," she says. " _Ben_."

"I don't want—I'm not with the First Order any more. I'm not. I can't do it anymore. I know you probably don't entirely believe me, and you shouldn't—it'd be foolish to trust me—but please—"

She pulls back, studying his face, taking in the long scar Rey gave him the night he murdered Han Solo, her husband, his father.

"I know an apology won't make it right," he admits. "Nothing will. But I—"

"You're _back_. That's as right as your father would have wanted," she says, and Ben cries so hard he can't speak. She smoothes his hair, love emanating from her every move without needing to say it.

"Snoke—he—he has Rey, Mother, he has her," Ben finally manages.

She lowers him to the floor, sitting across from him and clutching his hands as if afraid he'll disappear.

 _How much have I put her through, these past fifteen years?_ he wonders.

"Tell me everything." It's not a command. It's an invitation.

He starts from the moment Snoke told him to capture the girl, detailing his deception on Stewjon with a tightness in his chest, Rey's illness, the stop on King Prana's, the krayt dragon, even Anakin's ghost. He describes Rey's kindness, but he leaves out his feelings for her. _Rey's a Jedi._ If—when—they get her back, it'll be up to Rey to make her choice, and he won't make it for her by bringing up their attachment.

She listens.

* * *

Bound in a chair reminiscent of the one Kylo Ren questioned her in on the Starkiller base, Rey's heart pounds as Snoke enters the room. She can't see him yet, but she feels his presence—it's dark, and humming with power.

"So, the scavenger girl. The Force user." His voice is smooth, almost inviting. Nothing like she expected.

"What do you want with me?" she demands.

Snoke appears in her sight now. Tall and imposing, he looks as if his face has caved in over the weight of hundreds of years of evil. Rey tries to recoil, but she can't. Lightheaded, she struggles to keep her face as blank as possible.

"You're afraid," Snoke states.

 _Dammit._

"Good. Fear is the path to the Dark Side."

"Don't you have Kylo Ren for that?" she spits. "You don't need me."

Snoke shakes his head. "Oh, but I do. Your power is stronger. You're more committed. You won't waver, when you turn."

"Good luck with that."

Snoke's palm rests on her forehead, and pain shoots through Rey. His grin grows wider as her grimace grows deeper.

"I need helpers," Snoke says abruptly. "The Force is so immense, so powerful. Choosing only the Light—you're limiting yourself."

"Isn't it the same if you choose the Dark Side?"

"You've already chosen the Light. If you choose the Dark now, you will become more powerful than you can imagine. Imagine, that little girl who was powerless to find her mother, having all the knowledge in the universe at her disposal—"

"That's not going to work," Rey hisses.

Snoke sighs and raises his hands. Her restraints snap off.

"Get up." It's not a request.

Rubbing her wrists, Rey staggers out of the chair.

"Come with me."

She can't resist. He leads her down a hallway. "Where is your lightsaber?"

"I lost it."

"You gave it to Kylo Ren is what you mean. We'll have to get it back. That's a good lightsaber, a _stable_ one with so much history… used on the side of the Light, and the Dark." He opens the door to a room made of black marble. Pillars rise towards a domed ceiling, a ceiling flecked with crystals that look like stars.

But they're not stars.

"Is this where you trained Kylo Ren?" Rey asks, glancing around. It's majestic, but the cavernous appearance gives it a hollow feeling. Her voice echoes. _Ren… Ren… Ren…_

"This is where you'll train."

"No." She faces him. "I won't."

"Is that your answer then?"

"Yes?" _Is he actually listening?_ And then she can't move. She's frozen in place, and the same awful panic claws its way through her _. Let me go, let me go, move, move move!_ she screams at herself, more panicked because she knows it's pointless.

 _You can't fight him._

Snoke approaches her, hands roving up and down her body, never quite touching. "I feel it. Your power—Kylo Ren's pales in comparison. Rey Kenobi, you are—brave too, and resourceful—and—" His hands pause over her abdomen, and he begins to laugh. It's a horrible, bloody, ghastly sound.

He waves his hand, and she can breathe, can _move_. Gasping, Rey grasps her knees. "You've already invested so many years in Kylo Ren. Why start over?"

"Rey Kenobi. Let's not play games. I can see far more about you than you even know."

 _He knows. About Ben._ Despair latches onto her.

"Did you really think I couldn't sense these things through the Force? These, you see, are the types of things the Dark Side can show you."

"Leave me alone."

"All right." Snoke withdraws, startling Rey. He opens the room's door, and two stormtroopers swoop in to grab her arms. "Now I understand."

 _Understand what?_ Rey wonders.

"You'll have time to decide. Approximately seven and a half months, I'd say."

 _So long?_ Rey blinks, disconcerted.

"Since it appears you don't know yet," Snoke says as he approaches the door. "Let me be the first to break the happy news to you." He faces her, a hollow grin on his face. "You're carrying Kylo Ren's child, Rey Kenobi."


	11. Chapter 10

"I heard you wanted to see me."

Huddled against the wall, Ben lifts his head from his knees to see his uncle. He scrambles to his feet.

"Here I am." Luke spreads his arms.

For so many years, Ben looked for Luke Skywalker, hoping to kill him, wipe out the Jedi.

 _Did you ever really want to find him?_

He's here now, and considering the fact that Anakin hasn't been answering any of Ben's pleas, he's Rey's only hope.

"You need to help Rey," he says, so many unspoken words pulsating in his tone.

"Snoke has her."

He nods. "They took her on Jakku."

"I heard the story you told your mother." Luke steps closer. "A krayt dragon, huh?"

Ben almost smiles.

"I guess you did learn something from me after all."

Flinching, Ben stares at his feet, clad in black boots.

Luke sighs. "I was joking, Ben."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are." Luke sighs. "Why do you need me to help Rey? Don't you know where Snoke is?"

Ben wraps his arms around himself. "No. Not exactly. He moves—he has a Star Destroyer he trains apprentices on. He'll have taken Rey on that. I can't predict where it is."

"And you think I _can_?"

"I don't know—you've had more years of training in the Force—I thought—I hoped—"

"Why are you so interested in trying to save Rey?"

"Because she's in this mess because of me. Because I abducted her. It's my fault. I need to—I can't have her blood on my conscience. And she saved my life. At King Prana's. I owe her."

Luke studies his nephew's face, taking in the jagged scar. A sign of how depraved he was, forever. As if people didn't already know.

"Snoke wanted her, not me," Ben adds. "I don't know why. I thought you might, with all your studies at the first temple…"

Luke's face pales.

"You know something!"

"I have suspicions." Luke nods at his side. "Is that why they shot you?"

"Presumably." Ben shrugs. "Hux also hates me, so there's that."

"Snoke sensed you helping Rey."

"I suppose. Yes. He must have." _He always noticed the Light… he'd say it was because I was weak, and maybe he was wrong about me._ But Ben says none of these things aloud. He doesn't deserve any sympathy and he knows it.

 _It's tearing me apart. I want to be free of this pain._

To be free of it, he suspects he'll have to walk through the pain, and he's so afraid.

But Luke waits patiently, with a soft look in his eyes, like Ben is a small child who was caught attempting to recalibrate C-3PO again.

"She went with them. She surrendered to them. To save me," he blurts out. _It really is entirely my fault._

Luke presses his hand against his brow, absorbing the information.

"She's good," Ben pleads. "She's Light. You know her. She sacrificed herself to keep them from killing me, and I didn't—I know I don't deserve it. I can't leave her with them."

"We won't. We'll find her." Luke lifts his head, reaching out for his nephew, clasping Ben on the shoulder.

Ben takes in the lines crisscrossing his uncle's face, lines embedded so deep they almost resemble scars, the weariness in his brow, the hint of red in his eyes, and knows he's responsible for all of it. "I'm so sorry." It comes out a plea, because he doesn't know what else to say, and it sounds so flimsy, as if four syllables can atone for years of pain and dozens of lives, lives Luke invested in, stolen away.

But Luke nods, even though it can't be easy. "I know."

* * *

He cannot see daylight from his cell, but Ben can tell when nighttime comes. The footsteps in the hallway vanish, and voices stop calling to each other.

R2 still blips and whirs next to him as he tries to sleep. Ben closes his eyes and, for a moment, think's he's fallen into a dream.

 _I should have known you'd flee back to your mother and her puny resistance._

Not a dream. Ben sits bolt upright.

 _Has she forgiven you for killing Han Solo? She might say it, but she really hasn't, and you know it._

 _How are you in my head?_ he demands, whipping around to survey every inch of the cell.

 _I'm nowhere near you. But we two, we're bound by our dark deeds. You don't really think you can ever erase the Dark, do you? You couldn't even erase the Light._

 _Where's Rey?_

 _With me. She's stubborn._

 _Where are you?_

 _Aboard my ship. Which you already know. I see—_ Ben's brain begins to unfurl, and he struggles to block Snoke. _Luke Skywalker is no help to you. Do not forget: you chose this. You chose to leave._

Sweat drips down his back. He feels as if an inferno is raging inside his mind. _Why her?_

 _You don't expect me to answer, Kylo Ren, and I won't be answering._

He shakes his head wildly. _My name is Ben._

 _Is it now?_ Snoke laughs. Ben's skull feels as if it's threatening to fly apart and he clutches it. R2 squeaks in concern.

 _I do have important news for you. About Rey._

 _Don't hurt her,_ he pleads, breath coming in quick gasps.

 _I won't. Not yet. I'll even let you see her._

The pain in his head explodes, and Ben drops to the floor, but he sees her, he sees Rey, clutching a bucket and vomiting.

 _She's sick!_

 _Because of you,_ Snoke taunts.

R2 bleeps hysterically, zooming towards the cell door and tapping out some kind of signal.

Snoke laughs again. _She's pregnant, Kylo Ren._

And then Snoke vanishes, and he has his mind back, but it doesn't matter because his own mind takes Snoke's last statement and replays it over and over. _She's pregnant, Kylo Ren. She's pregnant._

 _Rey is pregnant._

 _With my child._

 _What have I done?_

Ben can only imagine the plans Snoke has for Rey, for their baby. _It's what you are made of. The Dark, and the Light_. He shakes his head. He can't… he can't… _This can't happen_. He should never have touched Rey, let her touch him… but he did, and he loves her, and fear like he's never known grips him.

 _A child?_

He can't be a father. He has no idea how. Does Rey know how to be a mother? She can't. And yet it's happening, and because of him, Snoke's hold over both of them has tightened.

 _What have I_ done?

 _I'm so sorry, Rey,_ he cries in his mind even though he knows Snoke won't let her hear it. _I'm so sorry_. Does she blame him, is she furious at him for putting her in this position?

Ben imagines his mother's reaction, Luke's. Now when he finally has the chance to make things right, he's screwed everything up. _Again_. For Rey… for the Resistance, even, because Snoke is ecstatic, this he knows.

And for his child

For the first time, he wonders what the parents of the stormtroopers Hux took from birth feel when their children are stolen from them and bred to slaughter and be slaughtered for the First Order.

 _Not my child._ He can't let that happen. _His father's grandchild… grandson, or granddaughter_ …

 _I'm so sorry, Rey._

He punches himself, punches and kicks the cot. R2 shrieks.

Ben whirls around. "R2," he pleads. "I need to talk to my mother. And Luke. _Right now."_

* * *

"Sorry to wake you up, General—R2 said it was urgent—" Poe hurries along after them.

"What did you see?" Leia barks.

"Ren was sleeping, or so it looked like, then he like got up and fell to the floor, and then he started punching and kicking things," Finn supplies.

"What he said," Poe confirms.

"Oh, dear!" C-3PO follows. BB-8 blips. "Yes, I can come, BB-8, if you can! It's unfair to say otherwise! I look more human than you do anyways!"

Leia and Luke rush down the stairs. Poe taps his blaster, exchanging a glance with Finn.

"Game over?" Finn suggests.

"We'll find out." Poe punches in the code, and they all troop inside. Ren paces, dragging his hand through his hand so hard strands cling to his hand when he pulls his it away. With his face covered in sweat, his scar sharp against his pallid skin, Poe's never seen him look more disheveled. Even when he needed treatment for that infected blaster wound.

"Ben, what's going on?" Leia cries.

"Snoke."

"What about him?" Finn demands.

Ren—Ben—hesitates, as if trying to force words out of his mouth. "He was—in my head."

"Oh dear!" C-3PO laments.

Poe remembers when Kylo Ren ravaged his own mind, tearing through to find the information he wanted. He glances down at BB-8 and remembers his betrayal of the Resistance. At this man's hands. "What did you give him?"

Ben shakes his head. "Nothing! He—he wasn't looking for very much."

"What about Rey?" cuts in Finn. BB-8 whirs.

"He let me see her." Ben's jaw works as if he's deciding what to say. Well, he'd better decide soon, because Poe is sick of waiting and sick of watching Finn's face melt in terror. "She's… okay. For now."

"Is he hurting her?" Luke asks.

"Not physically," Ben mutters.

Leia grips her son's arm. "Meaning—"

"He'll play mental games with her." Ben hesitates again, as if he wants to say something else, but can't. His face is ravaged with even more fear than Finn's.

"Shit." Poe watches R2 bleep sadly.

Ben swallows. "If Snoke can get in my head, he might try again—he might—"

"So killing him is our safest option?" Finn whispers to Poe. No one hears the comment except BB-8, who nods its head, but Ben still glances at both of them. Poe scowls.

"We'll be careful," Leia says. "Could you sense anything about where he is?"

Ben shakes his head. "Not this time."

"Next time, though," Luke says quietly. "If he comes again, you must try to push back."

"Against Snoke?" Ben's eyes are wide. "I will try. But it's practically impossible."

"So, wait," Finn says. "If he can push into your mind from somewhere across the galaxy, can't you push into his mind? Like right now?"

"That's not how the Force works!" Ben snaps.

"How would I know?" Finn throws up his hands.

Ben frowns at Finn like he's studying him, and Poe does not like it. "If you try anything—"

"I'm not! I'm telling you Snoke's communicating with me! I don't want to hide anything!"

Something clouds Leia's face. "Ben, we know." She takes her son in her arms, and Poe's heart aches for his own parents, long dead.

"I'm such a—I'm such a—"

 _Murderer? Liar? Egomaniac?_ Poe could have supplied a whole list, but Ben can't finish, and despite himself, Poe's starting to feel sympathy for him and he doesn't quite know why.

"This is all my fault."

"We can make it right," Poe says. "We'll find her."

Ben laughs. "We can't."

"Yes, we can," Luke soothes.

Ben shakes his head. "Snoke is far more powerful than any of us. He'll only let me into his mind if he wants me there, or if I can push into it when he's _already_ there."

"Ben, do you and Rey have a connection?" Luke inquires. "Through the Force?"

Ben flinches. "I don't know. Maybe. I think so. But if we do, Snoke's not letting me access her. Believe me, I've tried."

Finn presses his lips together. Clearly, he's not liking the way Ben talks about Rey. Poe's suspicions rise as well.

When they troop out of the cell, Chewie is waiting for them. He roars.

"It's all right, Chewie. We think," Poe says.

"He saw Rey. She's alive," Finn adds.

Chewie nods, staring at the closed door.

"He's keeping something from us, isn't he?" Leia asks Luke. Poe stops and stares. It's what he suspected too, but he doesn't say it.

"He was telling the truth," Luke replies. "But yes. There's something he isn't telling us—from shame or fear, I can't tell what."

* * *

Rey hears the door sliding open, but she doesn't look up. She doesn't want to see Snoke, or that smug, priggish general Hux. She stays curled up on her cot, arms wrapped around her stomach. Protecting Ben's child. Her child.

She still can't quite believe it. Herself, a mother? Ben, a father? The notion of Snoke doing to her child what he did to Ben—turning him against his family—adds ripples to the waves of nausea already surging within her.

Would it be better to lose the child? Should she hope for that?

She can't. She's so scared, and yet she can't wish it away.

Snoke told Ben last night, she knows. _Is he happy? Is he scared?_ She hopes it's a bit of both.

"I have water for you, and food," Captain Phasma says in her robotic voice.

"I don't want anything."

"Don't want or can't have?" The robotic edge melts slightly. Rey peers up at the mask.

"Can't."

"If you have some of the wafers, they might help the nausea," suggests the Captain.

Rey frowns, hands still splayed over her abdomen. She can't feel any signs of a baby except this pulsating nausea. "Have you been pregnant before?"

"No. But my mother had many children. I was the eldest."

"I'll try them."

Phasma hands her the plate. Rey grabs the blue wafers and forces them into her mouth, chewing slowly.

"Do you get to see your family?" Rey asks, even though she suspects the answer.

"No. I hear they are well, though."

Well, that's more than Rey would have guessed. "Do you usually serve Snoke so closely?"

Phasma straightens to her full impressive height. "The Supreme Leader requested his best troops to guard you."

"I'm not flattered." Rey snatches another wafer.

Phasma turns and leaves.

* * *

"You were in there a peculiarly long time," Hux observes as Phasma marches back to the control room.

"The girl is ill."

Hux snickers. "Because she's carrying Ren's brat."

"Try and control your glee, sir. It's showing."

"Well, forgive me if I'm relieved the Supreme Leader has finally seen through Ren. If trying to save the girl wasn't enough, knocking her up certainly should be."

Phasma stares through her mask at the stars. She waits, her irritation with this insufferable man growing with every moment. Hux has no loyalty to anyone besides Snoke and the First Order—and even then, Phasma wonders if he's not seeking to use it for his own purposes. Not that Kylo Ren was any better.

She, at least, understands loyalty. To her troops, if nothing else. She remembers that stormtrooper who deserted—FN-2187—with a pang.

 _I'm in charge now, Phasma! I'm in charge!_

She's felt oddly proud of him in that moment. Furious, terrified off his Wookiee henchman, but proud in an almost motherly sense.

Hux begins. "Do you know how many years I've been waiting for the Supreme Leader to realize what Ren is? He's a liability. He always has been. His fits of rages, his personal agendas, his inability to think things through—" Hux sucks in his breath. "And now the Supreme Leader knows. Kylo Ren will never be my problem again."

Phasma has no love for Kylo Ren, but she knows his loss weakens the First Order far more than his temper tantrums and impulsivity ever did. "Will he?"

Hux glances at her. "What do you mean?"

Phasma watches worlds fly by, some tinted white like stars, some gleaming with hints of blue and others sparking with hints of orange. "Why do you think Snoke is keeping the girl?"

"To replace Ren. When she comes around, she may be better."

" _When?"_ Phasma drags herself away from the window. "You're planning on using your brainwashing. On her."

"The Supreme Leader has entrusted me with that task, yes."

" _While_ she's pregnant."

"While she's—it's not going to cause her to lose the child! I will be careful in my selections, Captain Phasma, and you'd do well to remember that my ranking is above yours!"

"Apologies, sir." She resumes watching the planets and stars. "I do wonder, though."

Hux huffs. "What?"

"Why have one Force user, or two, when you could have three? Potentially one who's spent more time with the Resistance?"

"If you're suggesting Kylo Ren is on some kind of undercover mission with them, you're wrong."

"I'm not suggesting that at all. He betrayed us. But the Supreme Leader is wise. If he can persuade Ren to return—promise him something, like the girl, the child—wouldn't it make sense to do that? If he—if you—can turn the girl, surely she can turn Ren back as well?" Phasma suspects that's not the Supreme Leader's plan in any sense, but if she can get under Hux's arrogant skin, she will.

Hux says nothing, but Phasma sees the color flashing in his cheeks. Under her helmet, she smiles.


	12. Chapter 11

"All right." Luke enters the cell. "The admirals don't like it, but we're going to try."

"Try what?" Ben asks. R2 sounds like it's cheering.

"Practicing. You never finished your training."

Ben shakes his head. "That's not—"

"We agreed not to leave the cell. That's one of the conditions. Also, that someone be monitoring it at all times." Luke smiles. "Nothing new from Snoke?"

It's been two months since his last communication. Ben shakes his head. He almost wants the Supreme Leader to enter his head, just so he can find out how Rey is. She'll be three, almost four, months along now. _Is she showing yet_? he wonders. If she were dead, or the baby were dead, Ben knows Snoke would be taunting him. Being trapped in this cell day in and day out, while Rey suffers who knows what, is torture enough for him. _It should be me suffering, not her._

And still, he can't bring himself to tell Luke or his mother about Rey's pregnancy. _It's all my fault._

 _Coming here was a waste._

 _No,_ Ben tells himself. _That's not true._

"Ah, Ben," says another voice. Lando Calrissian climbs through the door. "I heard you were back." And he embraces Ben like he's never left.

"Lando finally convinced the admirals to let you train," Luke says.

"Reminded them of my own story," Lando says gently. "I once sold out your father."

 _At least Father survived that,_ Ben thinks. _I killed him_.

Lando grasps the back of Ben's neck. "He'd be proud that you're here."

 _Will you help me?_

 _Anything._

Did his father think he was totally gone, truly dead, when the lightsaber pierced his heart? Was his caress meant to be a farewell for the both of them? Or was it forgiveness?

Ben knows it's the latter, and that's what he clings to. His father's forgiveness. In the end, Han Solo did bring him home. Han Solo saved him. Han Solo, and Rey.

But would Father truly be proud of him? What would he think if he knew what happened to Rey, a girl he cared about? If he knew his son loved her, and she loved him, and they had a child Snoke was plotting to raise from the Dark Side?

 _He'd keep fighting._ And the best way for Ben to do that now is to train with Luke. Though Ben knows, someday, he may find himself on a bridge, facing a child confused about killing him.

 _Not if you get to Snoke first._

"Here." Luke tosses Ben Rey's lightsaber, Grandfather's lightsaber. "I'll use the one you created. It's got a cracked crystal, so this one will be better for training—"

Ben ignites it, studies the blue flame. In this lightsaber, there is only power and possibility—ghosts perhaps, but none of them his own. He didn't kill Han with this weapon.

 _It_ is _you._

 _Come back for me!_

He shakes his head, switching it off and holding it back out towards Luke. "It's Rey's. It answers to her."

"Rey's not here right now," Luke says softly. "I think it will work better for you while we're—"

A lump in his throat, Ben thrusts the lightsaber closer. "It's Rey's." _It should be her training, not me._

Luke nods, taking it back and tossing the other one to Ben.

* * *

"I still think that training him to get even stronger in the Force is a terrible idea," Finn declares.

"It's been almost fourteen days, and he's yet to try and escape," General Organa says as she passes Finn a cup of tea.

"Enjoy, Princess, Finn," says C-3PO as he totters out of the room.

" _General_ ," snaps Leia.

"Pardon me! General."

Finn drinks. The hot, spicy brew burns the roof of his mouth. "Ouch!"

"Careful," she warns.

"Sorry," he mutters. "I know he's your son."

"He's my son, but I'm not blind to what he did. I love him regardless. But I imagine you are far more familiar with the horrors of the First Order."

Finn shrugs. "Well, yeah. Yeah. I am." _Familiar with... and a participant in._ "But you and Luke—I heard you saying that he's holding something back. Couldn't that mean—"

"I can sense through the Force that's not the case. He's trying to hold on to the Light."

Finn leans back in his chair. "Pardon me if this too bold, but: why did you never train in the Force? General? Didn't you ever want to become a Jedi?"

She presses her lips together. "Since becoming aware of it, I have learned how to feel the Force. I can do simple tricks, but no, I've never worked to develop it further."

"Why not?"

Leia laughs. "Because found out Luke was my brother right before the Battle of Endor. Within a year Han and I had Ben. There wasn't much time."

Finn brings the cup back up to his mouth and sips. Better. Although his mouth will definitely blister. "Do you regret it? Not training?"

"No." She sighs. "I only wish I'd spent more time with him. Han, and my son. We were both busy, Han and I, trying to set things right in the galaxy. I think we forgot to keep things right at home. And I knew almost from the beginning that Snoke wanted Ben."

Finn spits his tea out. "Wait, what?" The steady drum of rain beats against the roof of the base, shrouding the conversations of those around them and shrouding their own.

"I was told—by Poe's father, actually—that Snoke was desperate to harvest Force users for his own devices. He created the Knights of Ren not long after. And I was warned he'd specifically go after our son, as a descendant of Anakin Skywalker." Leia stares into her cup as if it can offer her answers.

"So you sent him to train with Luke to protect him?"

"The worst mistake I ever made. Han didn't want him to go. He was so angry." Leia shakes her head. "I just… I wish Han were here."

Finn has no idea what to do with Leia's sudden vulnerability. His memory transports him back to that horrible moment Kylo Ren ignited his lightsaber on the Starkiller base. And Finn had charged up the lightsaber Kylo screamed belonged to him. _Come and take it._

Apparently, Kylo turned down that very lightsaber when Luke began training him. "I'm sorry."

Leia waves her hand. "It's fine."

What would it be like, to love someone so much, and lose them in so cruel a way? Finn thinks back to his fellow stormtroopers, to his friend who smeared his blood over Finn's helmet, marking him, changing him. He thinks of Han, of Rey.

 _We have to find her._

Sitting around, waiting for information, is not working for Finn. He stands and excuses himself.

Down the stairs. Past an exhausted Lieutenant Connix. BB-8 spins after him. "Go back," Finn orders.

BB-8 protests.

"Droid, you know I don't speak that! Just—fine. Come if you want." Finn punches in the code and enters Kylo's cell.

R2 whirs when it sees him, and BB-8 charges towards R2, squealing excitedly. Kylo smiles as the droids chatter about something. Finn hopes it isn't him.

"Where's your other half?" Kylo asks.

"Who?"

"The pilot. Poe."

"I don't know, asleep maybe?" Finn scowls, flustered. "He is not my other half. Why would you say that?"

Kylo raises his eyebrows. "Why did you come here?"

Finn crosses his arms. "Have you heard anything? From Snoke? About Rey?"

"No. I wish I had a different answer." He meets Finn's eyes, startling Finn with his sincerity.

 _He's terrified_ , Finn realizes.

"We can't leave her there much longer," Finn says.

"I know." Kylo tightens his hands into fists. "Believe me. I know."

"What do they have planned for her?"

"Snoke didn't tell me. Beyond the basics of turning her to the Dark Side."

"Why did _you_ turn?" Finn asks abruptly.

Ben reaches down and fiddles with the edge of his lightsaber. _Did you really have to leave it with him, Luke?_ Finn thinks.

"A lot of reasons. I thought I could balance the Force. I thought I could become all I was meant to be. I thought my parents were wrong and that they didn't love me. But the Dark Side—it consumed me."

"So why aren't you in allegiance with the Dark Side anymore?"

"Why aren't _you_?" Kylo asks.

"I didn't like seeing innocent people die by your orders," Finn snaps.

Kylo's face drains. "I didn't kill _you_."

 _Jakku._ Finn remembers Kylo staring at him and himself thinking he was finished for sure. "Why not?"

Kylo taps the lightsaber hilt against the metal of the cot. _Clang. Clang. Clang_. A nervous motion, not a threatening one. "The Light. I couldn't escape it."

"Well, I don't think _not_ killing me warrants a thank you."'

A strange sound escapes Kylo's lips. A laugh? "Would you accept an apology if I said I was sorry for almost killing you on the Starkiller?"

"Are you apologizing?"

BB-8 and R2 quiet down, staring at the two men.

Kylo nods.

Finn considers. "I suppose."

 _Traitor!_ Kylo has screamed, as if wanting to provoke Finn. _Why?_

Finn shakes it off. "Got your lightsaber back, I see. Don't try to cut through the walls here. It won't work."

"Good to know."

"So," Finn says. "How _does_ the Force work? And is there any way we can use it to find Rey?"

"If there were a way to use it to find Rey, I've already tried it, I assure you." Kylo tosses the lightsaber hilt at Finn, who ducks. It clatters against the floor.

"What was that about?" Finn demands.

"Take it away from me, because thinking about Rey makes me want to slice up the walls." He's not joking.

"We've got to find her. If Poe and I have to go out on our own, we will," Finn vows.

Kylo stares at Finn.

"I don't love her like that," Finn says hastily. Now Kylo blanches, and something clicks for Finn, something he doesn't dare say out loud. Does _Kylo_ love her?

"I know you don't," Kylo says, again with a subtle push that Finn doesn't understand.

Finn picks up the lightsaber, fiddling with it as his mind races. If Kylo is in love with Rey… it would explain so much. But poor Rey. Finn knows she would never love Kylo back, and the thought of Kylo experiencing unrequited love makes him smile.

The lightsaber ignites, vibrating in his hand. The heat from the side sections sears his skin. He swings it a few times.

"Careful, or you're going to cut off your own hand," Kylo says. " _And_ everyone will think I did it."

Finn snorts as he lowers the weapon.

"You're not bad," Kylo says. "You just need a little practice."

"Yeah, but I'm no Jedi. No Force, remember?"

Kylo studies him. "Hold your arm out."

"Why?" But Finn obeys.

"Swipe downwards. Really fast. And then go back up, and around."

Finn tries and almost burns his toe off. Kylo shakes his head.

"Give it here."

Finn tosses it at him, but without turning it off first. Kylo yelps and ducks.

"Sorry! It was an accident! I swear!"

Kylo reaches for it, getting back to his feet. "Like _this."_ He demonstrates, twirling the weapon in the same menacing fashion he did when he closed in on Finn and Rey in the woods. Except instead of a navy blue forest blanketed in snow, they're in a warm underground cell, the walls blistering white.

Kylo turns it off and tosses it back to Finn. "Try again."

BB-8 whirs in awe.

"Closer. Try to move a little faster—no, not that direction!"

"Here." Finn holds it out, sweat blossoming on his face as he takes his jacket off. "Show me again."

Kylo demonstrates. The lightsaber's snaps drown out the sound of the door opening.

" _Finn!"_

"Poe?" Finn whirls around to see his friend aiming a blaster at Kylo. The lightsaber hisses and then goes silent.

"What—"

"He was just demonstrating! I asked him to!" Finn shouts, stepping in front of the blaster. Poe lowers it.

"Why?"

Finn shrugs. "Last time I used a lightsaber he kinda kicked my ass. I want to get better. Jedi or not."

"Here," Kylo says quickly, kicking the weapon back towards Finn. "Show Poe what you're learning." There's _definitely_ innuendo in his words. Finn glowers at him.

"And don't cut his head off," Kylo orders. "Stand back."

Finn spins the lightsaber. "All right!"

"That was cool!" Poe exclaims.

Finn is almost startled when he doesn't hear Kylo saying _good job._ "Kylo? Er—Ben?"

Ben's kneeling on the ground, eyes somewhere else, as he listens to a voice only he can hear.

"Do you see her?" Finn asks urgently, gesturing to Poe, to BB-8 and R2, to get Luke and Leia.

Kylo recoils, meeting Finn's eyes and nodding. "He's putting her through some of Hux's training. Videos, and chants that never turn off…"

Finn swallows, because he knows those all too well.

* * *

"It's not in her best interest to keep her up all night listening to your voice!" Phasma snaps. Rey wants to hug the woman. Will it never cease?

"Snoke's not happy we're not getting results!" she hears Hux hiss.

In the end, Phasma wins. With or without Snoke's approval, Rey doesn't know. As for the Supreme Leader himself, she passes time by counting his appearances, which occur every seven days. He enters and storms through her mind as best he can.

"Twelve hours for videos. Twelve hours for rest," she finally hears him dictate.

 _Ah_. So he does know. Or he does now. She doesn't care.

Rey;s abdomen is starting to swell now, not large enough for anyone besides herself to notice. It makes it seem all the more real.

 _Where are you, Ben?_ she thinks desperately as Hux's voice prattles on about the First Order. Surely he's at D'Qar by now. If he went back to the First Order, she'd know.

In all likelihood, Ben was back with his mother, and they just couldn't find her.

 _Please,_ Rey thinks. _Please find me_. _Please come back for me._

 _I love you._

Days continue to tick past. Snoke continues to visit, and Hux tortures her without so much as laying a hand on her. Rey cries for herself, for her son or daughter, as she recites the words to the video she knows so well by now, words she never wants to hear or think again but words her brain insists on repeating.

Captain Phasma enters, carrying Rey's dinner and signifying the end of Hux's videos. Rey sits up, determined not to show that she was crying.

"Bet you're glad to have that off," Phasma comments. Sometimes, she engages Rey in conversation—the only conversations Rey has that aren't about the First Order.

Rey nods. "It's not possible for you to break the wiring, is it?" It's not possible for Rey to. She already tried. Six times.

"It would stop if you'd agree to train with the Supreme Leader."

"No."

"Fine then." Captain Phasma turns to leave as Rey grabs the plate. At least now the nausea's past, so she can enjoy eating again.

Rey gasps as something stirs inside her. Her hand flies to her stomach as she wonders whether she imagined it.

She didn't. Another movement. A kick? A wave? Rey doesn't know.

"Are you all right?"

Phasma. Rey looks up at her, an idea blossoming in her mind. "The baby's moving."

"Truly?" The captain steps closer.

Rey reaches out and takes the Captain's hand, placing it on her stomach. "Well, he—or she—was just moving—oh, there it is!"

She can't see the Captain's face, but she hopes it works. As Phasma removes her armored hand and staggers out of the room, Rey dares to hope.

* * *

"Well then," Snoke says smoothly, rising from his throne. "It seems I will make another journey into the mind of Kylo Ren tonight."

Phasma's heart pounds. She's not used to being so close to the Supreme Leader. "Sir? If I may ask… what are your plans for the girl? After she has the child? If she still won't turn—"

"She will," Hux snarls, sweating profusely. "My methods will work."

"And if they don't?" Phasma counters. She has no pity for the general's fear.

"I will kill her," Snoke says. "And keep the child."

Phasma isn't expecting the pang that hits her, nor the memories of her youngest sister, the girl Phasma's mother died bringing into the world.

 _Tell me about her_ , her sister would plead.

But Phasma hadn't been able to tell her anything, because she never wanted to cry again.

* * *

 **Sorry this chapter is a** **bit** **slow/fluffy. Tomorrow's chapter will have more action. And a lot of feels (maybenotallhappyonesthoughsorry).**


	13. Chapter 12

Even with every Resistance sympathizer in the galaxy on the lookout, there's been no word of Rey besides the snippets Snoke gives him. Snoke's given up talking to him and rejects every word Ben tries to say, but instead shatters into his mind with images of Rey scowling, or Rey wrapping her arms around her stomach, or Rey cursing and yelling. Never crying. If she cries, Ben knows, she'd hide her tears.

 _Please believe in me. I will find you._

The more time Ben spends with her friends, the closer he feels with her. Despite his tentative beginnings, after another month of training, Finn's proving himself quite skilled with the lightsaber.

Still, Ben can tell that they don't fully trust him. Even his mother. They know he's holding something back, but for Rey's sake, Ben doesn't know what else he can do.

 _Is it for Rey's sake? Or your own, because you don't want them to know you've created another mess? A mess that, this time, you can't have Snoke burn away?_

 _Murderer._

Ben clamps his hands over his ears, but the voice is inside his head, and it's not even Snoke's: it's his own.

R2 blips and whirs, asking if Ben's okay. He nods.

The door opens, and C-3PO wobbles in. "R2! There you are. We need you upstairs. Oh—oh, hello, Master Ben!"

"Hello, 3PO." He smirks as he remembers all the pranks he used to play on the golden droid.

"Well, R2 will be back in just a little bit—R2! Wait for me!"

A Wookiee roars. Ben's head snaps up as Chewbacca enters the cell.

This is the first time he's seen his father's oldest friend since the time Chewie shot him with his bowcaster, the same weapon Chewie wrestled out of a curious Ben's five-year-old hands, whimpering in the first and only time Ben's seen him show fear.

And now Ben doesn't know what to say. He thinks of how betrayed Chewie must have felt, watching Ben murder his father, Chewie's dearest friend.

Ben doesn't realize he's backing up until he's against the wall. "I'm sorry," he ekes out. He can't tell if Chewie's approach is menacing or gentle. _At least they monitor these cells._

If Chewie wants to harm him, Ben doesn't blame him. He's assumed Chewie hates him since he hasn't seen the Wookiee over the past months.

 _Months_. Rey's got to be five months along.

With a roar, Chewie charges at him, but instead of punching him or tearing his arms out, Chewie grabs the sides of his face, studying him with a definite glint in his eyes, as if to see whether the face staring back at him belongs to Ben or Kylo Ren.

 _Ben. Mostly. I hope._

Chewie embraces him.

It's so unexpected Ben doesn't know what to do. With his nose crushed against the Wookiee's fur, he wraps his arms around Chewie.

The Wookiee pulls away and sits beside Ben.

 _Do I mention Father?_ "Any news of Rey?" he asks instead.

Chewie moans and shakes his head.

"It's all my fault," he admits out loud, partially because he knows the only other person who can understand Chewie is his mother, and partially because it was to Chewie Ben confided most of his childhood secrets—except the first man he killed, and

 _Murderer._

Chewie snuffles as if to say he already knows it's all Ben's fault.

"There's something you don't know, though," Ben says. "No one does. It's worse than you think. I can't tell them. Rey—I can't—I love her, Chewie."

Chewie turns to stare at him.

"She gave herself to the First Order for me. To protect me." He's crying. "They wanted her, and she was afraid they would kill me. I don't deserve her, Chewie."

Chewie doesn't move. He's like a huge, furry statue. And then he wraps an arm around Ben and pulls him to his side. Ben leans his head against Chewie's shoulder as the words rise up, swooping to the tip of his tongue.

"Rey's pregnant, Chewie. With my child. Snoke wants the baby, I know it. But I can't tell them. She's a Jedi, and—I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless, sitting here, while she's—"

Chewie groans, but under his massive arm, Ben feels no judgment. He doesn't know whether the Wookiee will tell Mother, or if that thought horrifies him or relieves him.

* * *

"Come with me. Now."

Rey leaps up, staring at Captain Phasma. "Where are you taking me?"

Phasma is clearly not used to being questioned. "Just obey me, girl!"

"Are you taking me to Snoke?" Rey demands as Phasma marches forward, grabbing her by the arm and hauling her out of the room.

"Don't ask any more questions," Phasma hisses, pulling Rey down the corridor. "Yes, we're going to the Supreme Leader." Her voice echoes.

"Why?"

"I said no more questions!" Phasma yanks her into a side room lined with blasters. "Take one."

"What?"

"There are a variety of ships, TIE fighters and escape pods, all down towards the center of the ship. I'll take you as far as I can."

Rey grabs the blaster. "Why?" _Is this how Poe felt, when Finn rescued him?_

Phasma shakes her head, face still concealed under the mask. "It doesn't matter."

"Thank you," Rey says, for a lack of anything else, as she stuffs two blasters—one for each hand—into her belt.

"Each ship, whichever you choose, will be outfitted with navigation. You'll have to find your friends on your own."

"You're not coming with me?"

Phasma straightens "I serve the First Order."

"Do you?"

Footsteps resound outside the room. Phasma holds up a hand as they wait for them to pass.

Hope—burning, brutal hope—blooms through Rey. She'll escape or die trying. She might be able to contact Ben again, soon—their child might have a future after all. Or at least, not wind up in Snoke's clutches. Anything would be better than that.

"Let's go."

"Please," Rey begs. "Come with me."

" _No."_ Phasma tightens her grip on Rey's arm. "And stop asking!"

Rey's heart pounds as they approach the hanger. "Which one?" Phasma growls, clutching her shoulder so tightly Rey suspects there will be bruises.

"The TIE fighter. That one, right there." Rey points to the nearest one. It's farther from the exit, but if she can slip in unnoticed… "But how will I be able to fight back if you don't come?"

"How will you be able to leave if I don't authorize your departure?" Phasma marches away from her. "Ten minutes."

Rey breathes deeply before heading down the stairs like she belongs here. Several stormtroopers notice her, but they don't react. Did Snoke not tell them there was a pregnant prisoner? Are pregnant women common on First Order Star Destroyers?

Once she's on the hanger floor, Rey sidles along the wall, determined to avoid more eyes. As if sensing her anxiety, the baby kicks furiously inside her.

She opens the door to the TIE fighter and jumps inside, shutting it and hoping no one was suspicious enough to notify Hux.

"Departure authorized from terminal two," Phasma's voice cuts through the air. Rey presses the buttons and feels the TIE fighter lift off. Exhilarated, Rey aims for the exit point. And she's out. She's in open space, and the TIE fighter flies so fast, and away from Snoke, she calls out to Ben in her mind for the first time.

 _Ben!_

 _Rey! Are you—how—_

 _I'm good. The baby's good, too. I think._

 _How are—_

 _Phasma let me go—I—_

 _Where are you, Rey?_

 _Let me check—we're at the Outer Rim, near—_

A cannon shot slices past her. Rey bites her lip, drawing blood. She twists in her chair, trying to aim the gun and fly at the same time.

 _Rey?_ She can feel his panic, his almost hope, his fear of hoping—

And then a shot rips through the TIE fighter's wing. _Shit!_

 _What's going on, Rey?_

Another cannon shot. Rey flies forward, her head slamming into the controls. Ben's voice disappears, and everything goes black.

* * *

She wakes up as stormtroopers are extracting her from the TIE fighter. _No. No! Ben?_

Silence.

Hux's arm clasps her elbow, dragging her to her feet. Dizzy, Rey feels her forehead and her hand comes away bloody.

Her abdomen feels still. Terror like Rey's never known hits her, clearing away the dizziness. _Please. Please—baby—_

 _You failed._

Reality clamps down on her. She hasn't escaped. She's still trapped with the First Order. Rey's legs almost give out on her.

"Oh, no you don't," Hux snarls, dragging her down into the maze of hallways.

"Let me go!"

"Say that once more and I'll put a bullet right here!" Hux jabs his blaster into Rey's stomach.

The baby kicks at the intrusion, and a waterfall of relief cascades over her. _You're alive. You're alive!_

Hux throws her to her knees. The black marble floor tells Rey whose presence she's in.

"We recaptured her, Supreme Leader," Hux reports. "And the traitor."

Stormtroopers enter, throwing down a bound Captain Phasma. Her mask crushed around her face, Phasma makes a choking sound.

"Rey Kenobi. I was beginning to wonder when you'd try to escape." Snoke drifts over to her. Rey knows she shouldn't, but she glares up at him anyways, hoping her hate is as clear as it can be. Because she hates this creature, this decrepit, monstrous—

"But you weren't content to only injure yourself in your futile endeavor." Snoke tsks. "You had to take one of my best captains down with you."

"That's not—" Rey stops. "She didn't—"

"I know _exactly_ what she did, Rey Kenobi. Another one of my favorites, corrupted and seduced by sentiment."

"By decency, you mean?" she retorts.

" _I_ haven't been, Supreme Leader. And I won't be!" Hux cries, looking to his master as if his master were a father, were a savior.

"Silence." The Supreme Leader waves his hand, and Rey freezes, unable to move anything but her eyes and her lungs.

"I thought you'd change. I had hope for you, Rey." Snoke brings his face close to hers, and it's more terrible than when Kylo Ren threatened her with his lightsaber on Takodana. "Just like I had hope for your mother."

 _What?_ His hold loosens. She wiggles her jaw, her tongue.

Snoke cackles. "Yes, I knew your mother. I had my eyes on you from the beginning. A descendent of Obi-Wan Kenobi? You would make a perfect Knight of Ren. Better than Kylo Ren, even."

"Ben Solo," she spits out, and Snoke whirls on her, seizing her throat so tightly she cannot breathe, cannot move her eyes, cannot do anything but look into his enraged, decaying, eager face.

"Your mother refused to give you to me. She gave you to Luke instead. I tracked her down. I killed her." Snoke grins, revealing a black mouth with unnatural teeth. "I won't be making the same mistake with you. I will take your child, and I will raise it from the Dark Side and teach it to harness the Light only when necessary. You won't meet your child, if that's what it takes! I will create a gray Force user, unlike anything the world has ever seen before. I will teach it to balance the Force, and through that, rule and conquer and _bring everything under my submission!"_

He lets her go. Rey gags, sucking in air and trembling. Tears stream down her face. _I won't let you. I won't._

"You don't have to let me. _I will do_. And you won't be able to stop me, and Kylo Ren won't be able to stop me, and Luke Skywalker won't be able to stop me. No one can help you now. Do you understand that? You're as alone as you've ever been." Snoke laughs. "You're the only one who can help you now. Choose the Dark."

She shakes her head.

"You still hope they will find you," Snoke purrs. "How sweet. How innocent. Just like you always hoped your family would come for you on Jakku, this hope will prove fruitless. I _will_ hunt down every last Jedi, including Kylo Ren. I will kill Luke like I killed your mother, like I killed the woman he loved—"

 _What?_

Luke was in love? Why hadn't he ever told her?

"And I will do to your child what I did to his," Snoke sneers. "Only far, far worse."

Luke has a child? _Does he know?_

 _No,_ Rey knows.

"If wiping out everyone you love is the only way to turn you, I will do it. If making sure your child grows up unloved is the only way to ensure his or her path down the Dark Side, I assure you, I will ensure this." Snoke laughs again. Through his guffaws, he motions to Hux. "Kill her."

Rey flinches, but Hux marches away from her and kneels by Phasma. Almost gently, he removes her mask, and Rey sees the captain's face for the first time. Without the bruises, she would have been beautiful.

Phasma looks up at Hux, and Rey wants to scream, wants to beg her to look at Hux in _defiance_ , at least, but all Phasma's face reflects is defeat.

Until she looks at Rey, and smiles, at once defiant and reassuring.

Hux shoots her.

Snoke lets go of Rey finally, and her screams fill the air, echoing and echoing in the cavernous room. The stormtroopers latch onto her arms, but Rey's still screaming, still screaming. Hux's face takes on a strangely ashen pallor.

" _You!"_ Rey shrieks. "Is this what you want to do? Tear apart families? Kill—"

"Shut her up!" Hux barks.

" _Monster!"_ she screams at Hux.

" _No!"_ he screeches. "Shut her up, shut her up—Supreme Leader—"

But Snoke is still laughing, shallow, cracked rumbles that reverberate through the room. Hux races out, past Rey, shouting for the stormtroopers to lock Rey back in her room.

The baby kicks more than ever. As soon as the stormtroopers drop Rey inside, she wraps her arms around her bump. "I won't let them," she vows, even though she doesn't know how the hell she'll keep such a promise.

* * *

 **I'M SO SORRY.**

 **Hope is coming. I promise.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Slight trigger warning for allusions to/discussion of past abuse in this chapter.**

* * *

Chewie beside him, Ben races into the control room. Admiral Ackbar leaps up. "You!"

Chewie growls and steps menacingly towards the admiral.

"What is it, Ben?" Mother asks. Finn and Poe gape at him.

"Rey escaped—for a minute. And then they caught her again." Or else they killed her, but no—that's not possible, Ben would've felt it. Snoke wouldn't miss the opportunity to torture him.

"Snoke told you this?" Mother frowns.

"No—Rey. She—I could hear her."

"Are you saying you and Rey are Force-bonded?" Admiral Ackbar demands.

Ben nods. "They're in the Outer Rim."

"Well, that narrows it down," scoffs Ackbar.

Ben deflates. BB-8 rolls over to him and leans against his leg. "But—"

Chewie roars.

"I think we might want to consider having Ben work with us," Luke says.

"I agree," Lando says. "He has inside knowledge. He's more familiar with common locations. If we work together, if we use his intelligence—if he can help us analyze what we have—" He jabs his thumb at Ben. "We might be able to find Rey faster."

"I agree," says Luke. "You've made use of Finn's intelligence. Why not Ben's?"

"Because Finn wasn't a mass murderer, or Snoke's personal pet," snaps Ackbar.

Chewie snarls at the creature.

"I know what I was," Ben says. "But I'm not Kylo Ren. Not anymore. Please—I want to help. I came here to find Rey. I want to find her."

"And I worked on that weapon that killed the New Republic," Finn chimes in. "In theory, I killed people too." He looks at Ben as if expecting a high-five.

"I think we can chance it," Poe says. "We can still lock him up at night if you're worried about him stabbing you after dark, Ackbar."

Ben's vision clouds, and in his mind he sees Rey—a gash on her temple, blood caked to her hair, receiving treatment from a medical droid. Her hands fold over her stomach, and her expression is of complete defiance.

 _Snoke!_ he calls wildly. _Snoke—Supreme Leader!_

No response. The image fades.

"Rey?" Luke asks.

"She's okay," Ben breathes. "For now." He looks to Chewie, who shrugs as it to say, _you need to tell them yourself._

He shakes his head. _I can't. Not now._

Chewie growls, but he doesn't tell them, and guilt gnaws at Ben. Guilt, and also something far more benevolent: trust.

* * *

"You know nothing about me," seethes Hux.

Rey crosses her arms. It's been two weeks since her escape attempt, and in that time, no one—not even Snoke—has attempted to speak with her. Until today. Until General Hux, whom she can never forget murdering Captain Phasma.

"I know you're a murderer."

"Executioner," Hux corrects her.

"There's no difference."

"Yes, there is. I was following orders."

"It doesn't excuse you. You still killed her."

Hux splutters. "Why are you so difficult?"

"Why are you even _talking_ to me?" Rey spits back. "I have to listen to your voice enough!"

Hux straightens, hands folded behind his back. "Snoke said to stop the videos."

"Thank goodness," Rey snaps, even though she fears this means Snoke's giving up. Which is what she wants. Although, if Ben doesn't come soon… she'll lose her child.

 _No. Even if Snoke takes you,_ Rey promises. _I'll come back for you. I'll_ actually _come back for you._

"I want you to stop treating me with such disrespect!" Hux shouts.

"If you want my respect, you'd have to earn it. Which you haven't." Rey hesitates before adding: "Yet."

Hux rolls his eyes. "I should expect nothing less from a whore of Ren's."

"A _what?"_ Rey glares at him.

"Ren isn't capable of caring about anyone besides himself," Hux informs her. "No matter what he's said. He's also quite skilled at manipulation. I believe you've seen some of that yourself."

Rey closes her eyes. "You're wrong. He's changed."

Hux snorts. "People don't change."

"Don't they?" Rey raises her eyebrows. "Does the number FN-2187 sound familiar? He goes by Finn now."

Hux slaps her. Rey tumbles to the ground, clutching her cheek.

"I'm sorry," Hux mutters, looking down at his boots.

And Rey responds the only way she can: she pushes into his mind. Hux gasps, trying desperately to resist her—but he can't, he doesn't have the Force, he's no match.

Dozens of images flash through Rey's mind. A small boy, hair red and unkempt, mud splashed over his clothes and rubbed on his cheeks, running through pristine gardens overflowing with gold and magenta and crimson flowers. The boy bursts through an elaborately carved archway, skittering across tiles and into a shadowed room. And a man, the same height as Hux now and with the same fiery hair, but with a broader build, looks down at the boy and the filth in disgust. Without a word, his fist flies out and knocks the boy to the floor. _Clean it up!_

And the boy's clutched in the arms of a woman with mousy brown hair and dull eyes. She plants kiss after kiss on his cheeks. "You deserve so much better. You'll make him proud, someday."

Voices swirl around Rey, one Hux's, but squeaking and breaking in places: _I'll be somebody someday, you watch!_ And another voice, laughing as cruelly as Snoke had, but it's not Snoke, no—it's the man, Rey knows without seeing him.

She feels it all, too: the insatiable desire for _more_ , more power, the undercurrents of confidence in himself, in his stormtrooper program, in his brainwashing, the wild and desperate desire to please warring with his desire to rule.

And the fear, too, quiet but pernicious: _you will never be all you could be. FN-2187. The Starkiller. The girl._

Hux is screaming now, and the sound jerks Rey out of his mind. She stares, unashamed.

Flustered, Hux staggers back, wiping at his face, his already perfect hair and immaculate uniform. "You—you— _bitch!"_

"You're the one who hit me!"

Hux flaps his hands, turning on his heel to leave, turning back to her, to leave again, and back again.

"Don't ever do that again." It's supposed to be a command. It comes out a plea.

Rey lifts her chin and doesn't answer.

Hux storms out.

* * *

"Back to jail," Poe sings to Ben that night.

Ben glowers at him. Poe shrugs. "I don't make the rules."

"You did suggest it," Finn points out.

"Thanks a lot, Finn."

"No problem." Finn tosses a dinner roll between his hands, the grin that never fails to lift Poe's spirits parting his lips. "I'll be down in a few minutes, okay, Ben?" He imitates lightsaber noises, and Ben rolls his eyes.

BB-8 bobbles along behind them, singing the same song Finn and Poe had been singing over the food. With the help of ale.

"How's he doing? With the training?" Poe asks.

"Pretty good, actually."

"For someone who doesn't have the Force, that is," Poe muses.

Ben doesn't answer.

"Thanks for doing it. For him. I know he looks forward to it."

Ben turns to peer at Poe.

"What? Don't you try your creepy mind thing on me again. BB-8 will sting you. Won't you, BB-8?"

The droid nods, sticking out his fiery thumb to agree. Ben laughs. Poe joins.

"So…" Ben says as Poe punches the code. "Why don't you just tell him?"

"Tell who? Tell what?" Poe enters the cell before his prisoner. _Not smart, Dameron._

Ben follows, though. Because, as much as Poe hates to admit it, the guy has changed. For the better. Who would've thought.

"Finn," Ben says.

"Finn what? Tell Finn what? I don't understand what you—what you're—you're not making any sense, buddy."

Ben's eyebrows fly up at Poe's term of endearment, and that's enough to make Poe want to kick himself. _It just slipped out. Control yourself, Dameron. Don't let him set you on edge._

Ben sits on the cot and leans forward, resting his chin on his fist. "I think you know what I'm talking about perfectly well."

"Well, _I_ know you have feelings for Rey." Poe has no idea, actually. But Finn says so.

The kind, curious expression on Ben's face tightens into a glare.

 _Oh my—he_ does. _Finn was right_. Poe doesn't like it. Not one bit. He glances to BB-8, who gazes at Ben with rapture as if that revelation's just wonderful. _Not cool, droid._

"Why? Is it because of how beautiful she is? I mean, it's impressive that you have feelings for anyone, because quite frankly I thought that was impossible for years before I even met you. And, let me tell you, no matter how you've changed, I do not support—"

"Quit deflecting," Ben retorts, hands clenching. One fist traces his side.

"I'm not. Deflecting. I'm not deflecting. There's nothing to deflect."

Ben leans back, swinging his absurdly long legs. "Suit yourself. Be miserable for the rest of your life."

"Like you?" Poe's grasping at any darts he can and throwing them, hoping one of them will hit the right target and he can escape. But he also doesn't want to escape. Another part of him begs for Ben to tell him what he wants to hear, and Poe hates himself for it.

"Why don't you just tell him?" Ben asks again, so—kindly. He's being _kind_. Kylo Ren is the one being kind, and Poe is being mean.

 _Dammit._

The façade drips away. Poe doesn't have the energy to hold it up any longer. "Because I don't want risk it. Losing his respect. If I tell him, I could lose his respect, his friendship—and those mean so much to me."

"What if he reciprocates?" Ben questions.

"He doesn't. Why would he?" Poe paces.

"When I first met you—" Ben decides to be honest. "When I looked inside your mind, I saw an optimist."

"So?" Poe asks.

"You're not acting like an optimist right now. You're afraid."

Poe grips his head, fingers digging through his thick hair. "Are you in my head right now?"

"If I was, you would know."

"I'm here!" announces Finn as the door opens. Ben narrows his lips and drops his eyebrows as he stares at Poe.

"Great," Ben says finally, sighing, when Poe says nothing. "Here, take the lightsaber and—"

"Can I stay?" Poe interrupts, riding the Ben Solo wave of inspiration and stupidity. "And watch?"

"If you don't mind seeing me make a fool of myself." Finn laughs.

"He doesn't mind," Ben says slyly, and that's too much. That's too far. Poe's going to have to throttle the General's son.

Except as Poe moves towards him, Ben's jaw drops, and he clutches his head.

"Snoke," Poe breathes. "Finn—"

BB-8 spins and rolls towards the door.

"No!" Ben screams.

* * *

He's screaming out loud. He's screaming in his head, and Snoke laughs and laughs.

 _I mean it, Kylo Ren. She goes to the Dark Side, or I will kill her and raise the child. I think it's a lot more likely to follow me, don't you? Your child will achieve levels of power you never could, because your child will not desire the Light—it will use the Light, but never allow it to corrupt him. Or her._

"No! No, please!" _Take me, take me instead_ , he pleads. _I'll go back to the Dark Side._ For love. For Rey. For their child.

 _That's an interesting proposition. But I've seen what you can offer me_.

Something crashes. Mother. Mother and Luke are here, and Ben catches sight of Luke stretching his hands out towards Ben, who writhes away, tears leaking from his eyes as he sobs.

A distinct pressure enters Ben's brain, far more powerful than just Snoke's probe. Snoke's voice lessens, but Ben can still hear it.

 _You're weak, pathetic, ungrateful for all the power I have shown you, for all the help I've given you! I ordered Tygo Ren to help you burn Xin's body, remember? The Knights of Ren have always been looking out for you. I thought you were the perfect apprentice after killing him. And the perfect secret-keeper._

The other presence seeps closer, but it can't shut out Snoke.

 _Try to run away, Kylo Ren. Keep running. But you'll find that the Light Side will spit you out, because you'll never be anything but a murderer. You've never been anything else since you were eight years old._

 _Murderer._

And then he's gone, and Ben can breathe. He cracks his eyes open again— _when did I shut them?—_ and tries to push out the echo.

 _Murderer._

 _Murderer._

And then he sees the look on Uncle Luke's face, and he realizes what the other presence was.

Luke was in his head.

Luke _knows_.

Ben's hands fly up to cover his face, and he doubles over, inconsolable.

"What was he talking about, Ben?" Luke whispers.

" _Murderer._ I'm a murderer."

"We know that," Poe says drolly.

"Poe!" Finn chastises him.

"No, but Ben— _we know that._ And we're all still here, and you're helping us, and we're helping you—it's not that we don't care, but more like we're—we're moving past that. Slowly. At our own paces."

Something snuffles. Ben lifts his head to see Chewie ducking under the doorway, Poe looking at him with an almost pleading look on his face, Finn's brow knotted with concern, and Mother clutching his hands and Luke watching him with an expression Ben can't quite read—horror? Sorrow? For what Ben's done, or for Ben himself?

BB-8 blips and rolls over, leaning its head against Ben's shoulder.

 _Murderer._

 _I don't deserve this—none of them._

Behind Chewie, Lando enters. "Heard Snoke was back…" His voice falters.

"You were in my head," Ben says to Luke. "How?"

"I learned how at the Jedi temple. I didn't want to—I've never done that before. Used it."

"You were screaming so loudly, Ben," Mother cuts in. "I told Luke to help you."

"What did you see?" _If he saw Rey…_

Luke swallows. "Who is Xin, Ben?"

 _He didn't hear anything about Rey,_ Ben realizes, relieved but also nauseated by what Luke _did_ hear.

"Xin Kadu?" Mother asks. "The tutor from Yavin 4?"

"Xin Kadu?" Poe says, frowning.

"He's the one who died in that fire," Lando remembers. He glances at Ben, no doubt recalling the moment he found Ben curled in a fetal position under that tree.

" _Ben, come on. It's all right."_

" _It's not—it's not. There's a fire. He's burning."_

" _It's awful. But it's not your fault."_

Except it was.

"I killed him. I murdered him." Ben looks straight into his mother's eyes, into Luke's, so that they can see the truth."Tygo Ren came… he helped me burn the body." He knows Mother will recognize Tygo Ren's name, because she'd always been suspicious of the New Republic Senator.

 _He deserved it._ Snoke's voice, a memory from long ago. And Ben still believes that, and he hates himself for it.

 _You shouldn't show off your powers,_ Mother had told him the day before Xin Kadu died. _Control them._

"Snoke sent him?" Mother asks. Her voice is low but throbbing with all sorts of anger.

 _Probably_. Ben laughs. It sounds hollow, reckless, unhinged. "Now, you see. I've always been a murderer, a liar..." He bunches his fist, straining against the urge to hit himself in the side.

"You were what, eight?" Poe says.

He'd thrown tantrums in the months afterwards, and Mother and Father always looked at him with disappointment, disappointment that he couldn't control anything—the Force, his emotions. When Mother suggested sending him off, Father disagreed—but only because "the kid's unstable."

 _But Luke is back, more determined than ever to star up a new Jedi Order—he says the galaxy_ needs _the Jedi. Ben would be perfect._

Even then, Ben knew he wouldn't be, and despite his pleas and his fits of screaming, they sent him away to a place where he didn't fit in, and didn't want to try.

 _They didn't want you anymore. They wanted to rid themselves of you because you were a burden. You held them back from becoming all they could become. Just like you're holding back Rey._

 _Your mother doesn't want you even today. How could she?_

"How did it happen?" Lando asks.

" _Why?"_ Mother intercedes.

The strings holding him back snap. "Because he deserved it." He wants them to hate him. He was to be callous. And he also wants to throw himself at their feet—or knees, since they're all sitting on the floor—and beg. _Don't give up on me._

His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth. He shakes his head.

"You don't know?"

"I—" he chokes. "I didn't _mean_ to do it. He was—I mean—I—"

"I remember Xin Kadu," Poe intones. Every head swivels to look at the pilot, who stares at Ben with nothing but pity, and that pity—it grates against Ben because he doesn't _want_ it, but he needs it, and he can either cling to it as his lifeline or thrash and drown.

"You knew him?" Ben asks.

Poe shrugs. "I knew _of_ him." His eyes search Ben's, and he grimaces.

"What?" demands Mother.

Ben keeps his face impassive as he watches Poe. Silently, he imagines their conversation: _Who talks first?_

Poe jerks his head and mutters that there were rumors about Xin Kadu and his tutoring.

" _What rumors?"_ Mother persists.

Tears sting Ben's eyes. "The rumors were true."

"What rumors?" Now Luke's asking, urgent and anxious.

"Shit." Poe drags his hands through his hair again and again. "Shit. Okay. I _heard_ rumors that this Kadu fellow—that he—that he hurt—"

"He tried," Ben interrupts. "I threw him against the wall. With the Force." And there was so much blood, and within seconds eight-year-old Ben was screaming, terrified of what had almost happened to him, terrified of what he'd done, until Tygo Ren burst through the door and Ben thought he was finished, he'd be hanged or locked up for sure now and he'd never see his parents again. But Tygo put his hands on Ben's shoulders and assured him: _I'll take care of it. Get out of here. You don't want them to see what you've done._

 _He was watching me,_ Ben thinks. _Snoke. All along. He wanted to make me into a murderer._

Chewie lets out a savage yell.

"That's self-defense, though!" Finn explodes.

Ben feels her hands, his mother's hands, on his face, pulling him out of his stupor. "Why didn't you tell us?"

He shakes his head. He can't answer. He won't.

"If you hadn't killed him, Han would have," offers Lando. The Wookiee grunts. "Or Chewie."

" _Not helping_ ," hisses Mother.

R2 bleeps sadly, a message. _I'm sorry._ For what?

For failing to protect him.

 _This is the Light. When people see you as you are, and they still care, they still love you._

But a part of Ben still holds back.

* * *

His sister scowls at the dark silhouettes of X-wings and other starfighters. "What?"

"I'd need to leave."

She laughs. "You're _asking_ me now?" And, in the undercurrents, Luke hears her unspoken meaning: _always when I need you most._

The night air bristles against his the back of his neck, ruffling through his Jedi robes. "Only for a week. Maybe less. Leia, I want to find Maz Kanata."

"Maz Kanata," she repeats. "Why?"

"I know she makes you think of Han—"

"Oh, for pity's sake, why does every man in the galaxy seem to think I want to forget the people that I miss? I don't _hate_ being reminded of Han, Luke. I see Han every day when I see my son. He may not realize it—he may not even entirely look like him—but I see it in his voice, in his words, in his heart."

"He does tend to be snarky," Luke concurs.

Leia looks up at the sky. Clouds swarm it, jostling with each other and blocking out any hint of the moon and stars. "Why Maz?"

"Because she's also a Force user. And she has connections—more than we have. She might be able to help lead us to Rey." Luke swallows. Considering what lengths Snoke went to in his quest to manipulate Ben, he can't bear to think about what he's doing to Rey. "She's not my daughter, Leia, but she's the closest thing I have to one. I feel responsible for her. I'm surprised Obi-Wan's ghost hasn't appeared in all these months to threaten me."

Leia nods. "Have you seen Maz at all the past twenty years?"

"No. Not since I started the Jedi academy."

"And gave up your wild ways." Leia winks. "I still remember that girl—what was her name?"

Luke doesn't want to speak about her, but his brain travels back years, to the night when Maz introduced him to Nishi at her cantina. Nishi had been dancing, and the lights glowed against her dark skin.

And then she was gone, claiming that she didn't want to hold him back from his destiny as a Jedi.

And then, as Luke heard, she was dead. And when the padawans lay dead around him years later and Luke realized he'd failed his nephew in a way he hadn't even failed his father, he left.

He isn't going to abandon Rey.

"Please," Luke says, haunted. "Please trust me. We need Maz. This—this new awakening in the Force—I feel it's increased. I've been feeling it since before we even arrived on King Prana's planet. Maz might feel it too—she's more trained than you—and she might have some wisdom to offer."

"Is it connected to Rey?"

"Possibly. I don't know."

Leia wraps her arm around him and leans her head against his shoulder. "I trust you."

"He's still holding something back from us, Leia," Luke says. A fat droplet of rain splats against Luke's forehead.

"I know. I may not be trained, but I can sense it too." Leia pulls away as more rain begins to pitter-patter against the wings of the starfighters. "Was I a terrible mother?"

"What? Leia, no! Of course not! Why would you—"

"Why did he feel like he couldn't tell me these things?"

"It was Snoke. Not you. It was always Snoke."

"I'd like to think that." Leia bites her lip as Luke motions for them to head inside. "But it wasn't just Snoke. It was Snoke, and Ben himself, and me and Han also."


	15. Chapter 14

_Did you mean it?_

The voice saunters into Ben's mind as he dresses in the morning. Luke left two weeks earlier.

 _Mean what?_ he responds, shirt in his hands. He needs to stay calm.

 _You'd trade yourself for her._

 _Yes. Yes, I meant it._ The Light twinges inside him, warning him, but Ben doesn't care. If his life, if his goodness and his happiness, can buy Rey her freedom, buy their child from a life under Snoke's foot, he'll trade it. He'll give anything.

 _Because it's a tempting proposition,_ Snoke answers. _It might just save Rey, and your baby._

 _You'd let her go?_

 _No. I would let you raise the child. From the Dark Side._

That's not really raising their child, Ben knows. They'd be puppets, Snoke's dancing dolls.

 _Fine,_ Snoke sneers. _You saw how lonely she is. Show her once more that her loved ones will always abandon her. That may well suit my own purposes._

 _No!_ Ben swallows, forcing himself to _act normal, act normal, don't clue anyone in,_ as he slips his shirt over his head.

 _You still hope your friends in the Resistance will rescue her,_ Snoke purrs. _How sweet. And how like you. How ignorant. You know, in your heart, that if you haven't found the slightest trace of her yet, you won't find her. Not in time._

 _Where are you?_ Ben asks directly.

Snoke howls with laughter, and Ben doubles over, pretending to adjust his belt with his shaking fingers.

 _Nice try. If you go out further in the Outer Rim, though, I think I can assure you that we will pick you up._

And Snoke whisks himself away, leaving Ben to ponder his choices.

Rey will kill him. He knows she will.

But he can't let Snoke do to her what he did to Ben. Or to their child.

With Luke gone on some quest to find a space pirate, Ben doesn't know what other choices he has. It's been weeks since Luke left. Rey will be what, almost seven months now? He doesn't have much time.

"Good morning!" sings Finn as he strolls through the door. "Ben? You okay?"

Ben nods. Inside, something latches into place. He's made his decision. "Finn? Why don't we practice outside today?"

* * *

"What do you want?" Rey demands as Hux stands before her, hands clasped oh-so-primly behind his back. She's exhausted and can barely sleep for two hours at a time. "If you're here to give me another First Order spiel, save it."

Hux glowers at her. Since he murdered Captain Phasma, he's been delivering all of Rey's meals with a speech, personally delivered. She's not impressed.

Although, sometimes he asks how she's feeling, in his cold, staccato voice. Other times, he furiously demands to know why she isn't giving up, isn't giving in to Snoke's demands. And her answer is always the same: _he'll come back for me._

 _You already know the truth. He's never coming back._

 _No. That's_ not _true, it's not_ true, _it's not!_

"You know Snoke plans to let you die, if there are complications at the birth," Hux says.

The bread stalls in her mouth. "I didn't, actually. Thanks for informing me." _That won't happen,_ she tells herself, tells her baby.

"You won't even turn if it could save your life?"

She glares at him, swallowing and reaching for a piece of green meat. It's tangy and bitter, tough to chew.

"Surely letting a child grow up in Snoke's care is better than the alternative. You'd still be involved, in some ways," he cajoles.

"I know what it's like to grow up alone," Rey shoots back. "But I still had choices. I had my freedom. And that was painful, but I think I grew up okay."

Hux sniffs. "Typical Resistance attitude."

Rey smiles. "Really?"

"Resistance _scum_."

"Well, I'd rather my child be raised by Unkar Plutt on Jakku than Snoke." And she does. Although, part of Rey wonders whether the reason she is who she is stems from the fact that she always had that _hope_ to cling to, the hope that someone would return.

Hux scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous. Surely—"

"Growing up alone is better than growing up with a cruel father. Or father figure," she snaps, watching as her words find their target. Crimson rages through Hux's cheeks. "Don't you think?" she asks. "Isn't it better for a child to imagine they _could_ make someone happy, if only that someone were around to see it, than to know they'll never even come close to making the parent who's right there proud of them?"

"Talk to me like that again," Hux says. "And I will tear your tongue out, pregnant or not!" He whirls around on his boot, stomping towards the door.

"I'm sorry!" she calls, compunction kicking her.

"That's what they all say when they're afraid," he taunts, facing her with a smirk.

"No—" Rey rises. Not an easy task these days. "I _am_ sorry. You didn't deserve to be treated the way your father treated you."

"What—I—you—" Spluttering, Hux marches over to her, hand raised as if to strike her. Rey cringes and waits for the blow, but it never comes.

"Fuck you," Hux spits as he turns and leaves.

* * *

 _She's right,_ Hux assures himself. _She's right. You didn't deserve that._ He's always known. It's what's hunted him through his daydreams, starting when he was a toddler: himself, ruling the galaxy, with his father at his feet.

 _You think too much of yourself, boy,_ scoffed his father to Hux's declaration of future greatness.

 _No,_ Hux seethes to a ghost, to a man long dead. _You think too little of me_.

But the ghost won't leave Hux. It moans, pressing itself against his skull, bleeding silver memories.

 _Oh, darling, what about the boy? He's your son, you take care of him. Me? I have to deal with him for weeks at time, while you're gallivanting around the galaxy! He's a good boy, he just needs your guidance!_

 _The boy could be someone. But in my shadow, I'm afraid he just doesn't have the motivation._ Said right in front of Hux.

 _I can hear you!_ the nine-year-old boy wanted to scream _. I can hear you!_ And so he did scream, and his father's fist swung out and caught him in the right eye.

Hux flinches, his hand covering his eye even now. _Go away!_ He stumbles as he tries to run down the corridor.

"Sir?" A stormtrooper stares at him. Hux can't see through that infernal white mask— _infernal, why would you say that—think that—shit!_ —

"I'm fine," Hux says shortly, even though he's not. _I'm going mad._ _That girl—her powers—she's driving me mad!_

And madness is something Hux can't abide. He _needs_ to be in control.

But he won't be. Firstly, because of Ren. And now the girl. And later, her brat—Ren's kid, too, because fate seems to love twisting Hux about and knotting him up, trapping him, strangling him. _I should be your apprentice!_ he wants to scream to the Supreme Leader.

"General!" The Supreme Leader's voice booms, and Hux follows it.

"I have news. We must inform Rey Kenobi immediately."

What could be so important the Supreme Leader must be there? _Or maybe—maybe he doesn't trust you anymore. Maybe you'll be demoted soon enough_. "What news, Supreme Leader?" _I've sacrificed so much, you can't take that away!_

The Supreme Leader opens Rey's cell, marching in first. Hux follows. His usual ice-cold calm is replaced with a boiling, bubbling fury, and he doesn't understand it and it frightens him.

"I have news for you," the Supreme Leader announces.

"What?" Rey pushes her plate away from her, apprehensive. Her gaze flicks over to Hux as if he's the comforting presence here. Hux doesn't want to be comforting. He wants to be menacing. _Dammit!_

"Kylo Ren is coming back. You and your child may be able to live after all. If I cannot persuade you to turn to the Dark Side—and my General cannot either—"

Hux breathes in. _This cannot be happening._

"Perhaps _he_ will," Snoke concludes.

The girl's eyes are wide with terror, with fear, because through the Force or whatever, she knows Snoke is telling the truth. Although still, some hope sparkles across her face, and Hux hates her for it.

When Snoke departs, Hux stands stiffer than ever, because if he so much as twitches a muscle, he might explode. For the first time, he wants to lose himself in a tantrum and smash things up with a burning red fire stick.

* * *

"I'm so sorry," Ben breathes to Finn as he uses the Force to freeze his friend. _His friend_. "I have to," he tries to explain. "It's the only way to save Rey. Maybe. If I go, Snoke will take us both—we might be able to escape together." He shakes his head. "I can't let her suffer any more. I'm sorry. Tell my mother I love her."

Finn's eyes smolder, but Ben breaks away, heading towards the nearest starfighter. He carries his own lightsaber, cracked and flawed, but he leaves Rey's. He can't risk Snoke getting his hands on that.

 _You're pathetic,_ Ben tells himself as he climbs into the starfighter, staring at the controls. He's never flown one of these before. Maybe there's a tracker? If there is, he won't protest. That could lead the Resistance to Rey, to him, and they could be rescued…

 _Don't count on it,_ he reminds himself.

"What the blazes are you doing?" Admiral Ackbar squawks.

 _Shit._

A scrawny red arm tears him out of the starfighter and thrusts him against the side. His head bangs against the metal.

"Traitor!" shouts a pilot, a woman with dark hair.

"I knew it," says another.

"I'll get the General," says Ackbar. "Hold him there!"

Ben could use the Force to send them all flying, and he sees that they know that as well. But he can't. Rey would never forgive that. His mother would never forgive that. He slumps against the starfighter, head hanging.

"I knew we shouldn't have trusted him," growls a creature with blue skin.

"That wasn't—I mean, I was—"

"Smart of you, wasn't it? Got all our plans and everything!" shouts the girl.

Fear prickles up Ben's spine.

The blue creature punches him across the face, and before Ben can think about it, he retaliates, sending the blue creature toppling to the ground.

"No!" screams the girl. "Help! _Help!"_

"I didn't—are you okay?" Ben gasps out. _They're not going to believe me._

More pilots, a dozen, maybe more, swarm, all dressed in orange. When they see their friend on the ground, a collective howl rises even as the blue creature gets to its feet.

"You manipulative, sneaky—" One of them hits Ben across the face with a blaster. Salty, bitter blood fills his mouth as a boot flies into his ribs.

 _Use the Force—no, don't—_

"What the hell are you doing?" Another voice, his salvation, rings out. Poe Dameron soars into the fray, shoving the blue creature aside.

"He was trying to escape!" yells the girl. "Ackbar caught him! He was going back to the First Order!"

"That's not true," Poe scoffs, and his words fall on Ben like acid. _"Hey!"_ Poe grabs another pilot who kicks at Ben's face.

"You're just as bad," snaps the girl, and she punches Poe.

Chaos erupts. A Wookiee snarls, and Ben sees Chewie's enormous legs plant in front of him.

 _No. No. It's a lie, you're fighting for a lie!_ "Stop!" Ben screams, leaping to his feet and shoving against the sea of orange. _Get away from them—get away from my friends—don't make them suffer for me!_ He doesn't use the Force, or his lightsaber. Screams and curses reverberate through the air as allies tear each other apart.

Poe gets a blaster smashed against his face and goes down. In less than a second, he's back up.

"Stop it, Poe!" Ben shouts, grabbing his friend. Chewie roars and sends a pilot who was about to take a baton to Ben's knee flying into the next starfighter. "You don't—"

Another blaster crashes into Poe's skull. _"Poe!"_

The girl pilot shoves herself at Ben, slamming her elbow in his stomach and digging into his belt. She pulls out the lightsaber. Ben sees Poe stagger to his feet and lunge at her, only to be knocked down again. BB-8 arrives, squealing and stinging, under someone kicks the droid.

"Let's see how you like it," she seethes, switching it on. Heat sears Ben's face. "Or how you look with another scar."

Behind her, Ben sees Finn running and guilt erases the dread from his own lightsaber.

And the lightsaber tears out of the girl's hand, flying into Finn's.

"What the—?" The girl whips about, and Chewie uses the opportunity to knock her to the ground.

"What in the hell is going on?" shrieks Mother's voice.

"Oh, shit," mutters Poe, wiping at the blood streaming from his nose.

Finn looks at the lightsaber in his hand and looks at Ben. He raises his eyebrows as if to ask, _you?_

Ben shakes his head.

* * *

"You are all—go! Get out of my sight!" Mother waves her arms.

"Really, it was disgraceful," agrees C-3PO, golden arms on his hips as he surveys the lot of feuding pilots with judgment.

"Not you," Mother adds, pointing to Ben.

Poe holds an ice pack against his face. "Sorry, General." He glares at Ben as he storms out. His reaction is better than Chewie's, though. Chewie won't even look at Ben.

Finn glances back, confusion still written all over his face. Right now, Ben probably owes Finn his life more than anyone. Finn told them what Ben had said, backing up Ben's story that he was just trying to rescue Rey.

"Of all the dishonest—" Mother begins as soon as the door shuts. "Do you have any idea—"

"I'm sorry. I—I had to try—Rey—he might trade her for me—"

"Stop." Mother's voice is harsh. "I know you're lying to me, Ben Solo. I can tell you weren't planning to join forces with him again, though, though whatever you were thinking, it wasn't trading Rey for you. And I know you won't tell me whatever your real logic was behind this, if there was any—am I right?"

He says nothing.

She sighs in disgust. "Do you have _any_ idea how precarious your position here is?"

He points to his swelling eye. "Yes."

"This is not a joke." She glares at him, swallowing as if tying to reign in tears. "Did you see what happened? Do you see how much they trust you? Finn, Poe, Chewie, BB-8—and for you to go and do _this_ , betray that trust—"

"I thought it was the right thing to do," Ben whispers. He feels so confused, so torn up inside. Had he really? He remembers the look on Poe's face when Ben admitted he had been trying to leave, the complete and utter shock. Bile surges up his throat. "I thought—I thought I could help her."

"Good job," Mother says sarcastically.

A face appears behind her, and Ben gapes at it.

"Don't worry," specter Anakin says. "Obi-Wan once said the same thing to me, when Padmé and I tried to rescue him."

"What the—" Mother turns.

Anakin vanishes.

* * *

"Make sure she _feels_ the betrayal," Snoke snarls, shoving Hux out the door.

Elation sweeps through Hux. Kylo Ren isn't coming back after all. A grin slides over his face as he strolls down the hall and pertly knocks on the cell door.

"Don't come in!"

Hux rolls his eyes and enters. Rey stands, her arms folding over her stomach. "What now?"

"You are to be informed," Hux intones. "That Kylo Ren will not be returning after all. It seems he decided you and the baby aren't quite worth it."

Her eyes narrow. "That is a lie."

"Is it?" Hux taunts. He circles her like a vulture, head bobbing closer to hers. "He's not coming. That's a fact."

She inhales. "Well, he probably realized it was a stupid plan, and a trap to kill him." Her voice trembles, and Hux exults. "And I'm proud of him for it. He's still choosing the Light, not the Dark. And your plan has backfired. You've given me new hope. He hasn't forgotten me. He will come back."

With those last four sentences, she sucks all of the joy from Hux. _No_. He can't believe this. He doesn't _understand_ it.

"Our plan hasn't _backfired_ ," he hisses. "You—you're—I will personally see to it that your child grows up without love! I will see to it that if you don't die during bitch, that someone slips poison in your drink! I will make your child feel insignificant, squash-worthy, like the insect it is because you—"

He's pushed across the room by some unknown force—no, by _the_ Force. "For that," he snarls. "I'll personally take a whip to your—"

Hux's throat closes. He gags, gasping for breath, as Rey tightens her fist. _She's choking me. She's actually choking me._

And then she lets him go, and he scrambles to his feet and out the door. Her face is ashen.

"Excellent job, General," Snoke greets him. "You may have succeeded after all."

His hands still on his throat, Hux still tries to calm his racing heart. _She could have killed me._

 _She chose not to._

 _But Snoke would have let her,_ he realizes, glaring at the Supreme Leader for the first time not with jealousy, but hatred.

 _I'm expendable to him._

 _Of course you are,_ taunts his father's phantom voice.

* * *

A month after the brawl, Leia awakens early, at the first light of dawn. Her pulse thuds in her throat, and she dresses and hurries to check the monitor to Ben's cell. He's fine. Asleep.

She tries to shakes off the feeling she's failing him again as she turns and spots a blip on the radar.

"Is that-" Admiral Ackbar starts, but even though it's still just approaching their planet, Leia knows.

"It's Luke!"

"Oh, thank the Maker!" C-3PO sighs.


	16. Chapter 15

"Master Luke!" yelps C-3PO. "He's back! Oh, R2!"

R2 blips and hums, glancing at Ben, who nods.

They leave the cell that Ben's been confined to ever since the brawl—a month ago now. Mother, Lando, Chewie, and the droids at the only ones who visit him now. Poe hasn't come, not that Ben expected him to, and Finn hasn't come either, not even to seek answers.

Ben's not surprised, though, when Chewie and Lando show up within the hour. "Luke and Maz want to see you," Lando informs him.

Ben sighs.

Sure enough, Luke greets him with folded arms and a deep scowl.

"I'm sorry," Ben says.

"Give the child a break, Luke," the small orange creature Ben vaguely remembers from one of his father's trips on the _Millennium Falcon_ interjects.

"Hmph." Luke leans against the wall, and Ben notices his mother perched on a bench, next to Finn, who won't look at him, and Poe, who glowers at him.

"Have a seat," Mother invites him. Lando guides him to a bench that faces the others.

"I am sorry to tell you I have no news of the girl," Maz says. "But all of my contacts are on the lookout for any signs of the First Order. I should expect to hear from them soon. Or else I'll send my boyfriend after them." She jostles Chewie with her elbow.

Ben wrinkles his nose.

Maz removes her goggles and peers at Ben, creeping closer. Ben jerks back.

"Oh, that's not good," Finn crows. "She did that to me once, too—"

"Ah," Maz says softly. "I see it now. Why you tried to run."

"I was trying to save Rey."

She nods. "It's what Han would have done."

Ben gulps.

"Shouldn't you tell them?" Maz asks. "Just what are you waiting for? Why are you keeping it all to yourself?"

 _Shit. Shit, shit, shit._ "What are you talking about?" he asks weakly.

Maz puts her hands on her hips. "They all know you're keeping something from them. Despite what you think, you're not an accomplished liar, Ben Solo. Manipulation, yes, you're skilled at that only because you're so _complicated_. But I can see you. I see your eyes. I've seen that look thousands of times over."

"You can tell that I'm hiding something just by looking at my eyes?" Ben demands.

"I can tell what you're hiding—or should I say, _who_ —by the Force. But in your eyes: you're afraid. Not just for yourself, although that's there." Maz purses her lips. The room is dimly lit, and yet Ben can tell every single person in the room, every droid, is watching him. "Child, when are you going to stop being afraid?"

He shakes his head.

"This is not something you should be ashamed of," Maz informs him.

"That's easy for you to say," Ben retorts.

"Quit stalling, _Solo_."

He's really going to have to do it. There's no way he'll be able to refuse now. Chewie's massive hand comes to rest on Ben's hair as if to say, _you're not alone._

Ben presses his fists against his side, probing, and then enlists them to cover his face as he leans over, his voice coming out a muffled whisper. "Rey's pregnant."

For a moment he wonders if anyone heard.

" _What?"_ Luke asks.

No one else speaks. Good grief, does he have to say it again?

"Did you—" C-3PO begins tentatively. "Did you say Rey's _pregnant?"_

He nods. "She's pregnant."

"And… you're the father," Luke states.

"Yes."

"Oh my!" C-3PO gasps.

"What the—" Poe starts to yell.

"I love her!" Ben's hands fly away from his face as he stares at Poe. " _I love her_."

BB-8 blips wildly. R2 purrs. _Well, at least they seem excited._

"And she loves you." Poe sounds dubious. Lando's expression is mildly amused. Mother just looks stunned.

Ben shakes his head. "Heaven knows why."

"Yeah, how many other girls have you told that to?" Poe snaps.

"None! There's never been anyone, aside from her! I love _her!"_

Finn rushes at Ben, slamming his fist into Ben's face. Chewie roars and pushes Finn to the floor.

"Finn, that won't help anything," Mother says.

"Snoke wants your kid!" Finn yells. "He does, doesn't he? Far more than he wants her, or you!"

Ben nods.

"This is kind of important information, Ben," Luke snaps.

"I can't—I couldn't—I didn't want you to think—she's training to be a Jedi. It's her destiny. When she has the baby, I'll disappear if necessary. I won't stand in her way. I—"

"You should have just told us!" Luke shouts.

"Agreed," Poe says.

"How far along is Rey?" Mother asks, her voice the only calm one in the room.

"Seven—seven and a half months. I think. Snoke's taunting me, sending me images of her—he knows that I love her and she loves me. That's why I tried to go—he says he'll let her die if she doesn't turn to the Dark Side, he'll take our child and raise him—or her—"

"There is no way we're letting that happen," Finn puts in. "Right?"

"Right," Lando says.

"Right."

"Right."

"Right."

"Right."

"Right," sighs C-3PO. The other two droids bleep. Chewie roars, and their support overwhelms Ben.

"So," Poe says. "Who kissed who first?"

Ben curls his lip up in disgust. Poe returns his look, unabashed, until a grin spreads across his face. "She kissed you?"

"I'm not discussing this." Ben's face burns.

"Okay," Luke breathes. "Okay."

"That does put a time limit on us," Mother says. "Especially if Luke's theory is true."

"What theory?" Ben asks.

"Snoke only wants one Force user. He wanted Rey instead of you. When she has the child, he'll want the baby instead of her," Luke says.

 _It was a trap_ , Ben realizes.

"We'll hear soon. I know it," Maz says confidently.

Maybe it's the fact that his secret is finally out, or maybe it's because Ben distinctly sees a twinkle of joy in Mother's eyes, or maybe it's because it's actually true, but Ben feels something, too. _Hope_. It gives him courage—not the nihilistic kind Snoke's offer held out before him, but the real kind, the kind that drove Han Solo, that drives Rey, Luke, and Mother.

"There's something else we have to talk about," Ben says quietly, nodding at Finn.

Finn stares blankly at him. "What?"

"During the fight. You called for the lightsaber, and it came to you."

"No," Finn insists, shaking his head. "You sent it into my hand."

"No," Ben says. "I didn't."

Every head in the room swivels to look at Finn now.

Finn chortles. "You know I can't use the Force, Ben."

"I know you _can_ ," Ben counters. "The lightsaber wouldn't have answered your call otherwise."

"But you've seen how hopeless I am at lessons."

"I feel your energy," Ben insists. He does. Hidden at first, the more practice Finn's had, the more he feels the thrum of the Force in his friend.

Maz peers at Finn.

"Stop it," Finn snaps.

"You have the Force?" whispers Poe. "Man, do _I_ have it?"

"Sorry," Ben says. "No."

Poe shrugs. "Seriously, though, Finn, why is that so hard to believe? You're the first stormtrooper who ever escaped the First Order. Who ever _tried_ to leave. Maybe the Force was guiding you."

"I think you have a new pupil," Ben tells Luke, who nods, studying Finn as if he's seeing him for the first time.

* * *

"The disturbance in the Force," Luke says to his sister. "Now I know what it is."

"The child?" Leia asks.

"Think about it, Leia. Snoke's got a veritable—he thinks this child is the answer to his problems with continually training Force users, only to have them disappoint or wear out their use. If he takes the child and raises him, or her—the child will have the blood of Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padmé Amidala, Leia Organa, Han Solo… Snoke was obsessed with Ben because of his heritage. Think how obsessed he must be with this child."

 _It's like Ben all over again,_ Leia thinks. When she was pregnant, she knew. She knew Snoke was after Ben, and for all her attempts to protect him, she failed.

"The child's even more perfect than Ben was," Luke whispers. "The bloodline… Snoke wants to create a grey Jedi, Leia. Because he still thinks they can exist. He doesn't understand that the Dark Side refuses to coexist with the Light. The Light can acknowledge the Dark, but can't work with it."

 _So the child is destined to fail, too,_ Leia realizes.

 _No._ She will not let it happen. Not to her grandchild. She's seen the suffering wrought upon her son, and it's too much.

"I spoke to many ghosts in the temple," Luke confesses. "All of whom told me what they could, which is limited. They prefer to let me figure things out."

"Well, that's worked well," Leia says sarcastically.

"Yes, but they did reveal that Snoke is obsessed with mastering the Force. Conquering it. He himself is so consumed by the Dark Side that he's weakened. He needed Ben, until he found out Rey existed. I suspect his whole plan was to pit them against each other and see which one was stronger, but when he realized Rey helped guide Ben back to the Light, he realized it was her and wanted her… but I don't know why he wanted Ben back, then."

"To kill him," Leia supplies. "Snoke doesn't want his trainee living free."

Luke nods. "My guess is he plans to use Rey until the child is old enough to be powerful on their own…"

 _He'll probably have the child kill Rey,_ Leia thinks in disgust.

No. Maz will help them find Rey. And Leia's grandchild.

* * *

 _Look at you. Delivering food trays to a prisoner. The rank of General, reduced to servant._

 _Go away,_ Hux barks at—at himself? His father? Snoke? Who knows. Does it even matter?

The truth is that Hux doesn't have to bring Rey her meals. He opts to, for reasons he can't explain, and that pisses him off, because he can't explain it and Hux at the very least has always been able to explain _his own_ actions.

How he'd loved ordering Phasma to do it at first. A low duty for the lofty officer whose barbs about his inadequacy always struck Hux harder than he pretended. He should have realized the woman would fall under Rey's spell, though. She cared enough to personally memorize the numbers of every individual stormtrooper. She _cared_ , and that was dangerous.

 _Don't you care, now?_

Hux kicks at the door as it opens. "Here," he snarls.

"What's put you in such a mood?" Rey asks. As if _she_ cares.

 _Stop! Stop! Everyone stop caring!_

 _You're losing it,_ teases his father. _You're going_ mad _. Soon Snoke will_ see…

"Nothing," Hux says. "Nothing at all, except your perpetual stubbornness and refusal to—"

"Tell Snoke I'll try to learn. After the baby. Not before."

The words are so unexpected Hux slumps. _No. Strand up straight. Make me proud, boy, dammit!_ "You're going to learn the Dark Side?"

"I'll try," she repeats. Her eyes are rimmed with red, but she's not going to cry. Not in front of him, because she's impossibly strong and Hux hates her for it.

 _Why?_

 _The Supreme Leader will be so pleased—he'll believe you've done it—_

 _Why?_

"Why?" he demands.

"I don't want to leave my child in that creature's hands," she snaps.

Hux deflates. "So you don't really believe in the First Order. You don't really want to learn the Dark Side."

"Of course not."

"But you will anyways." _To save your child._

 _She'll come to believe in it_ , he reassures himself. _Once Snoke's ensnared her. It will work._

But she's looking at him with such disgust Hux doesn't know if he believes that. For Hux's entire life, he's been guided by principle, by _discipline_ —all values thrust upon him with his father's whip-like tongue and iron fist. And this girl, who believes as righteously in her cause as he does in his, is going to break her principles to save her child. Unless she's playing him, which Hux can't rule out.

How weak. How pathetic. It should confirm everything Hux believes about the Resistance— _compassion will be their undoing._

Except, it doesn't.

Because Hux finds himself comparing Rey to his mother, to his father. When did they ever sacrifice anything for him?

 _They were devoted to their cause!_

He's always thought it a strength, that they put their work above everything else, even him.

 _No, you didn't. You despised him for it. You still despise him for it. Him, and her._

"What if you're lying?" Hux asks, grasping at any possibility he can.

"I'll tell you the location of the first Jedi temple. That should be enough to convince Snoke." She pauses.

He folds his arms. "By all means, keep me waiting."

"Ahch-To."

Hux storms out of the room without another word. He needs to report this to Snoke. Immediately. The Supreme Leader will be pleased. And maybe reconsider how expendable he thinks Hux to be.

 _What if it makes you even more expendable?_

 _He won't need you._

 _Yes, he will. I can turn anyone now._

 _But you never convinced her. Love for her child convinced her. If even,_ because Hux still isn't entirely sure she isn't tricking him.

Weakness.

Or not.

Because Hux realizes that he has no idea what love even is. How can he hope to understand, to control it then? Is it something he even wants to control?

Snoke thanks him for the news, but offers no praise. Hux bristles.

 _I am expendable. Simply because I don't have the Force. It doesn't matter what else I have. None of it will ever be enough._

"See to it that we move closer to Ahch-To," Snoke orders. "We will crush the temple, and then Luke Skywalker will know that Rey is ours."

Hux goes to the control panel and punches in the coordinates, his hands stalling over the encryption key.

 _What are you doing?_

 _Go to hell_ , he snarls at his father's voice.

The coordinates fly out among the stars, speeding their way to the other Star Destroyers in their fleet, minus the encryption.

* * *

"It's good that you told them."

Muscles aching after his morning spent training with Finn—or, giving Finn the opportunity to take our any pent-up fury on him—Ben searches his cell for the ghost.

His grandfather, young and whole, without a mask, sits on the floor.

"Are you going to disappear again?" Ben demands.

"Not unless your mother comes."

"Why are you so afraid of her?" It's strange to consider, Darth Vader being afraid.

Anakin smiles. "I'm not afraid, Ben. I don't know if she'd want to see me. I tortured her. I destroyed her people."

"I thought she could never forgive me for what I did," Ben admits, cautiously lowering himself to the floor. His heart pangs as he remembers. "I did—what you couldn't even do."

Anakin sighs. "That's debatable. I thought I'd killed my wife for years, decades. That guilt was enough to teach me that I could never do it again. Not to my son."

"Padmé?"

"You and Rey remind me of her and me. Though hopefully you will have a happier ending, for both of you, and for your child." Anakin scowls at him. "It's a good thing that admiral, the red one, noticed your starfighter escape. I understand your spirit. It was a noble sentiment. But going to the Dark Side to save someone—it doesn't work. At least, it didn't for me."

Ben stares at him. "You tipped them off."

"I only needed to draw their attention to their radar screen for them to notice you running towards the starfighter."

Ben presses his hands against his face. "I don't understand. If you've always been there—pulling me towards the Light—why did I feel empowered in the Dark Side after calling to you on the _Finalizer_?"

"Snoke," Anakin says simply. "Your former master is quite skilled in deception."

"Where is Rey? You can travel the galaxy. Where is she?" It's been almost a month since Maz's appearance, and time is steadily running out.

"In a place neither Obi-Wan nor myself are familiar with. Apparently. We cannot travel to places we do not know the location of. Believe me, grandson—we've been looking for her. And we will find her. I won't let the Dark Side do to you and Rey what it did to me and Padmé."

So many questions swirl in his mind. "If you've been there—why haven't you revealed yourself before?"

"Because you were always appealing to Darth Vader, not to Anakin Skywalker. You were not ready to accept my help." Ben doesn't know if a ghost's eyes can flash, but if they can, Anakin's definitely do, and he sees traces of the commanding man that must have been Darth Vader.

"Ben!" Finn shouts from behind the door. "Why does this thing take so long to open?"

Anakin nods at his grandson. "I'll see you soon." He disappears as Finn bursts into the room.

" _We know where Rey is!"_


	17. Chapter 16

"It could be a trap," Admiral Ackbar warns.

"Possibly, but my informant's never let me down before," Maz replies.

"But this information _would_ imply that they know the location of the temple," Leia points out.

Which they could only know if Rey gave it to them, Poe realizes. Everyone knows it, but no one will say it. _Bastard._ Snoke must have tortured her.

"Why exactly is this temple so important?" Lando queries, looking at Luke.

"It's the first temple," Luke explains, as if that should answer their questions. It doesn't.

Poe looks to Ben, to Leia, to Finn. None of them seem to have any more of a clue than he does, so Poe feels a bit better.

Maz smiles. She knows.

"It contains many secrets of Jedi history, of Force users," Luke adds. "Such as… whether the Force can be used only from the Light or the Dark, or whether it might be possible for someone to wield both, a unifying Force."

"Is there?" Finn inquires. Ben's face pales.

Leia turns to her son. "That was Snoke's plan for you, wasn't it?"

He nods. "But it didn't exactly work out. Once you start down the Dark Side, it—it's harder to harness the Light."

"Exactly," Luke confirms.

"So, we have to wipe out the Dark Side," Poe supplies. Maz and Luke both laugh.

"That's not possible. We need to recognize the Dark Side, accept that it exists, and give it that respect. Because it is powerful. It accomplishes much. But we choose not to use it," Luke says, studying the hologram map to Ahch-To. " _That's_ how you achieve balance."

"So… why is Snoke taking Rey there?"

"He wants her to utilize both sides of the Force. And our child," Ben says.

"So how to we take on this Star Destroyer?" Poe asks, hands resting on his hips. "Because we're going to take her back."

"And hopefully kill Snoke while we're at it," Lando mutters. His mouth narrows into a thin line, and Poe knows he's thinking of Han, and Rey, and what Snoke did to Ben.

"That'd be the plan," Poe agrees.

"So, we blow up the Star Destroyer," Leia declares, pushing back in her chair. "That's how we always do it."

"They'll see us coming from a parsec away," Ben argues.

"That hasn't stopped any of us before," Poe points out.

Ben grips his side. "We've got to make sure Rey's off the ship first."

"We will," Poe promises. Finn claps Ben on the shoulder.

"My guess is that Snoke will want to visit the temple himself," Luke says, looking to Ben for a nod of confirmation. "When he does, we should send a team to rescue Rey and a team in to plant explosives."

"You're going to tell us where they're most vulnerable," Leia informs Ben, who nods.

"We wait until Snoke is back on the ship, and then detonate the devices," Luke finishes.

"When do we leave?" Ben asks.

" _They_ leave," corrects Admiral Ackbar. "You're not going."

* * *

"I love her. That's my _child_ ," Ben pleads to his mother.

"I think it makes sense for you to be there as well," she agrees. "But the others won't hear of it. They think you can advise them just as well here in D'Qar via transmissions."

"I'll go crazy if I stay here."

 _Come back for me._

 _I'm trying, Rey._

Though inside he knows that if he helps the others, Rey will respect that. And he can't think of more capable people to rescue Rey than his mother, Luke Skywalker, Poe Dameron, Finn, Chewie, and Lando Calrissian. Plus three droids that, despite the fact that they're droids, seem emotionally invested.

Mother shrugs.

Heaving a sigh, Ben sits on the cot in his cell. When Rey's back, will he be allowed to go free? If not, will she stay with him? He could never ask that of her.

And she'll have their child, and he'll be a father. Ben shudders. He wonders that Han would think. _At least you know he liked Rey._

Mother takes a seat next to him, slipping her arm around his shoulder like she always did when he was young and disappointed.

 _Is it just that everyone you're close with will be gone, except Maz? Are you scared?_ he taunts himself.

 _Not for myself,_ he responds, shutting his dark side up.

Ben leans his head against her. "Make sure she's okay. No matter what else happens."

"I promise," she says.

"I love her."

"I know."

And he's afraid. When they get her back—because they have to—what does he know about being a father? He's still not sure he even knows how to be a son.

"Why didn't you tell us, Ben?" Mother asks, peering at him. "Why keep it in?"

"I was afraid of exactly what you're saying," Ben says. "That the child is _important_. Powerful. And I'm afraid for Rey. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. It's like… speaking it makes it more real, and…"

"You're still nervous," Mother states.

"Just about… the baby. I want the child, I'm so excited—and yet I'm so afraid."

She grasps his chin, turning his face to hers. "Oh yes," she says. "You're feeling just like your father felt, before we had you. You'll figure it out. Han wasn't perfect—but he tried, he did his best—"

"I know he did," Ben admits, pressing his forehead into her neck. They stay wrapped in each other's embrace, mother and son, for minutes.

"He'd be proud of you, you know," Mother whispers.

Ben doesn't know that. But he hopes so. Oh, how he hopes so.

Mother leaves and the door closes. The light never changes, but it still feels like shadows creep in. "Grandfather?"

He doesn't appear. Ben scowls.

The door slides back open, and his uncle strides in.

"This is unsanctioned," Luke warns him.

"What is?"

"R2 may have temporarily disabled the monitors via a distraction in the form of BB-8 playing with the cords," Poe chimes in, poking his head through the cell door.

"If you still want to come, move," Luke orders, grabbing his nephew by the shoulder.

"You're helping me?"

"We're helping you help _Rey_." Poe marches along the corridor.

"Coast is clear," Finn's voice travels through a radio in Luke's hand.

"Good." Luke slips a lightsaber into Ben's belt. "You can have this back now."

They slink up the stairway. Worry pounds at Ben. "Won't this undermine Mother's authority?"

"Nope. They'll all know it was my idea," Poe says with a grin. "Trust me."

And then they're outside, and Poe and Luke hurry him over to the _Millennium Falcon_.

"In here, kid." Lando shoves him down into a small compartment that presumably Lando, and then his father, once used for smuggling. "We'll let you out when we're in the air."

Ben's frame barely fits, and the metal door scrapes his back as Lando pulls the cover over it. _It's okay,_ he tells himself, trying to find the best place to position his nose when his knees are shoved up against his face. _You're doing this for Rey._

 _You'll see her soon._

A Wookiee moans, droids bleep, his mother barks out orders and shouts at C-3PO for calling her _princess_. Ben smiles to himself as he remembers his father, when Ben was about five years old, ordering the droid to always call her _princess_ , despite what his mother said.

A clang echoes. The ramp's closed. And within moments, Ben hears the shudder of engines starting, and they're airborne.

 _It won't be long now._

"What are you talking about, Ackbar?" Mother's voice rings out. "He's gone?"

"Er, about that," Poe cuts in. "Give me the radio, General. Lando, do you mind?"

Lando pries open the compartment and helps Ben out. Mother's mouth drops as she struggles to decide whether to slap him, or Poe, or her brother.

"Sorry, Leia. I just didn't think it'd be right to leave him behind," Luke says.

"Good for you, Ben Solo!" cheers Maz from the radio.

* * *

Giving up is not in Rey's nature.

But, apparently Snoke believes it might be.

She wonders if this is how Ben felt, when he told his father he was being torn apart. She has no intention of actually going to the Dark Side, and yet a part of her thinks that if she does, she might be able to manipulate her way to freedom.

 _They're never coming back._

Maybe it's time she swallow that fact. _Ben might be trying, but if it took the Resistance fifteen years to find Luke, I wouldn't hold out much hope._

 _He still might,_ Rey answers herself. And she would help him out. Now that she'd agreed—in theory—Hux has been acting differently, softer, more nervous. His mind wouldn't be easy for her to trick, but she might be able to do it, now that his nervous side is starting to crack through the shell.

Snoke will land on Ahch-To, she knows. If he takes her with him, she doesn't know what she'll do. But if he doesn't…

"You will hand me your blaster," she says to herself. "You will _hand_ me your blaster."

The baby rolls around, and Rey places her hand over him or her. "I'm going to get us out of here," she promises. "For real this time."

Or else, she'll have no choice but to turn to the Dark Side.

* * *

"So who's rescuing Rey?" Finn asks. "And who's bombing things?"

"Chewie and I are staying on the _Falcon_ ," Lando says. "In case of the absolute certainty that we're going to need a quick getaway."

Chewie growls as if to say he'd rather be blowing things up.

"I'm bombing things," Poe says cheerfully. He grins at Finn, and Finn feels Ben staring pointedly at him.

"Luke, you should go with Ben to find the girl," Leia says. "She's your apprentice, after all."

"So you want to blow the Star Destroyer up?" Luke asks.

"Of course I do." She looks to Finn.

"You'll need a third person to help plant the explosives," Finn says grudgingly.

Luke digs into his belt. "Take this with you." In his palm lays Rey's lightsaber.

"No. That's Rey's. It called to _her_."

"Then you'll have to make sure you make it," Luke tells him. "So you can give it back to her."

"Right," Leia says. "Now that that's cleared up, here's where Ben says we need to plant the bombs…"

When the plans that include all of them splitting up are finalized, the group disperses, each to a different pocket of the _Millennium Falcon_. Finn watches as Ben catches Luke's arm and tenses, wondering if Ben's objecting to Finn borrowing Rey's lightsaber.

"Is she still your apprentice?" Ben asks softly. "Because of me?"

"So long as she wants to be," Luke confirms.

Ben throws his arms around his uncle. He pulls away looking flustered and embarrassed, but Luke just smiles.

Smiling to himself, Finn walks away, past a pacing Leia and towards Poe, who leans against his arm, which is braced against the wall.

"Nervous?" Finn asks.

Poe turns around, forcing a smile. "Nah. I've been on far more dangerous, deadly missions."

Finn snorts. "I, uh, thought you might want your jacket back. For luck, you know. Since you don't have the Force."

Poe casts him a withering look. "Mention that again and I'll deck you."

BB-8 whirs around them.

Finn fiddles the radio clipped to his jacket. If Poe dies, he'll hear it. He'll hear it if any of them die. He won't see it, though.

Finn wonders what kind of mark that will leave on him, if he hears his friends dying. It'll be far worse than a single bloody handprint, he knows. Because even though that stormtrooper was his friend, he _knows_ these people so much more.

What if it drives _him_ to the Dark Side?

 _Is the Dark Side something to be afraid of?_ he'd asked Luke weeks ago.

 _It's not to be underestimated,_ Luke answered. _But afraid of it? Not once you acknowledge it inside of you, because it's inside everyone._

Is being willing to kill all his fellow stormtroopers the Dark Side? Finn suspects it is. _It's there_.

"Hey," Poe says softly, putting his hand on Finn's shoulder. "We'll be all right."

BB-8 purrs.

"What are you looking at, droid?" Finn demands. He glances back to Poe, to the way his eyes sparkle and the way he's biting his lip, and he realizes that the thought of Poe dying—if Poe were to die, Finn doesn't know if he could get through that and come out stronger. Poe's death would cripple him.

"Don't you worry," Poe says to him. "I'll be all right."

And all of Ben's insinuations suddenly make sense. Finn presses his lips against Poe's. He pulls back.

Poe's jaw hangs open, and his nostrils flare. "What'd you do that for?"

Finn shrugs. "Because I don't know whether we'll get another chance?" He meant it to come out sounding comical. Instead, his tone wavers.

"Okay," Poe breathes. "Okay." And he leans in, kissing Finn again, more deeply this time.

"We're going to make it," Finn says when they pull apart again. "We have to."

BB-8 chirps and rolls off.

"Hey!" Poe calls after the droid. "Hey, you can't—BB-8, really, don't tell 3PO— _BB-8!"_

* * *

"You will hand me your blaster, and return to your work and forget you gave it to me."

Her voice worms its way into Hux's brain, tying his own thoughts and echoing now, in his own voice. "I will hand you my blaster, and I will return to my work and forget I gave it to you," he repeats.

As his fingers close around the weapon, Hux's mind shakes free, and he realizes what he's about to do as his elbow unfurls. He should yank it back, shoot her, keep fighting—

 _What for?_

 _What's left?_

Hux hands over the blaster of his own volition. He'll get another, and he does, on his way to meet with Snoke.

For a moment, he wonders if Snoke will notice, sense somehow, what Hux has done, but the _Supreme Leader_ —Hux scoffs internally at the title—simply tells him to get ready.

"What for?"

"We're going down to Ahch-To."

" _Me?"_ For all of his talk, Hux has never been on a field mission before. _It's a deserted planet. Surely it can't be very dangerous._

 _Coward,_ sneers his father's voice.

And, maybe this is a sign of Snoke's trust in him. Hux opens his mouth.

 _You will… forget I gave it to you._

"General?"

"I'll get a ship ready," Hux says.

* * *

"You need to revise your plans."

Finn screams. Poe leaps up on top of the seat, and even Luke gasps.

Anakin Skywalker stands in their midst.

"Father," Luke chokes out.

Mother stares at the translucent young man standing in front of the hologram table.

"Grandfather," Ben says. "What—"

"You need to—one of you—" He motions to Luke, to Ben, to Finn. "You need to trap him there. You cannot destroy him by exploding his ship. He'll be protected there. He draws his energy from his own temple, on board."

"There's a what?" Poe asks.

"I never heard of that," Finn says.

"He trained me there," Ben admits, his mind focused on that black, black room.

"So… we can bomb the temple," Poe suggests.

Anakin silences Poe with a glare.

"What are you suggesting?" Luke questions.

"Killing Snoke on Ahch-To."

"I'll do it," Luke volunteers. "Ben, you need to find Rey. She'll want to see you, and Finn—"

"Luke, you can't hold him off on your own," interrupts Mother. Ben watches his grandfather face his daughter, and a soft look comes into Anakin's eyes.

"He won't be alone, Leia. Obi-Wan, Yoda, and I will help him."

"Ghosts can't fight," Leia retorts.

"There are other ways to help," Anakin answers, fingers twitching towards his daughter, but he can't quite lift his hand.

"Are you telling me we're going to have to move faster than we even thought?" Finn demands.

"Yes, that's precisely what I am telling you," Anakin informs him.

"After we get Rey," Ben says, his mind galloping ahead. "And you plant the explosives, Finn, you and I have to head back down to Ahch-To. You know where the TIE-fighters are. We'll meet there. Poe, Mother, you'll have to get Rey aboard the _Falcon_."

A beat. "Sure thing," Poe says as he and Mother exchange a look Ben doesn't like very much.

"Good," says Anakin.

"Well, I think listening to a phantom is a terrible idea," declares C-3PO.

"Hey!" Lando shouts from the cockpit. "If all this craziness is really what I'm hearing, then we better get moving! Like _now!"_

Anakin reaches out to his daughter, his hand coming so close to her cheek but not quite touching. He runs it down the outline of her face.

 _Just like Father,_ Ben realizes.

"I'm sorry," Anakin says. "For all of it."

"Well," Mother says, lifting her shoulders and with the barest of trembles in her lips. "That's all I ever wanted."

* * *

 **As of now, there are three chapters remaining after this one. Thanks to everyone for reading!**


	18. Chapter 17

Crammed into an escape pod, Ben hopes Chewie's cannon shot can indeed wipe out the Star Destroyer's radar, or else they'll die right here, right now.

He can think of worse ways to go. Now, his mother clutching his hand and smiling, Poe with his hand resting on Finn's knee, Rey within reach, Ben feels more at peace than he's ever felt in his entire life, and he might be about to die.

"In there!" Finn directs Poe, who angles the tiny pod up a shaft. With a slurp, the pod is sucked inside, and Poe wildly presses the controls to keep the ship from smashing into the walls.

"Turn here!" Ben shouts, and instantly the pod veers to the right, and back to the left inches before being chopped by a fan.

Poe eases the pod to a stop in a small alcove with a ladder hanging down. Wind from a vent whips their hair, their faces, as they climb out. "We've got to hurry," he reminds them all.

"We know, Poe," grunts Mother as she hauls out a bag of explosives, passing it to Finn, another to Poe, and slinging one across her own back. She looks to Ben. "Go find Rey."

Ben nods. He's the first one up the shaft, and he's running through the halls, freezing every stormtrooper he sees.

" _Traitor!"_ one screams at him before he freezes her.

 _Rey. Rey. Rey._

He doesn't know what cell they're keeping her in, but he feels her presence. Snoke's power still won't relent enough to let him use the bond, but it doesn't matter, because he can still feel the sweet pull of the Light, and it's leading him to her. He knows it.

There she is. The central cell. 65-74.

Ben uses the Force to pry the door open, heart thumping, tears ready to spring from his eyes as he charges in the room.

A blaster fires at his head.

* * *

"Ben!" Rey screams as the man she loves, the man she's almost given up on, freezes the shot in mid-air.

"Rey!" He stares at her, at the shot, then back at her, at her swollen abdomen. "You—"

"I thought you were a stormtrooper, or Hux!" she cries, and the emotions storm her, pulling her down to drown, lifting her up to breathe, tearing her apart and sewing her back together, stoking the fire inside her and washing her in cool relief. "You _came_."

He wraps his arms around her, pressing his cheek against her forehead as she fights back sobs. He smoothes her hair. "We all came. Mother, Uncle Luke, Finn, Poe, Chewie, BB-8 even. We're all here."

 _Is this real?_ But his arms are around her, and warmth emanates from his body and his hands are in her hair, she can hear his breaths, and he's _here. It's real._ "I was so afraid I'd never see any of you again."

"I know. I'm sorry," he says soothingly, until his voice catches and she realizes he's crying too.

The baby kicks, and Rey winces. She grabs Ben's hand and pulls it down to her stomach. "Feel him?" she asks. "Or her?"

Ben looks at her with childlike awe in his eyes. His lips waver and form a smile. "That's amazing."

"You're happy? About the baby?"

"Of course." He looks at her as if scandalized she could suspect anything otherwise. "Afraid, maybe, but Rey, I just wanted you— _both_ of you—safe. This is my _child_."

She kisses him again, and he breaks apart only to lean down and press his mouth against her stomach.

Rey snorts. A terrible darkness tugs at her heart, wrapping it up and trying to strangle her the way that serpent tried to strangle Ben so many months earlier. "Ben, I told Snoke I would go to the Dark Side. I was going to try and escape again, but if I failed—I would have done it. At least I think I might have. To save our child." She gulps. "I'm so sorry."

Ben shakes his head. "But you didn't have to."

"I still feel awful for even considering it," she confesses.

Ben presses his hands, gloveless and calloused, against her tear-streaked face. "It's okay, Rey. What might have happened is irrelevant, because I'm here and you're here and we're going to get you out of here."

Rey sniffs, the coil loosening. Ben presses his forehead against hers, and she closes the gap, covering his mouth with hers.

Rey pries herself away and frowns. "Where are the others?"

Ben shakes his head.

"Escape now," Rey gasps. "Kiss later."

* * *

Luke deliberately aims his escape pod into the sea. If he survives, Chewie and Lando will have to rescue him.

Salt water explodes through the walls as Luke kicks his way out. It stings and scrabbles at his eyes. His lungs quiver as they start to scream for air. Clawing his way up, Luke breaks the surface and gasps. A snarky wave tosses itself into his mouth, and he chokes.

Luke hauls himself towards the shore. The island towers over him as his teeth begin to chatter. _There—right there._ He spots the steps, hewn from stone and wedged in-between two cliffs, one tall and proud, the other stooped and rugged.

"Good," Obi-Wan encourages him.

Gratitude saturates Luke as he drags himself out of the ocean. Obi-wan, Yoda, and his father all working together, to help him. Somewhere up in the sky, past the vast expanses of cerulean and pearlescent clouds, his sister, his nephew, Finn and Poe worked to free his apprentice.

He remembers when he first arrived on Ahch-To, convinced he had failed. Failed to save Han and Leia's son, the boy Luke had known and loved since the day he was born. He had failed his nephew in ways he hadn't even failed his father.

Luke Skywalker had never run before in his life, but he ran then. He'd given up everything, and others, like Nishi, had given up so much _for_ him, and it was all for what?

 _Is this how it ends?_ Luke remembers asking himself. All his padawans, the ones he'd cared for, nurtured, lying slaughtered and burned in a muddy field? He'd run screaming for Ben, and when he didn't find the boy, Luke knew it the worst way.

Except Rey. She was his hope. Luke hid her, gave part of his map to Lor San Tekka in case Rey ever wanted to find him, and said goodbye to R2. And he left, because he couldn't face Leia. Not when she'd pleaded with him to help her son, and Luke had reported so many times what improvements Ben was making…

 _That wasn't how it ends,_ Luke thinks as he drags himself up the steps, flicking on his lightsaber. The temple comes into view, and with it, a redheaded man in black, and a creature who willingly became a monster.

 _This is._

* * *

" _It's me!"_

Rey's voice cuts through the radio and through Finn's heart. _Rey_. _She's alive. She's_ okay.

"We're heading back to the escape pod," Ben says.

Finn plants his last explosive and nods to himself.

"Coming back at you," Poe says.

"Me too," adds Leia.

"I'll be just another minute," Finn says as he watches two stormtroopers march together a level below him, because he knows what he has to do.

If he's truly Force sensitive, Finn aims to stay as far away from the Dark Side as he can.

 _I can't believe I'm doing this_ , he thinks as he marches towards the circuit board. Because he remembers being the man who wanted to run, as Maz called him, when all he wanted to do was live, save his own damn life.

And then Kylo Ren took Rey, and he saw Han Solo die, and then Kylo Ren took Rey and now they've got her back. And the part of Finn that's always wanted to do the right thing—it overshadows his fear.

"Attention," Finn says. "Your ship is going to explode in about five minutes. I suggest you all make your way to an escape pod and evacuate. Like right now."

He has no more time to get the point across, and Finn knows a majority of the stormtroopers won't listen, but he had to try. Now they know.

Finn races back. A blaster shot explodes behind him, and Finn blocks it with his lightsaber.

"You're an idiot," Poe greets him when he finally gets back to the pod. But he throws his arms around him, hugging him tight and planting a brief kiss on his lips.

"Let's go!" Leia shouts.

Finn jumps inside, and another pair of arms closes around him. " _Rey!"_

"Finn!" She's beaming at him, her face a bit pale and her stomach swollen. _She really is pregnant._

"You look great," Finn manages. This is the first time he's seen her since the snow-blown forests of the Starkiller Base, when the man whose arm is now wrapped around Rey and who is looking at her like she's the sun tried to kill him.

She laughs. "So do you?"

"Finn's going to be a Jedi now," Ben tells her.

"Oh right," Finn says. "Here's your lightsaber."

Rey takes it, studying his face. "Are you really?"

Finn nods. "Apparently."

"That's great!"

"Luke?" Leia asks, pressing her radio as they glide to the _Millennium Falcon_. "Luke, come in."

Ben and Finn help Rey down the ladder. "I can do it myself," she snaps.

 _She hasn't changed that much._

Finn lands, watching as Chewie wraps furry arms around Rey, murmuring and snuffling. BB-8 squeals, and Rey laughs.

"Luke's not answering," Leia reports as Ben starts to climb down.

"Then we're going, aren't we?" he says.

"Me too," Finn says, grabbing hold of the ladder again.

"We're all going," Rey says.

"No way," Finn, Ben, and Poe all answer.

"You don't get to tell her what to do!" Leia shouts. "Get back on the Falcon. We're all landing on Ahch-To because we need to avoid the blast!"

"You heard her!" Lando's voice drifts from the cockpit.

"Fine." Finn lets go of the ladder. Ben, Leia, and Poe slide down, and Lando takes off, speeding towards the planet.

"I don't want you to get hurt," Ben says to Rey, sounding sheepish.

"Snoke's _been_ hurting me," she snaps. "You know that. I'm not stupid. I know I'm not exactly in prime condition for any sort of physical combat. But I can help. I have the Force."

Ben pulls her close and rests his chin on top of her head.

"Damn, they really are in love," Poe whispers, as if in awe.

"Isn't it wonderful?" gushes C-3PO.

Finn squeezes Poe's hand.

An explosion rocks the _Falcon_ as it descends. BB-8 shoots out wires to hold itself and R2 in place as Ben and Rey fall backwards against the bunk.

"So long, Star Destroyer," Poe says.

Finn nods, wondering how many stormtroopers heeded his warning.

"Are you okay?" Poe asks softly.

Finn nods, but he's not. Guilt claws at him. _If we killed them, how can we claim to be from the Light?_

Poe grimaces and puts his arm around Finn. "You did what you could, Finn."

"I'm sick of death," Finn admits, just loud enough for Poe to hear.

Poe sighs. "Me, too, buddy."

* * *

"You're nothing but a coward, Luke Skywalker," calls Snoke as Luke ducks behind a boulder. "Keep trying to run and hide! You won't be able to forever." The boulder starts to levitate, and Luke rolls away.

"I can't beat him," Luke gasps out, not loud enough for Snoke to hear, but for Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Yoda to hear.

"Strong he is," Yoda agrees.

"Did you ever fight him?" Luke pleads. "Got any tips?" So far these ghosts are proving to be useless.

"You're a coward at heart," Snoke teases, shattering the boulder. One piece comes within millimeters of crushing Luke's shoulder. "Ruled by sentiment. Just like your father." The "Supreme Leader" saunters down the hill he's been standing on, as casual as if he were strolling through his home. "Tell me, has your sister forgiven you for abandoning her? For abandoning her son?"

Luke backs up, hands shaking.

"Don't listen to him," Anakin whispers.

"He's trying to distract you," Obi-Wan adds.

Cloud occlude the sun, and a cold wind blows through against Luke's face.

"All your years of training and you still can't beat me!" Snoke screams, the words ricocheting against the steep cliffs. "All you do is run!"

"Your man doesn't seem to be doing much better!" Luke hollers. The redheaded man disappeared behind a rock at the beginning of the fight. Luke hasn't seen him since and doesn't expect to again.

"Him? He's all talk. A coward, useful only for his brain, not his brawn," scoffs Snoke. A speck appears on the horizon, dropping from space behind him. Luke scrambles again.

 _They're coming._

Something bright snaps in the sky, orange and scarlet and brilliant white. Snoke gasps.

"Your ship's been blown up," Luke informs him, panting as he puts a hand on a damp rock.

Snoke whirls around to face him, black eyes spitting fury as he starts to laugh. "It won't matter. One last futile attempt by you foolish Resistance—I should have known."

"He's mad. Good," Anakin says.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan sighs in exasperation. "That is _not_ good. You of all people should know."

"I of all people know why it _is_ good," Anakin retorts.

"You cannot stop me!" Snoke yells. "I will rule the galaxy! I haven't been defeated in one thousand years. For years I let the Jedi and the Sith kill each other."

"There is no more Sith!" Luke yells.

"There is still the Dark Side! And I—I will destroy all the Force users, except for that girl and her child. I've been at it for years, haven't you realized?" The ship grows larger still, behind him, and Luke's not sure he's ever felt so grateful, aside from when Leia rescued him after his father cut off his hand.

"Yes!" Luke shouts back. "I have!"

"The Jedi are weak! You all are! All of the Resistance fighters—they're made of the same stuff as you Jedi! Weakness! Sentiment! Compassion!"

"Those are strengths!" Luke shouts. "Even my father realized that!"

"Your father had one weak moment—"

"No," Luke breathes. "No, he loves me. Can't you see him here?"

Snoke stares blankly at the grassy slope where Anakin stands. "What are you talking about?"

"Evil sees what it wants to see," Obi-Wan opines.

Snoke rants. "I will kill everyone you love. I will destroy the Resistance, all of you—and even if you manage to run and save your own skin again, you won't be able to run from the fact that they're dead, they're all dead—your sister, your nephew, your apprentice—" Snoke waves his hand, and the cliff under Luke's feet starts to crumble. He rushes away from it. Snoke's laughter drowns out the _Falcon's_ impending landing.

"You know I've made it a habit to kill everyone around you, in my attempts to track you down," Snoke says. "Before I got Kylo Ren to do my work for me. Including—what was her name? Ah yes, Nishi. Sweet thing, too. Tygo Ren killed her for me, but not before I made _sure_ she knew the exact life I had planned for her son. The poor thing showed no signs of being Force sensitive, so I—"

The Millennium Falcon smashes into the side of the island, sending rocks tumbling everywhere and Snoke tumbling with them.

"Get up before he does!" Anakin shouts.


	19. Chapter 18

"Fight us, you ugly bastard!" Lando shouts as he aims a blaster at the creature Ben worshipped as the Supreme Leader, as _his_ Supreme Leader, for years.

Not anymore. Snoke writhes on the ground, kicking off a rock as large as his head and sending it flying at Lando, who tries in vain to dodge it. It strikes Lando in the shoulder, sending him flying against the side of the _Millennium Falcon._

Chewie howls and Snoke barely escapes a bowcaster blow. Someone else screams— _Poe_ —as Snoke lifts the pilot in the air, throwing him into the side of a cliff. They're in a sort of valley on Ahch-To, a patch of rolling grass set between a plateau on which the _Millennium Falcon_ rests, a cliff towering opposite the plateau, and a rolling hill scattered with boulders.

" _Poe!"_ Finn shrieks, racing to the fallen pilot. "Come on, Poe, wake up!"

"Ah," Snoke chortles, the sound so brutal it's all Ben can do not to double over. "The stormtrooper. FN-2187."

"Don't call him that!" shouts Rey, and Ben's heart sinks. Mother grabs Rey, positioning herself in front of her.

Snoke smirks at her as Ben sees Luke wriggling his way out from debris, on the top of a steep slope above them, Grandfather crouched over his son. Obi-Wan straightens and looks at Rey with shock. A little green creature— _Yoda_ —looks at Snoke with a pity Ben cannot relate to.

"Rey Kenobi. Come with me now, and I won't touch your friends."

Ben's heart drops further, and Snoke smirks. He knows perfectly well that's the line Ben used on Rey back on Stewjon. And everyone knows it's a lie, but only Rey and Ben know why Snoke says it.

"She's not going anywhere," Finn snarls, crouched over Poe's unconscious form and looking at Snoke with utter revulsion.

"Go join your friend," Snoke says dismissively, tossing another stone, as large as Finn's torso, at him. Ben's hand flies up to stop it, but Finn beats him to it.

"Hiding behind your Force-sensitive friends, I see?" Snoke taunts.

"No," Finn breathes. "No. I have the Force."

The closest thing Ben's ever seen to shock crosses Snoke's face. "That's impossible."

"Apparently not," jeers Mother.

"No—I would have known!" Snoke screeches. He knocks Chewie to the ground, and fury lashes through Ben.

"How?" Ben demands. "Hux—"

"I hand-picked that one!" Snoke shouts before stepping back, breathing deeply. "Say goodbye to your father, FN-2187 Skywalker." He aims at Luke again.

"No!" Both Rey and Ben stop him from levitating Luke, who's struggling to stand on a clearly broken leg. The salty air slaps Ben's face, wet and sharp and stinging as his brain tries to process what Snoke just said.

"What did you say?" Finn demands.

"Your mother was his whore," Snoke sneers, jerking his head towards Luke. "Just like she's—" He nods to Rey. " _His_ whore." He nods to Ben.

Together, Ben and Finn both aim at Snoke, who successfully deflects one of them—Ben doesn't know whom—and topples over as the other's blow hits him.

And then Ben looks to Finn in shock as Snoke's words sink in. _Finn is my cousin?_ FN-2187? The stormtrooper? The man he'd screamed, so feral, at: _"Traitor!"_

"That's impossible!" Finn shouts.

"Search your feelings," mocks Snoke, smiling deviously at Luke and ignoring Finn. "You know it to be true. And now you're going to see your only child wiped out, Luke Skywalker, just like I killed his mother—"

"Hell no!" Rey screams, and she and Ben protect Finn. Not missing a beat, Snoke whips about and sends Luke crashing over the side of the slope, crumpling as his shoulder hits the ground with snap—only a few feet from Snoke.

"Or, you'll be saying goodbye to the father you never knew," Snoke says, aiming at Luke again.

"No!" Finn charges at Snoke, and Snoke's lightsaber slices through Finn's shoulder as Finn thrusts his hands in front of him, sending Snoke flying back. Both of them writhe on the ground, but Snoke is the first to rise.

"You know what to do," Grandfather whispers in Ben's ear.

"So," Snoke says to Finn. "You _do_ have the Force."

"Is it really that surprising?" Ben shouts. "That's your greatest weakness, Snoke: you're constantly underestimating the Light. You don't respect the Light—you don't want to acknowledge it."

 _It's working._ Snoke turns away from Finn towards Ben, who steps away from Rey, away from his mother. Grandfather steps with him. Obi-Wan moves in, closer to Rey, as Yoda hovers over Luke's still form.

"I want to _use_ the Light!" Snoke bellows, wind whipping around his robes.

"Exactly!" Leia intervenes. "You can't _use_ the Light. You work _with_ it."

" _You_ ," Snoke says in disgust. "You pathetic, weak—hasn't a life lived devoted to your—your _Rebellion_ , your Resistance—shown you the power of the Dark Side? Because it's claimed everything you've ever loved, Leia Organa. And to think, _you_ , too, could have been a talented user of the Force—"

Mother shoots out her hand, and her brother's lightsaber soars into it.

"I do _not_ ," Mother informs Snoke. "Consider my life a waste. Force trained or not."

"Your son always wanted to kill Han Solo. Otherwise he never would have—"

"You _monster_. I know what you did. I knew what you wanted with him, even before he was born!" And she rushes at him.

" _No_ ," whispers Grandfather.

Snoke lunges at her, but Ben throws himself at his old master, thrusting with his lightsaber and grazing Snoke's neck. Snoke howls, tossing Leia's lightsaber far from her, and snatching Ben's from him. Both Ben and Leia tumble to the ground, right at Snoke's feet.

 _We never had a chance._ Ben spreads his arms, covering his mother as best he can. _Rey—I love you._

Snoke towers over him. Behind Snoke, Ben sees Finn stirring. He can't see Rey—Snoke won't let him—

"Nice try, Rey Kenobi," Snoke sneers, holding one hand up as he stretches the other towards Ben. "If you want to go first, I have no objections." His fingers tighten, and Ben feels his windpipe constrict, and he can't _breathe_ , he's being strangled, life itself is being squeezed away, and Rey can see—and if he dies, what will become of Rey, of their baby, of—

Snoke's eyes bulge. He gags, and his hand waves. Ben sucks in air before Snoke resumes his chokehold, and then—

Snoke's gasping, clawing at his neck, and Ben can gulp in air, sea air and wind. His lightsaber flies out of Snoke's hands, behind the monster, and Ben sees Rey, Obi-Wan standing to her side as she chokes Snoke. Her eyes, wild and desperate, meet Ben's.

 _Help me. We can freeze him, Ben—he's strong, but if we do this together—_

Ben shoves at Snoke too, getting to his knees. He feels the Force more powerfully than he's ever felt it, and he's not focused in the least on his rage, or his pain—he's focused on Rey, and his mother, on her own knees and _helping_ him and Rey, and his uncle lying unconscious and _his_ _friends_ and his _father's friends_ , and the roar of a Wookiee waking up and the ghosts of generations past staring at them in _awe,_ and his cousin staggering to his knees just behind Snoke, Ben's lightsaber fired up in Finn's hands.

And in Snoke's eyes, for the first time, Ben sees something mixed among the blackness: defeat.

Finn hesitates. "Do we have to do it like this?"

Ben glances at his grandfather, who looks to Obi-Wan, who looks to Yoda. Luke cranes his neck and groans. _He's okay._

"Evil he is," Yoda confirms. "But Dark you are not."

"Can we get him aboard frozen?" Rey asks. "Can we even contain him?"

A blaster shot fires through the air, slicing through Snoke's upper left torso. The shock cuts through Ben and Rey and Mother, and their hold breaks.

Hux stands in front of a cleft of rock where he's clearly been hiding, blaster held high, firing and firing. But Luke's discarded lightsaber is already flying into Snoke's hands before any of them realize what's happening, and then it's hurtling towards the air at Hux.

And with a twang, Chewie blasts the Supreme Leader with his bowcaster, and Snoke falls face-first into the grass, dead.

"Hux!" gasps Rey, rushing up the hill towards the general, Ben ahead of her.

The lightsaber lies on the ground to Hux, but Ben can see it's cut clear through Hux's sternum, down through his gut. Still, the general, face paler than Ben's ever seen it, hair soaked in sweat and mussed instead of perfectly combed, glugs in air as if each breath might cure him.

"Oh!" Mother drops to her knees, reaching out for Hux's face. Hux flinches away, gawping at her as if he doesn't understand what she's doing.

"Thank you," Rey breathes, unable to kneel down, but with tears streaming down her face.

Ben doesn't know what to say. _Thank you? I'm sorry?_ He says nothing at all, but he looks at Hux without disdain, with the same forgiveness his father showed him, and Hux looks at him, still with disdain, but with something else too, something soft and something reminiscent of what could have been, but wasn't.

And then Hux's eyes focus on Anakin Skywalker, on Obi-Wan Kenobi, and on Yoda, all of who hover nearby. "Oh," he gasps. _"_ I'm…" His lips tremble, and his eyes fade.

* * *

"Why couldn't Snoke see you?" Rey asks her grandfather, aboard the _Millennium Falcon_. She watches Finn holding Poe's hand as the pilot grumbles about whatever salve Ben's applying to his head. Chewie faithfully pilots the ship, with the help of a temporary co-pilot in a terrified C-3PO. Leia and Luke fuss over Lando, although Luke keeps glancing back over his shoulder at Finn—not an easy task for Luke, with his clavicle broken. The tortured look on Luke's face, Rey suspects, doesn't stem from a physical injury.

Obi-Wan sighs as BB-8 rubs up against Rey's legs. She can barely see him over her stomach. "The Dark Side only sees what it wishes to see, Rey. Snoke, over millennia, dulled himself to any semblance of Light. He was further gone than perhaps anyone I've ever heard of."

"Hux saw you. In the end. He didn't before?"

"When he made peace with the Light," Obi-Wan agrees. "He may not have been Force-sensitive, but like each person, Force-sensitive or not, he was allied with the Light or the Dark."

"Why did it take you so long to find me?" Rey finally asks, rubbing her stomach as the baby kicks. Her stomach tightens and Rey winces. She's been experiencing contractions on and off for the past month, and has already had three since the island.

Obi-Wan looks into her eyes. "I tried."

She nods. _That's enough_. "What was my mother like?"

"I only met her twice. The Jedi Order—Jedi were discouraged from personal attachments. I provided for your mother's mother. I met her during the Clone Wars. I met your mother only twice. She had the same hair as you, the freckles." Obi-Wan sighs. "It's only of my greatest regrets, not getting to know her. You and Ben won't have that problem."

Rey watches Ben care for Poe and smiles. Ben turns around and smiles back at her.

"Forgive me," Obi-Wan says. "I let rules dictate everything. That's partially how I lost Anakin. That's how I lost your grandmother, and your mother, and you."

"You found me now," Rey says.

Obi-Wan sighs.

"After they die," Rey says. "The ones who aren't Force sensitive—Han, Hux—where do they go?"

Obi-Wan smiles. "I can't tell you. But they're at peace, is all I will say."

"Does Han know about Ben?"

Obi-Wan leans close to her. "How could he be at peace if he didn't?"

Rey nods, looking away. "Thank you. For coming."

 _It's over. I'm safe. Snoke is_ dead. _The First Order, wounded._

She steps away from Obi-Wan, who fades. Wandering down the hallway, she remembers Han opening the grate where she and Finn had been prepared to gas him and Chewie to death, thinking them to be the First Order.

Finn turned out to be his nephew. And Rey, she would be his daughter-in-law. She's carrying his grandchild.

Another tightening in her abdomen. Rey leans against the wall, breathing deep.

 _I'm glad you came, Grandfather,_ she thinks. And Rey understands: _the belonging you seek is not behind you, but ahead of you._

"Rey." Ben appears, and Rey pulls him close, kissing him as deeply as she can, as deeply as she's dreamed about in the month they've been separated.

"I love you."

"I know," he says mischievously. "I love you, too."

And she hears him, too: _I never stopped trying to find you._

 _I know._

 _I'm sorry it took so long._

 _You came back for me. That's all that matters._ Rey reaches out, stroking his hair behind his ears.

"Will you marry me?" he blurts out.

"What?"

"I—I mean, since we're going to be parents, I was just—" he stammers.

"Of course I will," Rey answers quickly, blushing, though she's not sure why. His face is similarly flushed. _It doesn't matter to me_ , she thinks to him. _What you've done. What they think of you. What comes next. I love you, and I want to help you._

"I'm so sorry," Ben whispers. "About all of it. What Snoke put you through. Kidnapping you. Trying to read your mind that time—sending you into that tree—"

"I knew all of that when we made this baby," Rey points out. "Not what Snoke put me through, but that's not exactly your fault."

He nods.

"I forgive you."

He smiles, and she cringes as her abdomen feels as if someone's twisting it, crushing it from the inside.

"Rey?" Ben asks. "What's wrong?"

"Practice contractions," Rey offers. "Phasma told me to expect them."

"You're gasping."

"It hurts."

"How many have you had?"

"They seem to be coming more regularly the past hour," she admits, as the realization sinks in.

"You're in labor," Ben states.

"I'm in labor," she agrees.


	20. Chapter 19

**Apologies: it appears there's some glitch with the website that's delaying sending out emails with new chapters. Sorry everyone!**

* * *

Ben's heart pounds and cold sweat trickles down the back of his neck. "What do we do?"

"I don't know," Rey says, pacing as her mouth screws up in pain. "I've never had a baby before."

"I'll get my mother." It's the only thing he can think of. Rey's having their baby... a few weeks early, and on the _Millennium Falcon_...

"Sounds good," Rey offers, panting.

Ben darts out from corridor and spots Mother sitting next to Luke, talking to Finn. Her nephew. Ben still can't wrap his mind around it, and he doesn't have time to try right now. "Can you come with me?" he requests. " _Now?"_

"What's wrong, Ben?" she asks, taking in his face.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just—Rey's in labor. I think. She thinks."

"What?" yelps Poe from the bunk he's laying on.

Finn's jaw drops. "Now?"

Mother rushes into the corridor, where they find Rey still pacing, breathing too regularly. In, out. In, _out_. _In_ , out.

"How far are we from D'Qar?" Rey asks through gritted teeth.

"Far enough. A day or so," Mother answers.

Rey lets out a barking laugh. Ben clutches her elbow. "You'll be fine." She will be. She's strong.

"You will be," Mother agrees. "I had Ben on this ship."

"You did?" That's news to him.

"Really?" Rey looks to Ben, and in her hazel eyes, Ben sees pain, fear, but also excitement and love, and with all that is in him, he loves her. He wishes he could take her pain away.

"Yes," Mother says, smirking. "Hopefully Ben will be more help to you than Han was to me. Because you _are_ helping, Ben."

He nods. "Of course."

"What happened with Han?" Rey inquires, sighing, clearly in-between contractions.

Mother's eyebrows quirk upwards. "He fainted."

"Really?" Ben's jaw drops.

"He got it together when it counted, though," she adds.

Rey's face blanches, and she clutches her abdomen and strains not to scream. A low whimper emerges instead.

"Come on." Ben reaches to carry her.

"I can walk myself!" she hisses.

"I know. But you don't have to." He picks her up in his arms anyways, just like he carried her a year earlier, on Takodana, only focusing of what information he could glean from her about the map, ignoring the sparks inside that hinted she was far, far more important.

Rey looks into his eyes, conscious this time, and smiles as if she knows what he's thinking. Which, she probably does. _We've both changed so much._

 _I love you._

Ben carries Rey towards the bunk, which a horrified looking Poe has vacated.

"Are—are you okay, Rey?" Finn asks.

Rey tries to answer but bites down as another contraction seizes her. Ben sets her on the bunk, and she grips his hand so hard she almost breaks it. A scream finally emerges in answer.

"Oh, dear," says C-3PO.

"I'll be fine," Rey ekes out, still crushing the bones in Ben's hand.

* * *

Banished to the cockpit and/or the corridor, Finn watches as Lando informs Chewie that Rey's in labor. The Wookiee sits silent, shocked.

"Leia's with her," Luke clarifies.

Chewie bobbles his head as if to say, _oh, okay then._

Luke puts his hand on Finn's shoulder as another scream erupts. "Can we talk?"

Finn nods.

Once in the corridor, Luke swallows hard. Finn has a hard time processing. _This is my father._

 _I do have a family._

Leia's his aunt. Ben, his cousin.

"What was my mother like?" he blurts out.

Luke nods to himself. "She was smart. And brave. And beautiful. We met in Maz's cantina… she was dancing…" Memories pour from Luke's lips, washing through Finn as he tries to concoct the image of a woman he always knew existed, but now knows her name. _Nishi_.

"She left because she knew I would have left the Jedi way for her," Luke says. "I never knew she was pregnant."

Finn nods, emotions coursing through him, rushing and cascading and churning, bubbling to overflow. "The Jedi way is stupid, then," he finally says. And he's not sorry.

Luke shrugs. "It wasn't worth it."

"Why does protecting the galaxy mean giving so much up?" Finn demands. "I mean, I get that it's got to involve sacrifice. That's obvious. But shouldn't each Jedi be able to make their own decision? Like about whether to pursue a relationship?" He thinks of Poe.

"I agree," Luke says, looking at Finn. "I'm so sorry."

"What happened wasn't your fault," Finn clarifies.

"No, it was. Partially. The ghosts are right about many things, but not everything. Yoda told me my father was too far gone. He wasn't. I mean, clearly, even Obi-Wan couldn't live by the rules forever. And if my father had had Jedi support, none of this might ever have happened. But it did happen, and regretting all of that—it's not going to help." Luke swallows. "I want to make a new way for the Jedi, from now on. With a greater focus on personal responsibility, and choice. If Rey and Ben want to continue to train, as I suspect they will, they're welcome to. And their child will be able to make his or her own choice. And you, Finn, you can choose too. If you want to."

Rey cries out again. Finn flinches. "I want to train as a Jedi," he agrees. "I also want to pursue something… with someone."

Luke leans against the wall and smiles. "Are you talking about Poe?"

"Yeah," Finn says. "Yeah, I am."

"Good. The man's been in love with you since well before I met you, I'm guessing."

Finn smirks and reaches out. "Can I—can we—?"

Luke wraps Finn up in his arms. _Father_. It'll be weird getting used to that term, and yet Finn feels that Luke won't pressure him about using it.

He'd like to use it, though. Eventually.

"Can you ask Poe to come here?" Finn requests.

His father nods.

Poe appears minutes latter, bruises still marring his face. "Hey, buddy."

Finn kisses him. "He's not going to make me choose."

"What?" Poe blinks. The air feels suddenly warmer, more alive. Rey screams again.

"Between being a Jedi, and being with you."

Poe's face caves into something so vulnerable, so beautiful, that Finn doesn't know how he ever feared talking to Poe about how he felt. "You want to be with me?" Poe repeats.

"I do," he confirms.

Poe cups his hand around the back of Finn's head and draws him closer. _Are his eyes shining?_ Finn wonders.

They kiss again, and even with Rey's screams in the background, Finn feels so whole, so right, so at home, that raw wounds of that's happened to him—the numerous atrocities he committed as a stormtrooper, the hours of Hux's voice droning on and on, the cowardly way he tried to run on Takodana, everything that he's ever been ashamed of—feel healed, and he isn't ashamed of the scars.

* * *

Rey doesn't want to scream, but she can't help it. Agony twists and crushes her from the inside, and there's no place to take the pain besides her lungs, no place to release it besides her voice.

"You're doing great, Rey," Leia assures her.

"What would doing badly look like?" Rey groans.

"Something would look like it's wrong, and everything seems fine. The baby I think is in the right position, you're progressing normally, you're going to be fine."

She hopes so, but _fine_ extends far beyond just having this child. What kind of mother will she be? She never had one, and Rey's terrified she won't be able to be a good one, and that's all she wants: to give her son or daughter all the love she possesses, wrap them up in her arms at night and plant kisses on their foreheads, tell them they'll be safe and never give him or her cause to wonder that she'll ever leave.

"Rey?"

"What if I'm not a good mother?" she manages. "I don't know how."

"I don't know how either," Ben admits. "We'll figure it out. We'll have to." His voice shakes as he runs his hands over Rey's sweat-soaked hair.

Red and white excitement shoots through her. She wants to hold this baby, wants to give him or her everything. This child that she clung to as a reminder of Ben's love for her when her memories wavered during her captivity—she's about to meet him or her.

"We—" Rey says through gritted teeth. "Are going to be _great_ parents. Or at least, we're going to give it everything we've got."

Ben chuckles.

Pain bears down on her again, and she loses herself in screaming, despite Leia and Ben both pleading with her to _just breathe, just breathe._

Leia gasps.

"What?" Ben demands.

"Your water broke, Rey."

"Does that mean I'm almost there?" _And that this pain will finally end?_

Ben grips _her_ hand tightly now as Leia nods.

* * *

"How long does it usually take to have a baby?" Poe wonders as he sends BB-8 back into the room to check in on Rey. Although, the moans seem to suggest it will take a little while longer. In the meantime, they've all crowded in the cockpit.

"Leia took almost a day to have Ben," Luke says.

"So we could be back at D'Qar?" Finn asks.

Chewie huffs.

"I take it that's a no."

"What is going to happen back on D'Qar?" Poe questions. "I mean, we'll have to regroup to take on what's left of the First Order... but with Ben. What will happen? It's our fault for breaking him out. And he'll have a kid, and probably a wife because I'm assuming they'll get married. It doesn't seem right to keep him locked up."

"We'll see what we can do," Lando says. "I think his actions on Ahch-To will work in his favor."

"I can't believe you're arguing to free him," teases Finn, jabbing Poe in the thigh.

"I can't believe you're his cousin," Poe returns. "Finn Skywalker. You guys are the most complicated, messed-up family in the entire galaxy, and yet we all want to be like you."

 _If you want to be a Skywalker, just say the word,_ Finn thinks. Not actually. Not yet. But someday.

Luke sighs.

"You all right?" Lando inquires.

"Yeah. I'm just—I wasn't there when you were born. I didn't know you existed. It reminds me of my father... he thought his wife was dead." Luke looks at him. "If I had—maybe—"

Finn grabs his father's hand. "It's _all right_." It is.

"You lost so much."

"We both did." Finn does wonder what life would have been like, if he and Ben grew up together. Would the older boy have mocked him, or protected him, or both? How would Han have treated his nephew? The man he called _Solo_ is actually his uncle. Finn can't help chuckling at that, but there's a bittersweet stalk too that springs up, making Finn wish that Han was here to find out about his nephew, meet his grandchild.

Another scream. BB-8 sticks its head back into the room and bloops.

"Translation, please," Finn requests.

"BB-8 says it won't be long now," Poe says. "And that there's a lot of blood."

"Beyond what's normal?" Luke demands.

BB-8 shakes its head and beeps again.

"Leia's not worried, so we're not going to worry either," Lando declares. "She'll be fine."

* * *

Ben's forehead pressed against her own, his hand tightly clutched in hers, Rey tries to focus on everything but the pain.

"You can do it, Rey," Ben murmurs, and she bears down again, groans tearing from her throat, tears flowing from her eyes, and she hears Leia gasp and the sharp cry of an infant.

Rey gasps as R2 bleeps in excitement. She peers upwards as Leia, her voice choked, announces, "You have a daughter. Ben, come here."

Leia has Ben cut the cord, and Rey's crying as Ben places her daughter on her chest. Snoke won't ever get her. Rey has her daughter, and she's _safe_. _We're both safe._ Snoke will never hurt her, or her daughter, or Ben again.

She looks to Ben and sees tears running down his face.

"She's got your hair," Rey croaks.

"We both have dark hair," he points out.

Rey studies the dark tufts. "No, it's definitely yours."

Ben reaches out, his hand stroking his daughter's damp hair, his face contorted in wonder.

"We have a _daughter_ ," Rey whispers again as her daughter looks up at her with such trust. _I'll never abandon you,_ she thinks. _No matter what. I promise._

Her daughter's fingers curl around Rey's fingers, and Rey's laughing, and Ben's grinning so wide he looks adorably stupid, Leia's wiping her eyes, and Rey's never felt so happy in her entire life.

R2 wheels back in with C-3PO, who has a basin of water. Ben washes their daughter as Leia helps Rey deliver the afterbirth. When her daughter's swaddled in her arms and Ben's sitting next to her, BB-8 spins into the room, sticking out a fiery thumbs-up.

They laugh.

BB-8 chirps.

"Yes," Rey agrees as Leia adjusts a blanket over her. "They can come in."

It's almost a stampede as Poe, Finn, Luke, Lando, and Chewie storm into the room, all gaping.

"It's a girl," Rey says, feeling her cheeks flush.

"What's her name?" Lando inquires.

She hasn't even discussed it with Ben, but Rey knows the name she wants to give. "Padmé."

Luke's eyes tear up. Rey glances at Ben, who's smiling and nodding and wiping at his eyes again.

"I can't believe it," Poe breathes. "It's all just—sorry, guys—but it's all just crazy. _Good_ crazy. But crazy."

"Can I hold her?" Finn asks.

Rey nods. Ben looks uncertain.

"She is my relative," Finn reminds Ben. " _Cousin_. Oh, good grief, she looks like you." He's teasing, though, and Ben can't help grinning.

"She's gorgeous," Poe says, peering over Finn's shoulder.

Chewie holds his arms out, and Ben and Rey both acquiesce.

"I'm going to spoil my great-niece," Luke promises.

"Not as much as I'm going to spoil my granddaughter," Leia interjects.

"Oh, Han would be so proud," C-3PO gushes.

The room falls strangely silent until Chewie gently murmurs his agreement.

Even with his face wet, Ben's smiling so much, Rey realizes. She doesn't think she ever dreamed he would look so free.

* * *

Three weeks later, back on the Resistance base, Ben wakes up as rose sunlight floods the room. Rey sleeps next to him, dark hair strewn over a pillow, and he has no desire to disturb her. Both of them were up with a fussing Padmé for most of the night.

But he can't sleep. Later that day, Poe and others will be leaving to take on the remnants of the First Order. None of them are naïve enough to think they'll ever eradicate the First Order, or the Empire, or whatever shape it will take next, from the galaxy. But they can buy a few more years of peace, and that's what they'll do.

For so many years, Ben believed in finality, craved it, as Snoke had. Now, he understands. There will always be conflict. No matter how strong the Light grows, there will always be shadows.

And that doesn't mean the galaxy's a terrible place. _It's good, too._

Ben takes in the sight of his daughter, finally asleep, drenched in pink light. He and Rey will be vigilant, as will Finn, Poe, Mother, Luke, Chewie… so many. They'll protect her as best they can, be honest with her, teach her to acknowledge the Dark and hope that, when she makes her choices, she chooses the Light.

Ben reaches down and picks Padmé up, cradling her against his chest. He loves her so much. More than ever, he understands his father now.

 _I'm so sorry,_ he thinks again.

"It's okay, you know," says his grandfather to his side. Anakin smiles at him, at his great-granddaughter, and fades.

 _It is okay,_ Ben tells himself. Because his father's love reached out beyond death. Love like that could never be killed.

And in the end, his father's love helped save him.

The Resistance agreed to let Ben live with Rey for the meantime, albeit with restrictions, based on what happened on Ahch-To, and the appearance of Obi-wan Kenobi's ghost. And Padmé seems to be steadily winning even Admiral Ackbar over. Still, Ben doubts many of them will ever shake off their suspicions, and he can't blame them.

 _"Treat them well," Obi-Wan had warned_ _after that meeting, looking at Rey and Padmé with hope._

 _"I will."_ When Ben considers what the Dark Side holds, he never wants to go back. It offers power, but only a fool would choose power over the love that surrounds him here, with his soon-to-be wife, his daughter, his mother and uncle and cousin and friends.

 _What if Padmé despises you when she realizes what you were?_ whispers his old doubt, the darkness that lingers.

"Ben?"

He turns to Rey, who's sitting up in bed, running her hand through her tangled hair. He brings their daughter over, kissing Padmé on top of her hair.

 _If she did, I'd still love her,_ Ben admits to himself. "I'm just—I'm sorry, Rey. I keep worrying."

"I know." She kisses him and makes a face at their stirring daughter. "But I'm here. And even if someday I'm not, others will be." She laughs. "Even the dead are always here."

He nods. "And if others come? Others, like Snoke? To corrupt her?" Because he is not naïve. He knows what potential his daughter carries.

Rey bites her lip. "We'll do what we can."

 _What we can._ Ben studies his daughter. She's not him. She's a whole new person, and her upbringing would be different than his. He'd do whatever it took to protect her, and though he can't predict the future, today he can choose to trust, trust in the Light.

"Don't be afraid," Rey says, and he lowers his head to her shoulder, feeling the fear, acknowledging it, and feeling it fade, fade away, as he reaches out, caressing his daughter's cheek.

* * *

 **Thank you so, so much to everyone who read this story! Every follow/favorite/review has really been appreciated.** **Special thanks to msmarymack96 for beta'ing!**

 **I may eventually write a sequel to this (I'd be interested to explore Ben and Rey as parents, plus Ben's continual adjustment to life post-First-Order and Finn's adjustment to being a Skywalker), but we'll have to see. Life's been picking up pace, and my roommate has asked me to write another post-TFA fic with a distinct arc for a certain character, so I'm drabbling around with that for now. I may wind up posting that story sometime next week (it would still be Reylo and Stormpilot, because I can't break up my OTPs). In the meantime, I created a tumblr as hamliet, because apparently I really need another time waster/outlet for feels in my life. :D  
**

 **Much love to all of you.**


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